I haven't gambled since June 2015. I so want to gamble right now. Luckily I don't have any money and the nearest casino that I am not banned from is two hours away. I don't want to justdo any gambling I want to go to a casino. I am trying to wean myself off off an anti dressant by myself and I feel like crap. On the plus side since I started this medicine 6 years ago I have been unable to cry or really feel emotion and since I have cut my dose in half I actually had a good cry today Something I needed to do for a long time. It's always just there but won't come out. And most of the emotion I fell is negative and anger. I am suicidal and depressed. It's not like I felt good on the medicine and it is giving me side affects like always feeling suicidal and raising my blood pressure. I am being horrible to my family and it's 3 days before christmas. I thought things would get better when I quit gambling but it's still always something. This month my car needed extensive repairs which was supposed to be for christmas money. Some one did pay for the repairs for me but life is just so frustrating right now. I hate christmas I just want to stay home and sleep. I have had a cough for a month and it's not getting any better. I just want to sit at a blackjack table and tune the world out. I do have an errand to run on Sunday that will take me one hour from the casino.
I'm thinking of separating from my wife . She doesn't understand how easily stresed I become and how hard it is to fight addiction. We have a young son. I'm wondering if being on my own might aid recovery.
Some here are aware that I am finishing my Bachelor's degree at age 62, a frequently stressful task. I am taking summer classes which condense 12 weeks of material into 4 weeks. I have a final paper and another paper to finish today. My financial aid is late, my roommate gave 30 days notice that she is moving, (I cannot afford place on my own) and the landlord gave me a no-cause, 60 day...