I am so happy to share that I made my 6 months last week on the 26th. One thing that has kept me from gambling or even considering it during this time is the notion that it's not my money to gamble. A long time ago, before I had become a compulsive gambler or didn't have access to gambling, I had latched onto a concept that I believed and had since forgotten - it's not your money, it's God's money. Everything we have, has been given to us by God (or your Higher Power - whatever works for you). We have been ENTRUSTED to have the money and spend it wisely. It is to take care of ourselves (food, shelter, etc.) so that we can do greater good in the world. If we waste the money or are foolish with it, it will only delay what we are supposed to be doing on this planet while we are here. If we think we earned this money ourselves, we did, but it is because we were given the mind to do it by something greater than ourselves, or the body to accomplish it, which was created by something greater than ourselves.

Since quitting, I have been re-aquainted with this concept and have realized that every dollar I wasted was not mine to waste in the first place. And He will entrust you with more, once you have proved that you are trust-worthy again. This will take some time to turn around completely and you must be willing to get through the 60-90 days of insanity first to let the chemicals rebalance in your brain and body. Fight the urges, take care of yourself in whatever way you can, and after that period of time, the clouds will clear again. Then at that point you can make better decisions and move forward.

Last night I had an anxiety dream - you know the kind where you are trying to take a trip but you can't get to the airport or trying to get somewhere and you are stopped. I was in the dream trying to take a written test. My mind knew the answers but I was drawing a blank on getting them on paper. For once in one of these types of dreams, I actually finished the test, which included writing a short essay which I saw unfold before my on the page as I wrote it. I turned in the test, and then woke up.

I am taking that as a good sign of moving forward and having passed the test of being entrusted again with money that I will manage and spend wisely. If I step into the casino again, the timer will have to be re-set to zero and I will have to start over, which I am not willing to do.

We all must find our own reasons to quit. This is my strongest reason now, even over regretting the money I spent. I have alot of debt from being unemployed while gambling. With re-gaining employment, budgeting and living on 2 paychecks per month, I am able to put my third paycheck this month straight toward my gambling debt and will be moving closer to erasing at least that part of the nightmare.

Thanks to DS and you all who post, keep trying, support each other and understand what a bear this particular addiction is. But keep going and maybe think of yourself as the "guardian of the funds" you've been blessed with and spend it on what you think God or your Higher Power would smile about.