Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Hello, everyone.
It's been quite a long time since I've posted. I wish I hadn't stayed away for so long! The truth is that, finally and thankfully, I haven't been out gambling. I am 80 days CLEAN!!! It's been such a foggy time, filled with urges, resentment, regret, missing the highs, NOT missing the lows. Just so many emotions. I finally gave in and went back to GA, but found a different and more warm/supportive group. I'm glad I did. And though I saw some of the same faces, I finally HEARD their stories this time, rather than saying to myself, and in my head, that mine wasn't ever that bad.
I was just so tired of feeling beat up, of lying/cheating/stealing, not being able to pay the bills, scheming and tossing and turning at night. Though, in some ways, I think the "figuring-out-how-I-was-going-to-make-it" craziness was all part of the addiction and the high. I would leave the casino, totally exhausted, but then spend hours writing down my bills, my expected incomes, figuring out what the shortfall was, and what legal/illegal things I was going to do to survive.
I am so eager to reach my 90 days that the urges have become way easier to fight off. Most times, I just say NO to myself until they pass. I haven't once headed to the car and gotten in with the intention of going to the casino - I know if I made it that far that nobody could stop me, nor would I reach out to be stopped. I try to arrest it way before my feet ever start moving.
Lastly, I have been eating way more than usual, and way crappier, to fill the (dopamine) void. This will be an ongoing battle for me in recovery, I'm sure. I'm just trying to be gentle with myself and my food decisions. I need to lose weight big time, but am starting that process very slowly.
My new goal is no longer 90 days gamble free, but 6 months. And even though I'm taking it one day at a time, I hope that the clarity I will have attained at that point will help to keep me away from the casinos.
I feel cheated and duped, and totally ashamed of the past ten years of my life. I am so thankful to be moving on with my life - I really want to keep it this way.
Hope everyone else is doing well, being strong, finding sanity and clarity. How are you today?
Hugs and strength to all.
It's been quite a long time since I've posted. I wish I hadn't stayed away for so long! The truth is that, finally and thankfully, I haven't been out gambling. I am 80 days CLEAN!!! It's been such a foggy time, filled with urges, resentment, regret, missing the highs, NOT missing the lows. Just so many emotions. I finally gave in and went back to GA, but found a different and more warm/supportive group. I'm glad I did. And though I saw some of the same faces, I finally HEARD their stories this time, rather than saying to myself, and in my head, that mine wasn't ever that bad.
I was just so tired of feeling beat up, of lying/cheating/stealing, not being able to pay the bills, scheming and tossing and turning at night. Though, in some ways, I think the "figuring-out-how-I-was-going-to-make-it" craziness was all part of the addiction and the high. I would leave the casino, totally exhausted, but then spend hours writing down my bills, my expected incomes, figuring out what the shortfall was, and what legal/illegal things I was going to do to survive.
I am so eager to reach my 90 days that the urges have become way easier to fight off. Most times, I just say NO to myself until they pass. I haven't once headed to the car and gotten in with the intention of going to the casino - I know if I made it that far that nobody could stop me, nor would I reach out to be stopped. I try to arrest it way before my feet ever start moving.
Lastly, I have been eating way more than usual, and way crappier, to fill the (dopamine) void. This will be an ongoing battle for me in recovery, I'm sure. I'm just trying to be gentle with myself and my food decisions. I need to lose weight big time, but am starting that process very slowly.
My new goal is no longer 90 days gamble free, but 6 months. And even though I'm taking it one day at a time, I hope that the clarity I will have attained at that point will help to keep me away from the casinos.
I feel cheated and duped, and totally ashamed of the past ten years of my life. I am so thankful to be moving on with my life - I really want to keep it this way.
Hope everyone else is doing well, being strong, finding sanity and clarity. How are you today?
Hugs and strength to all.
Hamburger - You're about a month ahead of me. Nice job. I have gained about 10 pounds in the past 90 days. Very scary. I really need to stop giving into THOSE cravings, too... but I don't want to overwhelm myself. It's everything from burgers (haha) to pizza to fried food to sweets. I am just filling the dopamine void and it feels good, helps the gambling cravings. But it, too, is like an addiction and I don't want to do irreversible damage to my body. Stay strong!
Madscratcher - thanks a bunch! Hope you're hanging in there, too!