Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I had to travel for work last week to a state in which I was not self-banned.
I am ashamed to admit that I googled local casinos and even called an uber driver to get an estimate on what the fare would be. It would've been $100 each way, and I no longer have access to that much cash without my payee knowing. A $200 total round trip uber bill would have jarred suspicion. It stopped me.
During my rampage I even thought about coming on here for a split second, because I knew you all would help me, but my addiction didn't want to come on here. It felt ashamed to admit we are still that sick, that the urges are still that strong after 8.5 months. And it didn't want to hear the voice of reason from anyone. It wanted to go. And badly.
I'm traveling a lot next month to states I am not self-banned in, but I wanted to confess this is happening and to ask for your help once again.
I am ashamed to admit that I googled local casinos and even called an uber driver to get an estimate on what the fare would be. It would've been $100 each way, and I no longer have access to that much cash without my payee knowing. A $200 total round trip uber bill would have jarred suspicion. It stopped me.
During my rampage I even thought about coming on here for a split second, because I knew you all would help me, but my addiction didn't want to come on here. It felt ashamed to admit we are still that sick, that the urges are still that strong after 8.5 months. And it didn't want to hear the voice of reason from anyone. It wanted to go. And badly.
I'm traveling a lot next month to states I am not self-banned in, but I wanted to confess this is happening and to ask for your help once again.
While planning our vacation, I asked my husband if I could have an allowance to spend on fun that I wanted to do. He asked, "Like go to a casino in another state you are not banned in?" I said, "Yes". He said, "Really? That is like telling a cocaine user he can use cocaine on vacation because after all it is vacation."
Gosh dang it, I hate when he makes since.
We laughed, but later my inner temper tantrum child felt like it was "Unfair." So I had to have a talk with her and make her see the logic in not going to a casino in another state.
I am learning..........
Like practicing for a disaster drill.
Not that I have "got" it, I need to work more on staying in contact and being active with my support group, friends and family. I am a better person when I feel connected. I need to work more on being present and listening to my body and my thoughts.
However a short 16 months ago I was a mess, aware of nothing, angry at myself, suicidal and hopeless, as I had spent a few decades blocking everything out.
And take my prayers and hugs.
I agree with everyone else. Always be prepared and have a plan. I wanted to go tonight when I found out some MORE bad news but I'm on a roll with working out and I needed to do that after work instead! Make plans for all your free time...find a new restaurant to try, set time for meditation or prayer, a reading time, a workout time, see a museum...things that you won't want to miss! Afterall, how cool to be in a new city!! Why waste it gambling? Maybe book yourself a massage or pedicure, too!
Also, don't belittle the huge achievements you've made. YES you still have urges after 8.5 months, and yes you make plans to act on them. but you've resisted them all and that shouldn't be discounted! You are an inspiration to me and so many others. Keep up the great work!