Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
For those who may be interested to refresh their minds, my first post containing my story is here (March 2011):
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Gambling_Addiction/forum/11770476-my-story
My second post is here (May 2011):
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Gambling_Addiction/forum/12175449-red-black
My third post is here (July 2011):
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Gambling_Addiction/forum/12482083-my-one-year-sobriety-coin
My fourth post is here (August 2011):
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Gambling_Addiction/forum/12657044-relapse
In short, I had started gambling in 2006. In 2009 I hurt my knee which led to surgery in 2010. Since the surgery, I spent all my time doing rehab I managed to cut gambling from my life for more than a year, until August 2011 when I returned to gambling because I was dumped by a prostitute.
In my second post I claimed that my goal was to have paid off my credit card by year end and I told myself I'd come back to report it at that time.
So it's year end now, and I am disappointed to say that I haven't paid off my entire debt. My debt was around the $12,000 mark initially, and now I have gotten it down to $6,000 (with $3,000 in savings, so really only owing $3,000) - after a second balance transfer that $6,000 will not incur any interest for 6 months.
I was well on track to achieving my goal until August, that event cost me about $2,000 as I returned to the roulette table to sooth my depression.
I somehow got over it with time, and my gambling diminished but didn't disappear. I now wasn't gambling out of depression, but for financial reasons. I was now focused on the money aspect of things - the number one rule I had was it was always better to walk out +1 than -1000.
I actually made a bit of money that way, but by saying that, I am not encouraging anyone to gamble. It is still that - a gamble. It's like climbing down a dangerously steep cliff - sure, if you're careful, you might be able to make it down safely, but if you slip on just one small pebble, you could fall back into your addiction and get slammed to the ground.
However, earlier this month I asked a girl from my office out to lunch. She is a few years older than me, and we seemed to get along pretty well. She said she had already made plans that day with other female colleagues, but invited me along. I am not sure if that is a rejection or not, but perhaps in the context of my previous failures with women, I leaned towards the perception that she had rejected me.
That led me to another emotional let down, which caused me to go 'kamikaze' at the casino a few times. Luckily, I managed to get out of it unscathed, not really losing any money (I may have even made some money, not too sure).
The last time I went was two days ago. It was the first time that I had won money and afterwards said to myself I wouldn't gamble anymore (usually I only say that after a loss). I am not sure how true to my word I will be, but just thought that was note worthy.
Anyway, I think if I ever manage to find a decent girl, I can avoid all these emotional issues which won't give me a reason to gamble.
With my improved financial position, I will now look forward to the new year and hope to save some money for investing and buying my first property. I would like to wish everyone a merry christmas and a happy new year.
One last thing: back in my deep addiciton days, I used to tell myself "well it's year end, I promise I won't gamble next year, but since there's a few days left, let's go crazy!!!" - PLEASE do not do that, as it will almost always continue into the next year. If you want change, it doesn't begin tomorrow or next year, it starts now :)
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Gambling_Addiction/forum/11770476-my-story
My second post is here (May 2011):
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Gambling_Addiction/forum/12175449-red-black
My third post is here (July 2011):
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Gambling_Addiction/forum/12482083-my-one-year-sobriety-coin
My fourth post is here (August 2011):
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Gambling_Addiction/forum/12657044-relapse
In short, I had started gambling in 2006. In 2009 I hurt my knee which led to surgery in 2010. Since the surgery, I spent all my time doing rehab I managed to cut gambling from my life for more than a year, until August 2011 when I returned to gambling because I was dumped by a prostitute.
In my second post I claimed that my goal was to have paid off my credit card by year end and I told myself I'd come back to report it at that time.
So it's year end now, and I am disappointed to say that I haven't paid off my entire debt. My debt was around the $12,000 mark initially, and now I have gotten it down to $6,000 (with $3,000 in savings, so really only owing $3,000) - after a second balance transfer that $6,000 will not incur any interest for 6 months.
I was well on track to achieving my goal until August, that event cost me about $2,000 as I returned to the roulette table to sooth my depression.
I somehow got over it with time, and my gambling diminished but didn't disappear. I now wasn't gambling out of depression, but for financial reasons. I was now focused on the money aspect of things - the number one rule I had was it was always better to walk out +1 than -1000.
I actually made a bit of money that way, but by saying that, I am not encouraging anyone to gamble. It is still that - a gamble. It's like climbing down a dangerously steep cliff - sure, if you're careful, you might be able to make it down safely, but if you slip on just one small pebble, you could fall back into your addiction and get slammed to the ground.
However, earlier this month I asked a girl from my office out to lunch. She is a few years older than me, and we seemed to get along pretty well. She said she had already made plans that day with other female colleagues, but invited me along. I am not sure if that is a rejection or not, but perhaps in the context of my previous failures with women, I leaned towards the perception that she had rejected me.
That led me to another emotional let down, which caused me to go 'kamikaze' at the casino a few times. Luckily, I managed to get out of it unscathed, not really losing any money (I may have even made some money, not too sure).
The last time I went was two days ago. It was the first time that I had won money and afterwards said to myself I wouldn't gamble anymore (usually I only say that after a loss). I am not sure how true to my word I will be, but just thought that was note worthy.
Anyway, I think if I ever manage to find a decent girl, I can avoid all these emotional issues which won't give me a reason to gamble.
With my improved financial position, I will now look forward to the new year and hope to save some money for investing and buying my first property. I would like to wish everyone a merry christmas and a happy new year.
One last thing: back in my deep addiciton days, I used to tell myself "well it's year end, I promise I won't gamble next year, but since there's a few days left, let's go crazy!!!" - PLEASE do not do that, as it will almost always continue into the next year. If you want change, it doesn't begin tomorrow or next year, it starts now :)
I have been gambling to destruction for over 2 years now. I have recently said goodbye to gambling and all of the BS that goes along with it. Nothing changes if nothing changes......
I Know if I continue to gamble, things will only get worse....if I stop, things will eventually get better.....that is what I keep my sites on....better days...
Thanks for sharing your story...
Good luck to you.....in everything!
bugsmudge - I think you are right, I am just being negative. I am a lawyer and my office once had a mental health professional come visit us. She said my profession now has the highest rate of suicide, depression and relationship failures because the nature of our work is to focus on negatives - "what if we fail? what if this doesn't go according to plan?"
You are also right in that I need to learn to love myself. It seems that I am always fearful of interrupting people, assuming that whatever they're talking about is more important than what I have to say. I feel like I always put others first before me.
Thanks for reading and providing your thoughts.
I think you are too tough on yourself....obviously....you are an intelligent person who has accomplished a lot professionally. ..
I feel that you can beat this addiction! You need to believe it and do the necessary work.....
We can all do it!!!! It won't be easy but nothing worth having comes easily. Please believe in yourself....I do!
I'm fairly competitive in basketball, but throughout the years, my team just keeps losing and losing. What to do about it? Realise that it's not all on me - sometimes, maybe even a lot of the times, it's my team mates who aren't pulling their own weight.
I train harder than them, and by that I feel I have done my share. I have contributed. I set small goals for myself within games, so for example, for one game I might tell myself I want to play aggressive defense. As long as I do that, even if my team loses, I won't feel like a 'loser'. It is all a matter of your own perception. You are just like me, being too hard on yourself. But sometimes you gotta realise, it's not your fault :)