The urge will eventually disappear. I am now 2 years GF! And I don't want to go back. What did it? Knowing the cost to my family, future, and my soul. I don't want to go to hell.

I am 10+ months gamble free. I only occasionally have a though to gamble or an urge. But gambling is a method of self medication that i used for many years, it wore a path in my brain that I got accustomed or addicted to.
Initially, I had to replace the acts of gambling with something, anything. I had to find other activities that had nothing to do with gambling to fill the time, ease the anxiety, filled the need for variety. I had to analyze what triggered me to gamble and plan other ways to deal with the situation besides gambling.
Now, when ever I find myself wishing I could go to the casino or even having a fleeting thought of going to a casino, I know it is a call to action for me. If I have thoughts or urges to gamble, what need do I have that is unfulfilled? Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? Am I grieving, or have some kind of recent loss? Do I need variety? Am I anxious? How else can I take care of my needs besides gambling?
Also, I had to change my belief's about gambling that were false.
Like: 1)I can get ahead by gambling.
2) Gambling is fun
3) Gambling is relaxing
As a compulsive gambler, I cannot get ahead by gambling, and it is not fun or relaxing for me. If I change the belief, I can change the behavior.

I just don't know if I can live with the idea that I will never gamble again for the rest of my life. I never felt a rush like that from anything else, not ever. I feel like I'm losing something. I know the costs could be high, maybe devastatingly so; it's just so hard to deal with the idea that it will never be a part of my life again. #day84

I understand completely. I have gone over 9 months and still have urges. But they pass or no one could stay in recovery. This last week has been hard but I try to avoid the games I use to bet all the time. That is why I believe you only have to say I will not bet today and make no promises for tomorrow. I cannot predict the future or will try and it makes it a little easier by just focusing on today. Do the best you can Nancy and try to remember the pain and hurt it caused you.

I am working on month 11 of abstinence. I believe you still have the urge to gamble because you are not being 100% honest with yourself about what gambling actually is. I romanticized about gambling for a long time and that is one of the reasons it was so hard to quit. I felt like I was part of something; some subculture. I believed that while the average dummy was home on the couch clicking through reruns of Pawn Stars and what not I was out and in the middle of the action. I was betting huge amounts of money. Sometimes I'd win, most of the time I'd lose. I knew what it felt like to press a button and within seconds win nearly $70,000. How many people on this planet can say that? I made gambling part of my identity and for a long time I ignored what it was really doing to my life (and why I was letting it happen) because I believed I was a player. I created this fantasy about living some fast paced lifestyle that made me unique and different, like some pseudo-badass. The truth is I was lying to myself. I spent most of my days and evenings hid away in a dirty, disgusting, smoke filled room with cheap carpet, crappy stools & the smallest cups of free coke you'll ever see, pumping my paycheck and every bit of credit I had access to into a machine designed and engineered to slowly eat my bankroll away. Standing next to a craps table or sitting at a blackjack table is no different. The game is designed for you to lose. You aren't there looking for a rush. You're there looking for an escape. There are lots of exciting activities you can do that will give you an adrenaline rush. Jump out of a plane, go white water rafting, climb a mountain, buy a motorcycle, I mean the list goes on and on. Why chose the one thing that is self destructive?

The only time I ever think about gambling again at this point is when I have dreams about gambling. Otherwise I view the casino in the same light as the coach who sexually abused me when I was a child. A predator who no longer controls who I am and is no longer welcome in my life, period.

Highlimit..... You really need to write a book. Your have pointed out the disgusting casino life. Well done.

Stay busy and be kind to yourself. I know how you feel. Maybe go on a short trip to see someone instead of being alone.

It might take as long to truly quit gambling as it took to become a gambling addict. Give it time. I self-banned in 2009. The first year I thought about gambling all the time, and eventually slipped away to a casino a couple hours away where I wasn't banned. My behavior there proved I had no control. A year later I was still thinking about gambling at a weak moment and travelled to play some slots. Luckily I didn't win and could feel shame about my behavior and losses. Free since then, only very minor urges in times of stress. Someone else used the acronym H.A.L.T. in this thread to remind yourself what is triggering the gambling urge. I always used B.L.A.S.T. for bored, lonely, angry, sad, tired. It's good to figure out the trigger--sounds like bored and lonely was your last trigger. I have learned to even go to a movie by myself to get out of the house and not go to a casino. Can control the spending to $20 including popcorn instead of $200 or $2000 into a slot machine.

I agree, you need to stop kidding yourself. If you back things will get worse not better. eventually you'll be in worse positions physically, mentally and financially than you are now. Trust the people on this site. Don't do it

I think there is very wise advice from those who replied. I so needed to read those replies, too. Thank you.

Rather than think of it "for the rest of [your] life, think of it as just for today. Words that are "the rest of my life" trigger me to become defiant as in a small child throwing a tantrum...lol...saying I'm gonna do it watch me, to "no way I can do that" and simply I start refusing to something forever. But for today, I can do it.

I love some of these comments. Some of you who are doing well inspire me and motivate me to quit. I have relapsed twice now since May of this year. Both times I lost 1600, so I had to take out loans and with fees and interest, I am now paying back almost double the 3200 I lost to begin with. It totally is not worth it. Yes, I think about it, and sometimes I daydream about going back to chase my losses. I know that's the addiction talking, and I must tell myself no. I don't want to be someone who has lost 6 figures in gambling. I am already up to the five digit mark, and I want to stop. This is a very strong illness that I wish more people could understand. Just today, someone at work told me to just go with 100 dollars, or whatever I can afford and I won't get myself into binds like I have been. I tried to explain I can't do that. They couldn't understand. I don't blame them, but it would be nice if more people understood the power that gambling addiction does have over someone. I fight everyday to stay strong. I do not want to go back a third time and keep going in circles. The past 7 years is when I got addicted to slots. I started off in poker, which for me, was more controlled. One day I started playing slots, and never stopped. 7 long years, I have nothing to show for it but a 5 digit debt. I know things will get better. I just need to focus, and not gamble one day at a time.

Wow, thank you all for the responses.

I think what is hitting home from all of you the most is turning the idea of gambling from something amazing, risky, and thrilling to something that is destructive, disgusting, and horrifying.

I read a journal entry of mine yesterday from a year ago. In it, I was talking about how other people are wrong, that I was a "true craps player" and that I could turn professional. I had just won $4,200 playing craps and was convinced that I could turn this into $20,000-plus a month "on the side" playing 10-20 hours per week, without telling anyone. I was writing in my journal about so-called professionals like The Hand who supposedly regularly won tens of thousands of dollars from 70-plus rolls at craps all of the time. I had plans on how to spend the winnings.

This journal entry wasn't amazing, risky, or thrilling. It was rather sad. It is what experts call "magical thinking." It was sad to apply my time, energy, and potential to something that is so destructive, disgusting, and horrifying. I was making goals and plans around something that is nothing more than a game where the house holds more than a 3% advantage.

I would have been better off training for a marathon or studying trivia for competitions or something where the more you practice or play, the more advantage you have. Instead I was wasting my time on a horrific game where the more I practiced or played, the less of an advantage I had.

Thank you all. This was an amazing revelation. Every time I want to go during the day or long to dream about being at the casino at night, I'm going to remember that it's sad, destructive, disgusting, and horrifying.

Understand how huge that 3% is as well. It doesn't sound like much. Most people think that means they'll lose on average 3 cents of every dollar they gamble. Wrong. Way, way wrong. That 3% advantage rakes in hundreds of thousands from 1 table in 1 night.