Welcome and yes it sounds like you indeed need help. Compulsive gambling takes all different shapes. My humble guess is that you would go more often if you did not have other responsibilities but binge gambling is just as destructive as you can see once you have lost control. You are young and obviously very successful but it can all be taken away unless you try to seek help. Nothing can rob you of your dignity,steal your hard earned money,and age you overnight like this insidious disease. I hope you stick around and gain strength from some of the people that post here and realize there are other options than a once a month trip to oblivion and back.

Hi Blonde, maybe your addiction knows that you only go once per month so that's why you spend more? I know when I had a few months gamble free & I relapsed & gambled again I spent a lot more in that relapse session because I think my subconscious knew that I would quit again & I wanted to get my fix. This addiction will tell you everything & anything it can to keep you in it.

Ask yourself "what am I getting out if gambling?" Really, truly "what are you getting out of it?" Examine all answers in depth & be honest with yourself. The biggest fool fools himself.

For me I'm an escape gambler. I didn't want to deal with stressful, highly charged/painful emotions, so I gambled to run away & not feel anything at all/be numb. So until I worked on my emotional baggage I kept relapsing. I did that & replaced gambling with hobbies & allowed myself relaxing, self-pampering care.

Try a different outlet to help you "get away"... Whatever your interests are other than gambling. You CAN do this :)

Thankyou everyone :) yeah I did it yesterday and now in just sick .... I think of what I could have bought for my kids or paid off . i know in 3 weeks the urge will be back and my bank roll built back up .... I need to maybe give my cards to my husband or someone??? He really doesn't know how much I spend .. So I don't know what to do!

Blonde, when I said I don't really want him (husband) to know how much I spend, really meant I don't want to change what I am doing. Mind you I am not saying that you are saying this.
I finally had to let him know and hand him all my money. Not his idea, mine. Not having money is tricky, because I get paid everyday I work.
I go to the bank deposit and text him what I put in there.
It is my safe guard, called accountability.
It was one of my first steps, that and finding out by watching YouTube videos about what is going on in the brain when we gamble.

I have asked my husband to help me with my gambling ... And just laughed and said there's no way I can help you with that.... So he is not supportive at all .

What about talking to a therapist who has experience helping people with addictions? Also, come here often & read posts, journal through the ups n downs, attend GA meeting or there's a phone in meeting every Wednesday.

Maybe a healthy monthly alternative would be a day at a spa...get a massage, facial, mani/pedi, try one of the seaweed or mud wraps :)

Actually I didn't ask my husband to help me. I told him about the mountain of dept I had created by having this addiction. I told him I was lying to him about where I was. I told him how depressed I was, which is what lead me to gambling. All out in the open, now what? That kicked in to him to do what ever he could. Thankfully he did not scream at me, He was disappointed, but knew if things didn't change, our retirement was not going to be what we hoped it would be.
My husband has no idea what it is like to have no self control. The most controlled individual. He gets sad, but has not ever been depressed. Never had an addiction of any kind.
Can you imagine the pain I was in telling him the whole story? I knew if I didn't I was not going to find a way out. Coming clean and being sorry- leads to recovery.

I could not stop gambling until I changed two primary beliefs I had about gambling.
1) Gambling is a harmless form of entertainment that is a healthy break for me.
2) I can get ahead by gambling.
I came to realize with the help of a support group and a good counselor that both of these beliefs were FALSE for me.
Gambling was harmful to me financially, mentally, spiritually and socially. I passed the point of no return to ever hope to recoup my losses years ago.
Time that we invest "escaping" at slot machines is time we do not spend with good supportive friends or enjoying a hobby or truly pampering ourselves. My guess is a day at a spa with hot rock massage and a mud bath would have been cheaper for you and you would feel better afterward.
Read all you can here. Find other ways to reward and take care of yourself. Find some supportive people: maybe GA, counseling, treatment, other 12 step group. Exercise helps. taking good care of yourself helps. Educate yourself about this compulsion/addiction and find ways to connect to yourself and to others.
I'm rooting for you!

