Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I felt compelled to write. Kind of like when I go into a GA meeting, and I have no intentions of sharing, but someone shares something that "triggers me" and I end up sharing. When I read the posts here, the one commong word I have been reading is "normal." I so remember wanting to feel "normal" during my addiction, I wanted to feel "normal." My idea of normal was to be like everyone else I saw just doing the day. Driving, shopping, being with their family, not staying out and gone for hours and days on end. Making dinner, feeding my dogs, having a full day of productive work and love. Not worry financially (of course even non GA people worry financially) I didn't have that when I was in my addiction.
Once I finally really wanted recovery, I had no idea what I was getting into, I didn't know that I too would be spending days with my family, often, or able to take care of my home, my dogs, financial responsibilities, stay up all night and watch Criminal Minds if I wanted too. I didn't realize, that would be my new "normal." "Normal" for me is a subjective word. I am far from "normal". I am outgoing, I am spontaneous, I work way too much, I'm obsessive controlling, I get moody. I am a single white female, who hates the idea of marriage and married my husband, and a year later divorced him and raised my daughter alone, she is now 23 years old and the light of my life.
I have three dogs, Willie, Charlie, and Molly. I have an identical twin, who I love to hate and hate to love and couldn't imagine ever living without her as part of me. My mom was married 7 times, maybe 8, I lost count. I struggled as a single mom, counted pennies to feed her. I became a real estate agent, and of course had to push harder to become a real estate broker.
I have made a TON of money, and I have made no money. I didn't buy my own home until I was 50, but I bought my own home, by myself.
So much more. As an addict of this terrible addiction, I have finally come to the conclusion, I am far from "normal."
But, in my recover, I GET TO do my life, good, bad or indifferent, I like who I am TODAY, but during my active gambling days, I hated who I was. Today, my "normal" is living my life without having to run to a card room, today, my new "normal" is, one day at a time.
I like my new "normal". Tired of comparing, tired of trying to be like the next door neighbor. Today, I am a recovering compulsive gambler. My new "normal"is really good.
Recovery is a gift my sweet warriors, do it today.
Terri
Once I finally really wanted recovery, I had no idea what I was getting into, I didn't know that I too would be spending days with my family, often, or able to take care of my home, my dogs, financial responsibilities, stay up all night and watch Criminal Minds if I wanted too. I didn't realize, that would be my new "normal." "Normal" for me is a subjective word. I am far from "normal". I am outgoing, I am spontaneous, I work way too much, I'm obsessive controlling, I get moody. I am a single white female, who hates the idea of marriage and married my husband, and a year later divorced him and raised my daughter alone, she is now 23 years old and the light of my life.
I have three dogs, Willie, Charlie, and Molly. I have an identical twin, who I love to hate and hate to love and couldn't imagine ever living without her as part of me. My mom was married 7 times, maybe 8, I lost count. I struggled as a single mom, counted pennies to feed her. I became a real estate agent, and of course had to push harder to become a real estate broker.
I have made a TON of money, and I have made no money. I didn't buy my own home until I was 50, but I bought my own home, by myself.
So much more. As an addict of this terrible addiction, I have finally come to the conclusion, I am far from "normal."
But, in my recover, I GET TO do my life, good, bad or indifferent, I like who I am TODAY, but during my active gambling days, I hated who I was. Today, my "normal" is living my life without having to run to a card room, today, my new "normal" is, one day at a time.
I like my new "normal". Tired of comparing, tired of trying to be like the next door neighbor. Today, I am a recovering compulsive gambler. My new "normal"is really good.
Recovery is a gift my sweet warriors, do it today.
Terri
I mean, let's get real, life is hard sometimes. I think I gambled because it was my way of dealing with some of the stress or unpleasantries of daily life.
But it wasn't worth the lack of money, the unpaid bills, the lies, the fears, the nightmares, the lost time and opportunities, the way my character was deteriorating.
I have good days and bad days. On the good days, I can't believe I ever gambled. I started dieting, exercising, and updating my wardrobe. Work is going smashingly well. On the bad days, I miss gambling so much and can't believe people get off watching movies or laying around the house in their spare time. I miss the glamour and the lights and the games and the excitement. Some of that can't be replaced, and I need for my brain (and my heart) to accept that.
It is a new normal. It ain't always pretty and it doesn't always feel good, but it is a new normal. And it is far healthier and more loving towards myself and those around me than the old normal.