I hate to be blunt......but, it won't be different. It will just be more of the same. When I start to fanaticize about going, I make myself take it through all the way to the end. For me, the anticipation is the exciting part. The rest is not so great. If it were, I wouldn't be here and neither would you. Don't do it. Stay here with us where you are safe and sane.

i think of it, watch videos on utube slot machines, i hate to say i play the fake slots that has my fav slot- i feel they give me somewhat of the "edge" off

all i know is that when i wake up, im grateful

soooooooooooooo grateful i didnt go

thats all i have to stop me from doing it....

haunts me.......

You had a wonderful reply to Emma12 .
Go back and read it again and let your own words speak to you.
You will feel so much worse if you give in to the addiction now. You are sick with an addiction. an ugly, mean and powerful addiction that will kill you sure enough as if it were heroin. I think gambling is worse than heroin. People understand drug addictions. There is no sympathy for us with this devastating addiction.
I am sorry you are also having physical ailment and needing surgery I will pray for safe and speedy healing for you. Xoxo Sara

Nancy, Think before you act. I lived and breathed cards for 40 years and have not played for over 14 months. I have played 300- 600 Holdem at the Taj in AC and everything in between and the other day at my mens salon there was a deck of cards on the coffee table and I was Literally afraid to pick them up and touch them. I have played Poker sometimes for 3 days straight and never even going to my hotel room, exhausted, unshaven, and with no food. Just non-stop action, straight flushes to unbelievable bad beats and I thank my God every day I do not have to Ever live that life again. Please Think. It's a terrible grind and no way to live. I have had beautiful women proposition me at the table and I could care less,just deal the next hand. This will pass and you will be so grateful.

I am fighting the urge too. You have 240 days in recovery, that's something to be so proud of. I have a few bucks in my checking account right now, I want to go up to the Casino, it's only 5 minutes away. I tell myself, the same as you, it will be different this time. I'll just go once a month. Take $200.00. Play my favorite machine. I miss it too. But I know the same thing will happen. I will lose my $200.00, feel so defeated, not sleep well, and tomorrow I will wake up feeling awful again. So I am sitting here and checking in for support. When I saw your Title "Missing It So Much - Need Help" it described me perfectly. I hope you don't go, Nancy. I hope you find support here. We quit for a reason, remember those reasons. And be proud of your 240 days. I am wishing you the best. Thank you for posting - I feel your pain, and it helps to know I am not alone. Please keep in touch.

Nancyzoman,
Even my counselor who's last bet was over 15 years ago still has occasional dreams about gambling. I think they get less frequent and less intense over time.
As soon as I have a thought about gambling I try to intervene in my thoughts before it becomes an urge. I remind myself of the worst days gambling something like Skip's - falling into bed after 3 days without food, or sleep, unwashed and penniless. Some of us give ourselves kidney infections because we will not get up from the machine or the table to use the restroom. I go through HALT asking myself each of those, Am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired? I have to add physically sick/pain, bored, wanting to celebrate, depressed and do I have time/money and no plan? I have written out what I will do besides gamble for each of those issues.
If the thought becomes an urge it is harder to redirect but doable. It helps to have some tools and a healthy daily routine. I thank my HP for giving me another day to be a better person, I read an affirmation and meditate on it a bit, in the morning, then I come on DS, then I try to get a little exercise in (my weak point) a 10 minute walk then eat something healthy. Artwork relieves my anxiety. If you practice the tools you have when you don't have a thought or urge it will come more naturally.
Somehow once we compulsive gamblers have crossed that invisible line of becoming compulsive, we can do controlled gambling for a bit but sadly it is always worse than the last time in the end.
Step one: We admitted we were powerless over gambling - that our lives had become unmanageable.
Changing the false belief that gambling is harmless and stress relieving was something i had to do.
Also the false belief I had that I could get ahead by gambling.
So sorry you are facing surgery I send prayers and hugs to help you through that.
Artwork can help with depression and the gambling urges - even coloring. It gives your brain an alternative pathway besides gambling. It can actually physically change your brain.

Also, for me, I mute casino and state lottery ads, I do not play pretend gambling as I find it triggers me, especially if I seem lucky. My support group frequently talks about cross-addiction. Among the women, shopping, TV and food are frequent. I want to be addiction free one day.

Thank you all for the advice. As my surgery nears I'm running out of time to actually go and gamble, so thanks for getting me through that rough patch there. I think I just felt like things were uncontrollable and gambling made me feel temporarily powerful; but I know it's a trap deep down. Thank you.

Hi Nancy! I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. I really know how you feel. I also think to myself from time to time "it will be different, I'll be a casual gambler." But I know it won't be and I think you do too. I'll spend as much as I can, and spend anything I win too.

I've been having horrible family drama recently so I've been dealing with the urges too. I gave in a week ago and it was awful. I felt worse because on top of all the normal life stress, I lost money and 7 months of being GF. Trust me, don't go. You will only feel worse! And I'm so sorry you're battling health issues on top of this. I can only imagine how that makes you want to escape.

Do whatever you can to stay away. Go for a walk, paint a picture, get some movies, go see friends or family. Anything that will keep you away! And take it one day at a time...even an hour at a time if you need to.

Hugs and prayers to you!

Hi Nancy,
My last bit was February 9, 2016 so it's very recent and I am new in recovery. I think I want to remind you of is that god awful feeling of sitting in the casino having gone and spent it all going back to the ATM getting more money. Then the walk of shame back to your car in the parking lot realizing it was supposed to be an hour trip turned into six hours or your bank accounts drainedyour soul is empty and your stomach is sick. Remembering how bad when you going to binge or you've lied that feeling. Do you really miss that? Every time we think it's going to be different whether you win or you lose still that shame the follows you around like a shadow. Don't do it