Hi Marie,

You certainly are not alone ... I can/do relate to much of what you have shared here.
Good for you for making some positive changes in your life ... One day at a time!

Marie you are not alone. We've been there done that. Get back to the gym learn from the trainer how to perform the exercises correctly and then eventually maybe you can get away from the trainer. There are so many workout videos online and other resources.I know personal training is expensive so maybe you can set a goal to start working out by yourself or with a friend at the gym and not have to keep paying a trainer. You will be accountable for your workouts. You can spend time developing your daily workout. Even if it's a few times a week. Not bashing personal trainers but I have seen many in the gym that just stand there with a clipboard and write down the weight being lifted and number of reps being done.

Gaining abstinence and strength is a process not an event. It will seem like two steps forward and one step back but it works. Whatever slips, relapses and failures you have are just opportunities to explore the weaknesses in your plan more thoroughly. If your boat springs a leak, you've got to find a different way to patch it.
Write out your triggers when you are not feeling triggered, and write out a plan of what you will do next time.
My face to face support group provides me with phone numbers of other members, this is a tool. I sometimes call a fellow member when I am stressed or having an urge. I sometimes take out the art supplies, I sometimes journal, I sometimes go for a walk.
There are so many things to work on when we first start going through withdrawals and we really can't think straight until we get a couple or three months of abstinence.
You might also try examining what you believe to be true about gambling. For instance I used to believe that I could get ahead by gambling. For me, that was a false belief, as a compulsive gambler, I will never get ahead, there isn't a big enough win for me to ever feel satisfied. And I was gambling to escape not win money. Once I changed the FALSE belief, I could change the behavior.
No reason for shame or embarrassment around this group, we have all had many day one's and many of us, including me, have had far worse behavior.
There is hope
Hugs & Prayers.

Thanks to all who responded. Good analagy on the boat with a leak. I am a person who listens to so many other peoples problem. All the time someone needing to dump and they pick me. I am really drained and would love to have a friend to talk politics, world events, history, religion ext. My husband is my best friend and we talk all the time.. I think lonlyness is my trigger now, eventhough I know lots of people. I don't even know how to find this other women. Hum, can't do a "want ad"?

H.A.L.T is one of the best 12 step tools I have ever gained, I use it often, it is relevant across all addictions. It stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired. They are the four most common triggers to re-engage our addiction. If I take the time even to stop when I have a thought or urge to gamble to ask myself: Am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired? I can more easily find another way to meet my need. Gambling like other addictions, has an element of escape, of NOT thinking by writing out those triggers and what we will do next time we are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired instead of gambling is like a fire drill. It gives us another pathway for our behavior and even grows a new neural pathway. The pathway is weak to begin with, but each time we do something different besides gambling it gets stronger.

For friendship or intellectual stimulation have you checked out meetup.org? It is a web site where you can join a local group or create one. My town has meet-ups for astronomy, poetry, entrepreneurship, jogging, hiking, biking, book clubs, wine clubs, tennis, and hopscotch to name a few.

I am often happy about the wisdom on this forum. In a way, gamblers are hopeful people, at least that's how it starts. Anticipation that good things will happen and being willing to work hard at the machines or tables to make it happen. But then when it crosses the line into addiction, I agree Marie about it becoming self-medicating and self-abuse. The nights I spent sitting in a casino smoking cigarettes and wasting money and not sleeping all night can't be described as anything but self-abuse as well as abuse of my family. People do stupid things whether it is prescription drug abuse or porn or Ashley Madison sites or whatever, to deal with pain or unmet needs. Sounds like you have a good plan to get physically healthier, and a lot of self-awareness to get mentally healthy too.

Yes, I have been there too recently. Even though you lost the battle, continue the Fight ! Thanks for sharing !

@MarieH2 -- Hang in there. I hear that you are hurting, but don't beat yourself up. The fact that you are relapsing and see it as something you don't want to do is a step in the right direction. Every time you get back on the wagon, you get stronger. Eventually, your brain will realize that the feelings of vindication and the improved life of non-gambling is so much greater than the pain of relapsing.

Learn how to self-soothe without gambling. That was huge for me. Stress of any kind (not even bad news like you said you received) was enough to set me off on a whole day of gambling. I would skip work, calls, anything, when I got that feeling that I couldn't take my life anymore and I needed to escape.

But eventually, I learned that massages work. Shopping works. Reading positive books works. Taking a long nature walk works.

You deserve better than gambling.