Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
So, I have been attending GA on and off for a year now and it's been an interesting experience. At first, I met someone at the meeting who was semi decent looking and paid attention to me so I of course became addicted to the attention he was giving me. That obviously didn't work out and did not help my recovery but I somehow worked my way through it and focused on the other connections I made to people who actually cared about my recovery. Even if I didn't attend meetings, they always called to check in on me. I know that I need to stop. I can't function at all. I have no money until I get paid again in the middle of September and I need to cover two months of rent (around $3000).I realize how screwed up this sounds but I am sure that many can relate. I started attending a bunch of meetings recently and this is how they went: The first meeting was about 70% people over the age of 80 but I didn't care (I am 42) because they seemed compassionate. No one made any comments so it was pretty much just an opportunity for me to let my guard down and vent. Then I checked out another meeting. This one was different. I stood up and did my thing and then after the meeting a guy from my home meeting approached me and said that I have to make sure that I don't offend people when I speak. Huh??? I said.. What are you talking about? He said that when I spoke I said that some people may still think about gambling more times than they would like to admit. Apparently, that was very offensive because according to him that wasn't true. He told me that I can't say anything like that because it will turn people off. I looked him straight in the eye and said This is MY therapy and I can saw whatever I want. I don't think about what I say before I say it. It just comes out. If you don't like what I have to say then don't listen to me. A few minutes later another guy from my home meeting approached me and said ya know... you keep saying that you have urges and you locked yourself in your apartment all weekend. What were you doing? playing on the computer with free slot machines all weekend? Huh??? I said. I don't even know where that came from. Needless to say that left a bad taste in my mouth - judgy judgy... Now let's get to my latest meeting. I went to a different room and this time I got ripped a new one. Again, I did my thing and said what I needed to say. I asked them if people under 90 days in their room were allowed to comment because I was curious and then I talked about how I have been attending new rooms to get some variety - how listening to the same therapies can get a little stale so it was good to change things up... WELLLLLL... then the chairpeople began their comments. One ragged on me for inquiring about making a comment to another member. He told me that the teacher needs to become the student and that I needed to take the cotton out of my ears and shove it in my mouth. Nice, huh? Mind you, these guys barely know me. We don't typically attend the same meetings. Then the other chairperson chimed in. Apparently me stating that I was going to many meetings was bad because "That's just an escape." Huh??? like a vacation? Then he called me judgmental because I said that listening to the same therapies over and over again could get a little stale. Meanwhile, the phrase I used... "get a little tale" had been said to me by another member at a different meeting and I just sort of repeated it. He then said "Meetings Make it" and any meeting is good because people speak from their hearts.. blah blah blah... Needless to say, I felt that my experiment with going to many meetings failed. I went to feel more at peace with myself... more connected because I have been feeling so isolated lately. I have been feeling so sad and alone. Instead, I got people criticizing me and making me feel like crap. I don't know. I know that I need thicker skin but I have been feeling very fragile lately. The other day I just broke down and cried incessantly out of nowhere. I don't usually cry but my life just kind of got to me. Now, I am back in action... I can't stop gambling and everytime I go I feel like hurting myself because I can't understand why I keep self destructing. Yesterday I got so angry that I slammed the door in the bathroom stall a Sands Casino and the door split into two pieces. Yep, it actually fell apart and onto the floor. Today I punched a slot machine. I know that I need to stop. My life is this merry go round and I want off because I miss my old life. I just don't really remember what normal feels like anymore. Thanks for listening.
In addition to therapy, I attend a face to face same sex support group for compulsive gamblers but it is not a 12 step group. It is run by a trained addiction therapist and part of it is a discussion on inter-personal processes and the other part is sharing for the members. It is less strict in attitude than a 12 step meeting and this group is willing to entertain any tools including GA, that can help people get and maintain abstinence from gambling.
I am a little over 8 months gamble free and I NEVER want to go back to the dark, hopeless, isolated place that compulsive gambling took me.
You know you need to quit, you just need to get some tools to help you quit and use them.
I feel your pain... Today I spent money that was for my mortgage and I was so disgusted with myself that as I was driving home, I just wanted to loose control and have an accident.. I think I wanted to punish myself for being so weak and stupid..
Driving home i degrating myself with every belittling word possible... I was desperately in need to speak with someone about this issue so I called gambling annonymouse and I was placed on hold not once but twice for 10 minutes each.. I prayed for me to make it and just let me get off the road... I needed to breath....
I am addict and gambling is my drug of choice... I am no different from man or woman who is addicted to crack cocain and standing on the corner asking for change for their next high... The difference between me and them is nonthing... I just can mask my addiction with a job, a few dresses, shoes and the appearance of a professional...yet I am addicted with the destructive behavior of any other addict...
If I had a dollar for every time I said this is it, I would be a rich woman.. But it's never it, no matter what it's never it... Until you say it's it( say it if you mean it)
Sharing my story here is a step, I also found a GA meeting very close to my home which I will attend on Wed..
I am almost 50 years old, and if this type of behavior continues I will loose everything...
One of the steps I willl take is not to have a bank card, and if I want anything I can write a check.. ( the casino will not take checks from me) I think I will just cut the card completely...
