I hear the desperation in your post and I seriously know how you feel. The anxiety is overwhelming and painful, but it WILL get better. You made it 13 days before and you can make it 13 more. The EFT will bounce and there will be charges, but there is nothing that can be done now. Take it as a lesson and move on. Going through hard lessons such as that is what makes me get through one more day gamble free. I am on a daily struggle not to gamble. I got through today but who knows what tomorrow will look like. Just keep your head up and think about getting your finances back on track for now. I know it is a painful guilt ridden process, but YOU CAN DO IT. This is not permanent and you will get over this. Stay strong!!!

Thanks puppylover for listening (reading) and the encouragement to get back up and fight this crazy disease and addiction! I keep thinking about all the C....os that I am have funding but I won't be able to keep a roof over my head and my kids soon if I don't get my act together!

I know how you feel. I cannot begin to think of the amount that is GONE to the casino ....... it is astronomical, but it is all apart of the disease. Dwelling on it only hinders the positive recovery benefits that you and I can achieve. As I type these words of encouragement, I only hope I can be strong and fight this too. I did not gamble today and tomorrow I will do my best!! Good night Lego, you got this!!!

I know your pain! God I know your pain! It is like at the entrance of the casino there is a machine that removes all logic from my brain every time I walk in! When I am there nothing else matters!!!! Not my kids, my house, my car, and sadly my life!!!! The only reason I ever leave is because I am out of cash! Then I am mad because I am out of cash and I cannot play anymore!! That is the sick part! The struggle in this is soo extreme!! You can do this Lego! We can do this!

Lego lady, I really feel your pain. You can become GF again.
The money problems will sort themselves out if you stop.
NO MONEY = NO GAMBLING.
Also , if GA is in your area I would strongly advise you to attend meetings.
This disease is powerful. Like R smithma , it removes all logic from our minds and leaves us powerless to its advances and our lives become unmanageable. Step one in GA, powerlessness and unmanageable lives because of it.
You can do it.
John

We all welcome you back and expect to see your day count rising on roll call starting today.
We have all been where you are, but you are back here and that is all that matters.
John

You are not alone. We have all felt what you're feeling. Just take it a day at a time. I know I can't handle anything more than that! And keep coming back here.

I can relate so well to your post, I have felt that unstoppable urge to get money from wherever I can while at the casino, overdrawn my account, allowed bills to go past due to the point of almost losing utility services. Anything just to feed those evil machines. Then, as someone on this forum once said, there's the walk of shame leaving the casino...trying not to make eye contact with anyone so that they do not see the tears welling up in my eyes and hoping I can contain them long enough to get to my car, where once I'm there they flow freely. I hope that knowing you are not alone helps you in some way. This forum is an excellent source of support. You will get through this.

the pain associated with gambling is so very real. I think that is what I finally got tired of, the pain. and that walk of shame out the door. The good news is that we can start any day to turn our back on that pain. welcome back, and welcome to a new start in your life. we have all felt like you're feeling right now. many times. my motto has been, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. we are pulling for you.

We all been there. Perhaps one too many times....

Today is a new day. We are pulling for you.

Hugs,,

love,
victoria

I agree start fresh with a new day

Hi legolady,
I'm so sorry for your pain. I know how it feels for I have done that exact thing. I bounced many times in a day thinking surely I will win and then pay it all back. but, I never won. That was a such a helpless and terrible feeling when all the fees were hitting my bank account putting my balance under so much farther. This is why it's so important to set up road blocks to your access to cash. NO MONEY = NO GAMBLE! If you end up in the c------ your money will be safe. It really helped me so much when I did that. Please forgive yourself and start again. You can do it! Hugs! Cher

Just checking in to see how your day is going.
How are you doing?

Love,
Victoria

All--Thank you so much for the kind words... everyone here is my lifeline in this terrible time... I hang on to your words of kindness and encouragement. It made me tear up reading all the comments here. I'm used to being shamed and being told I am weak for not being able to stop.. I was dreading coming back to read the comments but when I did.. each and every comment touched this broken heart...(Victoria--thanks for checking on me and asking how I am doing.)

It has been a horrible day and I could not even face the world and could not even open the window shades in my living room for fear of being seen by the world. I did make some progress...Cancelled my players card and also called to tell them I do not have enough money to pay the efts... I am just another junkie to the c...no. They told me everything is electronic so they cannot cancel it out and I need to wait to see what happens. Trying to get more information on self exclusion but chickened out after being tossed around when calling.. so I ended up sending an email to inquire instead. Also cancelled my overdraft in my main account as it was way too easy to over withdraw money to feed this disease. I was constantly playing catch up.. getting paid so I could get out of the negative. It really sucks to be poor and miserable because of this disease.

Tomorrow is another day... and as long as I am still breathing... I can try again.

Thanks for giving this desperate woman some hope. I hope I can return your kindness someday. God bless.

Legolady...I think you have to self-exclude in person - at least in my state you do. I took one of my good friends with me when I self-excluded. The relief I felt walking out of that casino was enormous! Hope you do it!