Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
So if you've seen my posts then you know that I banned myself from the Casino this October and I've struggled with the after effects my gambling has caused. So today, my wife finally saw some bills and mortgage information. Mind you, I have been earlier than 30 days but not on time. I have been juggling my bills in 2 week increments and it has been extremely difficult given the hole I've dug for myself. My wife, understandably, went ballistic. I realize I should've been up front from the beginning. However, I was a coward and hoped I could juggle and hide until everything was caught up and on time. This time, I believe, was the last straw and it looks like I will be headed down divorce road. I have done many unforgivable things and I honestly can't blame her. I'm in a really, really bad place right now. I'll have no place to go, other than my parents house who are both compulsive gamblers. That will be VERY difficult for my recovery process, not to mention my self-esteem. But the reality is I have no savings, a ton of debt, and I'm paycheck to paycheck. In time, I will need to get my own place, with my own furniture (etc), for the children. I don't know of she will fight custody, but she has her own demons (alcoholism) which I hope will lead to her being civil and not keeping me from my children. I was in a place a while ago when I thought they and the world were better off without me. Not any more and I grieve the idea of losing them or unraveling their life like this. As far as my recovery goes, I'm on my own (locally) and she could care less that I've stopped gambling. Her only focus is my money management (or lack of) and our relationship has been mostly business for a while. I've hurt her again. I've broken her trust again. And I hate myself for it. I figure at this point, she's "publicly shamed" me with her family and any mutual friends and now with the children. I regret what I've done and fear where this leads and how I'm unable to show I can provide my own house. Although, I retained a really good attorney a few years ago (just in case) so I don't have to fear that financial cost. I dread these skeletons coming out and I dread the impact on my kids. I don't know if I need advice or prayers...but it seems nothing is getting better..save the fact that I haven't made it EVEN WORSE by gambling these past 3 months. Thanks for listening.
Fellow gambler, take my hand;
I'm your friend, I understand.
I've known your guilt, your shame, remorse;
I've borne the burden of your cross.
I found a friend who offered ease;
He suffered, too, with this disease.
Although he had no magic cure,
He showed how we could endure.
We walked together side by side;
We spoke of things we had to hide.
We told of sleepless nights and debts,
Of broken homes and lies and threats.
And so my weary gambler friend,
Please take this hand that I extend.
Take one more chance on something new,
Another gambler helping you
Keep coming back! Your story is just like ours. We understand and we care! Cherbear
As for kids, I know and understand how you may feel heartbroken inside. Don't worry about it. It is a process and it will get better. You are not alone in your situation. For a man especially, it feels like a stubbing wound not being able to be financially stable, but it is just outcomes and circumstances all of us, compulsive gamblers going through.
Look at a positive, bright side! How many struggling compulsive gamblers out there, who sleep in a car, have nowhere to go and no job? At least you have a job, and you have a paycheck! Don't give up on yourself and your situation, it is only dark before dawn; it is a nasty storm, before still. Things will clear up, if you stay away from gambling and give each day in your life a chance.
Even if sometimes, you will feel you are staying at the same spot and not moving forward, - it is a progress too. I know it on my own experience too well. Keep coming back here, seek support from people who understand you and will not be alone.
Hug, Vicky
As far as the wife and divorce... try to postpone all of it as long as you can to give yourself some time to get on better footing. Is there ANY chance that perhaps you can reconcile? I don't know the history but it may be that you can work things out. Is there anyone such as a friend, family member or pastor that can talk to your wife and have her hold off on any of it? I really hope so. The more time you have to stay gamble free and tackle your debts the better.
If none of that is possible then be prepared to fight hard for your kids. You mentioned your wife has drinking problems and that may become worse thru the emotional issues that come with divorce. Make sure that she gets some help for that and if you have to USE it to make for a better arrangement for the kids then do it.
As long as you are not gambling and can show progress in your situation and you said you have a good attorney, I can't think that you would be thrown under the bus. No different than a spouse losing money on a bad investment, really. However, her drinking and possibly causing emotional or physical harm to the kids is a whole other issue.
I am not going to go any further because I really don't know enough about your situation. I do wish you lots of luck. Please keep posting.