Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Hi there. I'm new and unsure of where this is actually going to go...
I'm 28 years old, and I know that I have major gambling problems. At times, I am so confident that I want to quit and never go back, but at other times (and perhaps this is delusional), I feel like I would be giving up my chance to make it 'big' in the poker world. The truth is that I'm an incredible card player, but I can never seem to make it out of the casino without hitting slots or blackjack or war or something else. So even if I win a big poker tournament, my fear is that I'll piss it all away at some other mindless form of gambling. I keep thinking I can get it all in check, but now I'm not sure anymore.
I've run up my credit cards. I owe every member of my family a decent amount of money. My girlfriend is desperate to get me to quit. I'm 6 weeks behind on rent (the driving force behind why I KEEP gambling, in hopes of getting more on top of things). I'm not sure how much is reality and delusion anymore, or how much I can really even commit of myself to quitting. Gambling is like a best friend that I don't want to say goodbye to.
I have tried GA - didn't feel good at all with myself there ... while I could relate to the stories, I felt like I was talked down to and maybe even made fun of. I couldn't keep going. I tried a program that is geared toward constructing limits (and perhaps eventually total sobriety), and that worked for me for almost 3 months (until my therapist left and they wanted me to 'start over' with someone new), which seemingly proved to me that I could gamble responsibly, but this was over a year ago.
In the meantime, I feel I have a whole host of other problems... I'm not sure how comorbid they are with my gambling. Did gambling cause them? Did they cause me to gamble more? I struggle with being overweight (about 100 pounds more than I'd like to be) and being fairly sedentary. I wait tables and also do part-time customer service work from home, even though I was a financial advisor 4 years ago - I let my licenses expire after being laid off and just couldn't seem to land a job back in that business, but maybe I didn't try very hard. I feel financially ruined and like I'm wasting away. I have herniated disks in my back and pretty carpal tunnel (which keeps my hands numb and burning, and keeps me from enjoying flute/clarinet/sax, something that used to be the cornerstone of my life). I am also struggling big time with gender identity (please do not judge me here). I am fairly confident that I want to transition, and need about $6000 to even begin to have my body look the way I want it to, plus around $400 for a name change (saving money has been a joke for me for the last ten years).
After a huge loss, I feel like I 'see the light,' but after a nice win, I tell myself that I can't give it up yet. I'm so confused and so overwhelmed... financially, emotionally, physically. It's probably really obvious that I need to quit (for you reading this), but to me, it's only obvious when I get kicked around. And even after those big losses, I just want to go right back and try to get 'even.' I've never played in any large tournaments for poker because I always blow the buy-ins on other forms of gambling.
I don't know why I'm pouring all this out here. I don't know if I'm looking for advice or for someone to commiserate or for what. I am considering self-exclusion at all of my local casinos, but there's ONE (about 20 min away), which does not have the program... and is conveniently where I began gambling. I don't go much anymore because of the cigarette smoke, but I know I will go back if it's the only game in town. Without being able to self-exclude from all of them, I feel stuck... doomed, even. Right now, I'm focusing on playing out all of my comps from my chosen casino and then taking a break. I went last night with comps only... no cash/credit cards. I won $80 and couldn't even get myself to leave with that, despite being behind on all of my bills. I walked out broke anyway, and had to do the 1 hour drive of shame home. Maybe playing out these comps is a bad idea... or maybe it will give me the evidence I need to say that I really can't do this on my own, and that I need to give it all up.
Please reach out and share whatever your heart/mind inspires you to share. I'm open to reading, discussion, etc.
I'm 28 years old, and I know that I have major gambling problems. At times, I am so confident that I want to quit and never go back, but at other times (and perhaps this is delusional), I feel like I would be giving up my chance to make it 'big' in the poker world. The truth is that I'm an incredible card player, but I can never seem to make it out of the casino without hitting slots or blackjack or war or something else. So even if I win a big poker tournament, my fear is that I'll piss it all away at some other mindless form of gambling. I keep thinking I can get it all in check, but now I'm not sure anymore.
I've run up my credit cards. I owe every member of my family a decent amount of money. My girlfriend is desperate to get me to quit. I'm 6 weeks behind on rent (the driving force behind why I KEEP gambling, in hopes of getting more on top of things). I'm not sure how much is reality and delusion anymore, or how much I can really even commit of myself to quitting. Gambling is like a best friend that I don't want to say goodbye to.
I have tried GA - didn't feel good at all with myself there ... while I could relate to the stories, I felt like I was talked down to and maybe even made fun of. I couldn't keep going. I tried a program that is geared toward constructing limits (and perhaps eventually total sobriety), and that worked for me for almost 3 months (until my therapist left and they wanted me to 'start over' with someone new), which seemingly proved to me that I could gamble responsibly, but this was over a year ago.
In the meantime, I feel I have a whole host of other problems... I'm not sure how comorbid they are with my gambling. Did gambling cause them? Did they cause me to gamble more? I struggle with being overweight (about 100 pounds more than I'd like to be) and being fairly sedentary. I wait tables and also do part-time customer service work from home, even though I was a financial advisor 4 years ago - I let my licenses expire after being laid off and just couldn't seem to land a job back in that business, but maybe I didn't try very hard. I feel financially ruined and like I'm wasting away. I have herniated disks in my back and pretty carpal tunnel (which keeps my hands numb and burning, and keeps me from enjoying flute/clarinet/sax, something that used to be the cornerstone of my life). I am also struggling big time with gender identity (please do not judge me here). I am fairly confident that I want to transition, and need about $6000 to even begin to have my body look the way I want it to, plus around $400 for a name change (saving money has been a joke for me for the last ten years).
After a huge loss, I feel like I 'see the light,' but after a nice win, I tell myself that I can't give it up yet. I'm so confused and so overwhelmed... financially, emotionally, physically. It's probably really obvious that I need to quit (for you reading this), but to me, it's only obvious when I get kicked around. And even after those big losses, I just want to go right back and try to get 'even.' I've never played in any large tournaments for poker because I always blow the buy-ins on other forms of gambling.
I don't know why I'm pouring all this out here. I don't know if I'm looking for advice or for someone to commiserate or for what. I am considering self-exclusion at all of my local casinos, but there's ONE (about 20 min away), which does not have the program... and is conveniently where I began gambling. I don't go much anymore because of the cigarette smoke, but I know I will go back if it's the only game in town. Without being able to self-exclude from all of them, I feel stuck... doomed, even. Right now, I'm focusing on playing out all of my comps from my chosen casino and then taking a break. I went last night with comps only... no cash/credit cards. I won $80 and couldn't even get myself to leave with that, despite being behind on all of my bills. I walked out broke anyway, and had to do the 1 hour drive of shame home. Maybe playing out these comps is a bad idea... or maybe it will give me the evidence I need to say that I really can't do this on my own, and that I need to give it all up.
Please reach out and share whatever your heart/mind inspires you to share. I'm open to reading, discussion, etc.
deleted_user
Thank you for pouring out your heart. I recently had to admit I am powerless to stop gambling. I cannot go to a casino or anything like it, or the nightmare will start all over again. BUT I CAN appreciate my husband and children, appreciate the talents I have been given, I can do anything in this life, except gamble. Because I've come to that honesty with myself, I can now pursue all the other things in my life that I have been missing because I didn't want to say goodbye to the "big win". But if I were gambling, I could pursue none of them! God bless and may you find the weight lifted.
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