I'm 31, married, and also run my own business. I too got stressed and "needed" gambling to escape, to self-soothe, and to provide craved excitement in my life. I gambled from 21 to 30 and it progressively got worse.

I am on day 192 of recovery. In June, I finally couldn't deal with lying to my significant other anymore about my finances and my whereabouts, with the overdraft fees hitting my account, with the bill collectors calling constantly. I didn't like how I would stay at the casino for hours and hours, to the point I would scrape coins off of the floor of my car, hoping to get the $1 necessary to start a machine to earn some free play. I didn't like the way the dealers looked at me like I was crazy. I was missing work and starting to stay overnight at times. Gambling was taking over my life and I couldn't think about anything else for very long.

The only things that saved me:

1.) Self-ban. I won't risk having a record, so self-ban in my state and neighboring states saved me.

2.) Having a payee. I get a weekly "allowance" and everything else is sent to and paid through my payee.

3.) This group. It's been amazing to have the support and the camaraderie.

4.) Louise Hay books. Knowing I have the power to change my life at any given moment. Acknowledging I am stronger than my addiction. Realizing my life is the result of my thoughts, and thoughts can be changed to create my BEST life. Feeling that I deserve all good.

5.) Seeing a good therapist.

You can and will live without gambling. You must trust that part of you that got on this forum in the first place. That inner voice knows you have value and must stop self-destructing, no matter how great it feels in the moment.

Welcome to the board. Going once a month is unhealthy. You admit that you lose everything you earn in 4 hours and have no control. You are not the social gambler that can go to a casino once or twice a year brings a set amount and if losses that's it. I'm sorry to hear that you are not getting support from him. Maybe try talking to him again. He needs to be more educated on the subject. I hope you can find a healthy hobby with your time. The others have posted some good ideas for you to try. I wish you all the best.

I understand what you are feeling. I started to limit myself to only one trip a month or even two months but I spend 1000s also. It is sickening to even think about. I have self banned myself from 2 states (One I live in and 1 is neighboring) but then I found a place to gamble which was only a 5 hours drive. I could have gone to Disneyworld multiple times with what I spent.

I am sorry your husband does not understand. Someone who has never had an addiction just does not get it.

Thankyou everyone! A few of you wrote exactly what I needed t hear! I self banned myself .... I'm afraid I just covered up the addiction and hope I don't find something else to spend money on to justify my non gambling .... I wish I just had control and could go have fun on $50 bucks and enjoy the night ... Envious of those people :/

Glad you have gained something from the posts here Blon1900. I remember wanting to be a social gambler again. In fact when I first took myself to treatment for compulsive gambling I did not want to stop gambling, I wanted the counselor to make me a social gambler again. Preferably with the the "magic wand" method, involving as little work on my part as possible. Sorry to have to say, that was a childish outlook and hope. Once I came to accept that I was a compulsive gambler and there was no changing that, and changed my FALSE beliefs about gambling I longer yearn to become a social gambler again. It is what it is.
Acceptance is absolutely knowing in your heart that you cannot change the past.
Hugs and prayers for you and journey you are beginning.

I suppose we all have our own ways of being crazy with gambling--one of my sisters was about the excitement, but I've always been the escapist--you'll be able to get out of it, you know it's hurting you, you really do want to quit, you'll succeed! For myself, it took a while for me to realize that I did resent the huge amount of time my husband spent at work--and he very seldom said anything, so I had to mainly get help for myself, good luck, you'll be ok!

It really helps to "fess up" , face the music, take responsibility and be able to enlist the help of your husband. There is always the fear that they will be angry or even leave. Usually I have seen it bring people closer together. There is often some anger about the money but more often it is about being kept in the dark. Often it is a blow to the trust of the relationship, but if it is a loving and supportive relationship it will survive and trust will eventually be regained. It is always such a load off one's shoulders and mind when you tell the secret of problem or compulsive gambling. Being secretive and isolating is part of the disease of all addictions and we fight it by being authentic and connecting with others.