I can't sleep at night from worry and every time I am blessed with anything I give it to the casino... I am in tears writing this because I know that I can't do it anymore, I have identified with the problem long ago and fooled myself thiniking it was under control and it never was...
Nancyzoman on this site said it best... that we as woman are more critical of ourselves than how we are seen by others... I may not live in the best home with a manicured lawn,my car may not the best or latest, I may not have the 6 figure income , but I do have others that love me and now it's time for me to love myself and be a better me for everyone who is around me..
today I am an addict, tomorrow I will still be an addict but by the Grace of God, your support, meetings and whatever else it takes I will become a recovering addict and when someone ask do you gamble I will proudly say I used to.
I believe in everyone on here and now it's time for me to believe in myself...
Thank you for allowing me to share
Thank you for your words of wisdom... Others see in me what I sometimes don't see in myself and that's courage, wisdom, strenght confidence etc... With this addiction I see myself as frightened, failure, stupid, lack of confidence and a host other non flattering words. I want to look in the mirror and see what others see, because I don't want to become how I see myself
I'm not a huge fan of "sayings", because I think most of them are just incredibly hokey- but I'll use one now. Make sure your side of the street is clean before you worry about what's happening on the other side. IMO, many people forget this, to the detriment of themselves and those around them.
Before I go further, I will say that I believe that GA saved my life. It has, for whatever reason, worked for me.
Now, with that being said, my fundamental belief about the program (or any other method of recovery, really) is that it has to be something that I can see fitting into my life, for the long haul. The reality is that I *will* miss meetings-- because, you know, life happens. The reality is that certain people in the program will get on my last nerve. If I can't make this program work, for me, then I know it's not the right thing for me, and it's time to move on to Plan B.
The vast majority of people that I've come across in GA don't take it upon themselves to admonish the person who might question what they view as doctrine. Unfortunately, those that do tend to run a lot of hurting people away. I am also a firm proponent of "meeting tourism". Sure, you can learn from whatever meeting you go to, but if you leave with clenched teeth and feeling like crap, what's the point?
candcand, I wish you all the strength in the world to find what works for you. You know what you need to do, which is a huge victory in this war.
What is the consistent thing with the different meetings you have been attending?
It is that Candcand has been there.
Please know that I am speaking to you with loving care and concern and it is because I have been there.
When I attend a meeting and find a lot of fault with the meeting, it is because I am really looking for a way to not be there. I can find tons of fault with GA meetings and the people there and with what they say, or what they say to me.
It is my addict self making sure I close off any opportunity to recover.
Then, shortly thereafter, I am back in action (un)happily gambling to my heart's content. Oh yeah...I got this baby...
I learned a long time ago that there are times when I need to sit back and listen and absorb the recovery that is going around the room. There IS a time to listen and there is a time to speak and maybe I need to listen so that I know when it is time to speak.
It is like this: jump in with both feet. Trust, TRUST, that you are where you need to be in a meeting at that time and that place. Attend for 6 meetings and give yourself the chance to listen. After 6 meetings, if nothing gets your attention then search for another solution.
I have often found fault with the meetings I attend. I last went to a meeting on Saturday and I was the one with no abstinence. Every one else had significant abstinence of a year or even longer.
It doesn't matter what age, color, religion, size, hair style, dress, or any other thing that describes those who attend GA meetings, but it is that many have found a way to gamble, day after day, and some even decade after decade.
Some people do not advocate GA but I do. I also agree that outside therapy such as a treatment program or therapy can work. Sometimes, all have to work together for a person to recover.
There are some programs, such as Vanguard in Minneapolis that cost less than $10k for a 30 day program and they are inpatient. Some states pay for inpatient therapy as part of their treatment program.
As a compulsive gambler, I am full of self will run amok and defiance. I have to truly humble myself to be able to hear recovery from where ever it comes from.
And, step 1: I am powerless over gambling and, hell yeah, my life is unmanageable.
I am praying for us all with this terrible disease.. I am a child of a gambler and I had the traits for a while, but you and I can and will get a grip on life and learn to love ourselves...
I have children, 2 dogs and a cat and yet I still feel alone and lonely.. This is a disorder and needs to be treated like a disease.. If I had cancer, I would be ordered to go to chemo, Yet we are out here trying to find a cure on our own...
I am with you and you are with me on our journey to recovery
As for @candcand, please, hang in there. I would like to gently suggest that you find a new GA group in your area, a therapist that you trust in your area, or get more involved with this online forum.
My education is in medicine. I trained during a rotation under a world-renowned psychiatrist once. Everyone raved about her, and when she was "on" and clicked with a patient, she was tremendous. But I saw a few cases where she had harsh opinions about the patient, not liking him or her for one reason or another. Her biases affected her clinical diagnoses. I didn't agree with some of her diagnoses or treatment plans at all.
Therapy and support groups are great because they are personal. But therapy and support groups are also cumbersome at times because they are personal. As in, some people tend to bring their biases, harsh opinions, and bad attitudes along with them. You can't heal from this gripping addiction without loving and accepting yourself, and you certainly can't heal in an environment without loving and accepting people around you.
I hope you find an in-person community who gives you the love and support you need. If not, we are here for you.
Please insert the word "NOT" between "way" and "to."
I am so sorry for my error#