Sorry to hear you are still out there in the mix but glad you took the time and effort to check in. I can tell gambling is still making you very unhappy. Why not walk away for 90 days and see if you do not start feeling much better. I assure you it will still be there and you can always return to the misery if you want. But just try it and then you mind will be clearer and the choice will be yours. My hope is that the time away will be just the start of your new lease on life. I know it will not be easy and withdrawal from this is a bitch, but it is so worth it . Give yourself a break and a chance to reevaluate your relationship with gambling. You might just decide it is time to really start living and get your joy back. God Bless

I had gone two years without gambling, then lost my job and also had to train others. I new it would be the end of my career since I was not willing to travel or relocate. That was the trigger that allowed me to lose focus and slip back into my compulsive gambling.

It really takes so little to give into an addictive behavior. After going through over half of my retirement savings, I have gone 3 months gambling free. I had to decide again that giving up my "Free Will" was an awful price to pay for allowing myself to go daily to a casino and leave feeling so foolish and depressed.

God is the one that has given me the strength to let go of my gambling addiction. Each morning I thank God for regaining my "Free Will". That gift from God is so amazing. You can take you "Free Will" back and regain control of your life. I'll be 65 next week and look forward to celebrating how God has allowed me to be a Free Man again. Please don't give up, make plans on how to use your free time to do the things you once loved to do. Little by little, the way addiction distorts our reality will fade and you can start enjoying life again. God Bless you.

So sorry that you have relapsed and are in the midst of pain again. Try to be kind to yourself, regardless of the bad behavior. You might want to consider blocks on your money and self-banning from gambling establishments.
My higher power has been a wonderful help, but getting tools in place that I practice daily in good, bad, or neutral times help almost just as much. I am one that needs many tools as I cannot depend on my brain to rely on only one. Journaling, artwork, connecting with nature, connecting with people, meditation, prayer, GA, other support groups (2), dance, a goodbye letter to gambling, poetry, therapy, a relapse prevention plan, mindfulness, self-care, photography, volunteer work, and a gratitude diary all play a role in my continued abstinence.

When I gambled I thought I knew why I was doing it; I thought it would make me feel better. I remember telling myself over and over again that I am an adult, that I'm not breaking any laws, so what if I lose, I told myself a lot of things that could hurt me more when I gambled. So what, I'm an adult. So what? It's legal? So is acohol. So what if I lose? That's just a stupid way of thinking! When I feed my addiction I really mess up my way of thinking, about everything. That's why it's so dangerous for me, because I am in complusive gambler. Gambling isn't good for me. Hating myself isn't good for me, the two are connected for me.
TRuss81 - you are in recovery and we are here for you – thank you so much for trusting us