Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...

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Leapyear22 04/13/2014

Interesting definition, sort of gross in a way, but honestly, that is what I am, a pathological gambler! Day 7 for me, and the last few days I have really had to fight the urge to go, just one more time. Instead, I cleaned my house, watched TV, and did a lot of sleeping, which I never did before, I never slept much. My gambling would take me away for days, last time I placed a bet, I sent with groceries in my trunk, straight to the casino, thinking it would just be for a couple of hours, 2 nights later, no sleep, no food, drained my accounts, I was heading home with the groceries in my trunk. Pathological gambler, compulsive by nature. I think, how the heck was I able to have such little sleep, no food, ordered red bulls, because they are free at the tables I was playing, and once so exasperated with my lose, that I would put the few hundred in front of my all in and either win, or lose. When I lost, I would have to use my ATM credit card to get the last of my cash, since I was over the limit on withdrawals to my account, I was getting text messages from my bank, confirming it was actually me withdrawing so much money, of course, I said yes, it was me, because I needed to keep taking more out. I didn't cry this time, before I would cry, I now go into a quick fix mode, but this time, there is no quick fix. I slept for a few hours, and then went to work, as though nothing happened, at least between me and my co workers. My family knows, but nobody else, its strange to me, to become that person I am when I gamble, and then the person I present myself to be when I leave the casino. I would gamble for so long, I would pee my pants, literally, rather than go to the bathroom and leave the table, I starved myself, I was sleep deprived, and I drained my accounts, I would say I have zero savings now, because of my gambling over the last 10 years. So, yes, I am a pathological gambler. Today, I will not gamble. There is nothing good about gambling for me, only things that haven't happened to me YET, and God knows, if I decide to gamble again, I will most likely not survive it. xoxo

deleted_user 04/13/2014

Wow your story hits home. I to believe this is what I am. I am a slot player but the same can be said for staring at a screen for hours. Time has no value and neither does money. I am sick with my lack of will power. The minute I sit down all hell breaks lose and I cannot control myself. I tell myself that I WILL WIN IT ALL BACK. Of course I never do (or do and put it back). I vowed all week not to gamble, and I did well until yesterday. Today I start again. I am so sick of starting again that I want to at least say I can go a month without gambling, or thinking about gambling, let alone all the losses. I have not won anything in about two weeks and about 3 grand. I think this is a blessing. Had I had another win, I would think it is easy to win and keep going back. I am happy to have lost so much this time as weird as that sounds. It makes me urge to QUIT that much stronger!!!!!
One day at a time. Reach out anytime!

victoria2014 04/13/2014

Leapyear22,
I hear you so clearly. I too am a pathological gambler, and yes it sounds grotesquely unsettling. It took me a long time to accept the fact that I am a compusive/ obssesive person that just don't know when to quit. Or dont want to quit.

I refer to me and I quite often because of the fact that I was able to gamble days on end and go to work like nothing had happened. There was me at work, perfectly normal and successful professional, and there was I, in action that no food, no sleep and no contact with the real world, the only thing matter is that next bet.

it has taken me 25 years to merge that "I" and "me" to live as a whole person and I don't miss those mystic self anymore.

I am happy to see you sharing your deepest inner thoughts and hope you will find much needed peace you deserved . Keep coming back and share how you are doing.

love,
victoria

stopat56 04/13/2014

wow, both of your stories are so familiar to me, another compulsive gambler. I stopped short of peeing my pants, but they sure were damp by the time I got up to go to the bathroom. my choice of drug/gambling was the slot machines, too. hour after hour I could sit there. sometimes holding my little winning ticket to cash in later. of course, I usually stuck the ticket right back in the machine.

I am so happy to have had a break from that nightmare life. I don't miss it. (at least not yet) and I"m aware that there is still a lot of hard work in front of me, but the break has been so necessary to feel human again. I felt like a zombie, walking around in a fog.

I hope you all are having nice weather where you are. it is so pretty here I really want to go outside and turn a cartwheel. However, I'm not sure this 59 year old body would complete the turn. (I might get stuck) but a healthy walk is on my gambling prevention list for this day. keep posting.

Leapyear22 04/13/2014

I would say, I stopped short of peeing my pants, but just short of that, lets not forget about no shower, no brushing of the teeth, no concern of thinking about my dogs that needed to be fed. I wonder why I even left, what got me out of the casino when I would finally leave? Losing or winning, would always bring me back. Over the years, I could go 60 days at most, without placing a bet, and then, back I went. I need to remember all I write this time, I need to read your posts and be reminded, every day, what happens to me when I place the first bet, I can glorify it, I suppose, but there is nothing to glorify, high stakes table, I'm a professional gambler? Really, I am nothing more than a compulsive gambler, my life is so much better without it, one day at a time, is all I have. When I would go to GA meetings, I would say, Hi, my name is Terri and TODAY, I didn't gamble. I realized, I was to ashamed to say, Hi my name is Terri, and yesterday I gambled.... meaning for me, I have got to be honest, I am so afraid of the person I become when I lose myself after placing the first bet. I am scared to death, I know, for me, this can kill me, and today, I want to live.

victoria2014 04/13/2014

You are doing fine. As a matter of fact, you are doing great.

I was almost there at the door to the death. I did not wanted to live.... I just wanted everything to end. There was no turning back other then push myself off of the cliff. I am glad it didn't happen. I am happy I do have another chance to make it right.

It's not easy by any means but we can at least quit gambling just for today.

love,
victoria

Rsmithma 04/13/2014

I too can go weeks without gambling, then an opportunity arises and u convince myself I am strong enough to just play $20. Then all my money is gone! This last time hit me the hardest not because the amount if money that was gone because I've gambled away 3x more than that, but because I do not have the energy to cover it up anymore! I am depressed, and just not sure if I can make it out of this..... Yes I am a pathological gambler also!!!

Leapyear22 04/13/2014

Thanks Victoria, I am so glad I found this site. I woke up this morning, and realized, last night, although part of me wanted to go gamble, the other part of me, knew, I had to fight the urge, fall asleep and wake up this morning, knowing, another night went by and I didn't go. For me, its a one day at a time process, and today, I will not place a bet. Its not easy, but I want it so much, that I am going to continue the fight, and remind myself of who and what I am when I decide to convince myself that its okay to go place another bet. Also, I read on line and hear in meetings, slips are normal, and my head tells me its okay to slip again. But after 10 years of slipping, I'm ready to say, for me to slip again, its not okay. It will kill me and it will destroy me, my family and my friends, my dogs, all who would mourn me if I went just one more time. Today, I will not gamble. Today I am getting my car washed, and getting ready for work tomorrow, I get to do that. xoxox

victoria2014 04/13/2014

Leapyear22, hugs to you. Makes me happy to see you are being strong!

((Rsmithma)),
don't be discouraged, you can do it.

You can only do what you can do about the financial damage it's created.

You are special and unique in your own way. Its time to take care of yourself. The 3 "R"s. Relex, Rest and Recharge.

Keep posting, share your thoughts.

Love,
Victoria

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