From all of us to you!

Fellow gambler, take my hand;
I'm your friend, I understand.
I've known your guilt, your shame, remorse;
I've borne the burden of your cross.
I found a friend who offered ease;
He suffered, too, with this disease.
Although he had no magic cure,
He showed how we could endure.
We walked together side by side;
We spoke of things we had to hide.
We told of sleepless nights and debts,
Of broken homes and lies and threats.
And so my weary gambler friend,
Please take this hand that I extend.
Take one more chance on something new,
Another gambler helping you

Keep coming back! Your story is just like ours. We understand and we care! Cherbear

Thank you Cherbear. Checked in while my car was heating up before I left for work. Literally in tears but of relief. I couldn't have read a more perfect verse. Thank you

ThreadAhead, worse thing you can do for yourself right now is feel guilty and hate yourself. Because this just opens doors wide open back to destructive path and gambling. In this situation you need to think about yourself. You have to understand, you are the most important in this very moment.
As for kids, I know and understand how you may feel heartbroken inside. Don't worry about it. It is a process and it will get better. You are not alone in your situation. For a man especially, it feels like a stubbing wound not being able to be financially stable, but it is just outcomes and circumstances all of us, compulsive gamblers going through.
Look at a positive, bright side! How many struggling compulsive gamblers out there, who sleep in a car, have nowhere to go and no job? At least you have a job, and you have a paycheck! Don't give up on yourself and your situation, it is only dark before dawn; it is a nasty storm, before still. Things will clear up, if you stay away from gambling and give each day in your life a chance.
Even if sometimes, you will feel you are staying at the same spot and not moving forward, - it is a progress too. I know it on my own experience too well. Keep coming back here, seek support from people who understand you and will not be alone.
Hug, Vicky

3 months gamble free is a great milestone. From your post I can see that you are really trying to get your life under control. Its so sad that that wife is unable to support you. But go on fighting and getting yourself back on your feet for you and your children. hang in there. God bless..

Thank you all. I love my kids so much. She is going to make this a brutal process. Already telling me she wants to put the house on the market. I'd still split that with her and I move out.. Just so the kids aren't uprooted for their secure place. Sorry, that's an aside and a little unrelated to gambling. I dread all of this is all... More for them than me. But as long as I am Gamble Free it will get better. Thank you all so much

Congrats on the 3 months!!! That is enough to keep your head held high right there!
As far as the wife and divorce... try to postpone all of it as long as you can to give yourself some time to get on better footing. Is there ANY chance that perhaps you can reconcile? I don't know the history but it may be that you can work things out. Is there anyone such as a friend, family member or pastor that can talk to your wife and have her hold off on any of it? I really hope so. The more time you have to stay gamble free and tackle your debts the better.

If none of that is possible then be prepared to fight hard for your kids. You mentioned your wife has drinking problems and that may become worse thru the emotional issues that come with divorce. Make sure that she gets some help for that and if you have to USE it to make for a better arrangement for the kids then do it.
As long as you are not gambling and can show progress in your situation and you said you have a good attorney, I can't think that you would be thrown under the bus. No different than a spouse losing money on a bad investment, really. However, her drinking and possibly causing emotional or physical harm to the kids is a whole other issue.
I am not going to go any further because I really don't know enough about your situation. I do wish you lots of luck. Please keep posting.

Thank you Win. I might try with the pastor but its a long shot. She is very public ( and quite abusive) about my failings. She tells just about everybody that would listen, which would break me down and I'd turn to gambling. As far as the drinking, my attorney has had me take photos and keep a journal..save all the texts when she would want me to bring home alcohol. I'm not very public ( other than here anonymously and with my attorney) to respect her privacy. But I do have that in my arsenal if need be. I really, really don't want to go there and would like to find a way for her to go to AA. She's extremely bitter and the biggest narcissist I've ever known. Any hint of criticism unleashes an onslaught of tirades as to why I'm a POS, etc. I'm trying to keep cool and not engage. I'm less upset about the prospect of divorce and more upset about her threatening to put the house on the market to uproot them. It's really unnecessary and it is a means for her to be public, have everybody feel sorry for her as they ask why and she blames me, and tell the kids they no longer get their rooms because of me. I would love to hold off but (not to sound selfish) I don't know if it is healthy to stay around her. But, of course, I have no money to make any sudden moves other than staying at my parents. Even if I get a place, I would take a long time to furnish. I have a lot to work out and no resources to do it right now.

Congratulations on 3 months! That's HUGE!! Keep your chin up because we are always here for you!! Things will eventually get better! Hugs Lisa

Thank you Lisa. I do need to start letting the victories overtake the failings. One day at a time and better times will be ahead. All of you are so inspiring and wonderful. I AM NOT my Gambler .. My Dark Passenger (Darkly Dreaming Dexter) reference. I wasn't raised to lie, manipulate, and steal and I will let my soul outshine the shadow my gambler casts. The thing I hold dear through all of the pain and stress I've caused is that my kids have never seen my play cards or a slot machine and I will not pass that pattern on to them. My estranged wife will undoubtedly tell them but they see her failings daily. That breaks my heart and I still love her and wish she would get help. But they will NEVER see me "in action". I will fail I their eyes at time but I will not pass down this disease. I am working on taking inventory and making Amends but I don't have to be a martyr to this. My last attempts failed so frequently due to my wishing to go back or forward in time...dreading my next relapse. It's different now. I will suffer from the problems of my past and pay my penance. But if I focus on each day, the present..I can no longer create the problems of the future. And for the first time I can say I hate what I've done but I no longer hate myself. I'm sorry if my wife does and I'll never regain her trust. But I'll never break my word to her again. Feb 4th I turn 40and while I may become a statistic..(middle aged divorce) I will look to all your examples and pray one of these days I to can be an example. But as I go one day at a time, I might just creep on to that day when I can be a good example. So much love to all of you and no matter all the problems we have caused, there is always worse. Thank you for reminding me of all I have to be thankful for and showing me that there is light if you move forward GF. New members reading this post, look back a few months and you will see I attempted suicide. 3 months GF and things keep falling in flux..but suicide is no longer an option. Because whatever life throws at me and whatever I throw at myself, I'm NOT GAMBLING!!! Self banishment was the best thing I eve did ( for me not for everyone). After all the replies on this thread I realize that even thorough things have gotten rough, the gambling abstinence out weighs it all. Thank you Thank You all. I'm going to do a novel idea... Go to bed now (used to work 9-9 play till 4:30am.. Get kids ready at 6:30..work 9-9 again). Sleep, get up early, and feel at peace. I ramble but you've go me fired up. Life is really really bad now but I'm not numb from gambling so the experience alone is fulfilling to embrace it clear headed and hope to right the ship and no longer cause collateral damage. I hope to reach the success of the other members and I'm honored And fortunate to be in your company. Prepare for daily ranting... I think it's therapeutic and at times kathartic. Last thing (really) Ancient Greeks said "Per Ardua Ad Astra"...Through struggle to the stars!!