I have had so much recovery in these past 6 months. I finally realized I couldn't do it alone and I have had so much help from GA members.  After going in and out of GA for the 5 1/2 years and not being able to go past 45 days, I came to point on Jan 4th of this year where I could really see that I could not control my gambling and my life had really become unmanagable.  I went to GA the next day, got into one on one counseling and also group counseling and went to GA meetings.  I got a great sponsor and am now working on Step 4 of the 12 steps.  I have been blessed of which I am extremely grateful.  In these months I realized that people who don't have addiction probllems don't understand what we are going through and it is pointless to get into any kind of discussion with them about it.  I'm fine with that because those GA meetings and all of you people here do understand.  I feel different.  I feel like my true self who is a kind, honest, helpful, responsible and caring person.  I have an addict that still resides in me, but she has been arrested and so has the addiction, but I know that I always need to be alert to this addict and diligently keep working at this with my attention continually being in the present.  I now know that when I was in my gambling addiction I was not my true self, and in my opinion, nobody is..  The longer I fed this addict the stronger she became which resulted in me becoming a slave to my addiction.  I would do whatever the addict in me said to do without question or thought of the consequences.  I know this sounds very wierd but its like a jekyl and hyde kind of scenerio and Ms Hyde consumed me where I was no longer me anymore and that was scary.  The great thing no is I can really differentiate between my thoughts and the addiction ones completely and I have kept doing what page 17 suggests I do. Its true for me that I really had to work at it on a daily basis and because I did and am still doing this is the result....JOYOUS LIVING!  Thanks for reading this!