Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I just lost the most money ever at the casino. My husband switched careers and we ran out of money while he looked for a new job. I sold 2 parrots I've had since they were babies yesterday and we finally had money to put gas in the car and cover his cigarettes. I had an email that the casino was giving me 4 concert tickets to a show we wanted to see but couldn't afford, so i raced out there. I had my $10 freeplay and then started into my sweet, lovely parrot money. I blew all of it. I was never up, just chasing my losses. I then withdrew money from the bank that was there for bills. I would dump $100+ into a machine and never get a bonus, never win anything that put me above my investment, and kept betting higher to hopefully hit some win to get a fraction back. I had those thoughts of what a terrible person i am and i should just kill myself. I wouldn't, i have children and family and such, but the self hatred is so profound the thoughts just creep in.
I don't understand how i can burn through money that is so critical to our existence while my husband is spending a 13 hour day in a hot truck feeling sick and i just threw it all away. I am paniced doing the math about how i will cover the critical bills, and i know my husband thinks it's a serious weakness of will, that it's straight up pathetic to do, and profoundly selfish. I think i can control it. I like the perks, free rooms and tickets, and think i can go there and only bring a small amount and leave bank cards at home, that i will never do anything like that again, but here i am...again. We have been so broke and desperate for money and i am so calculated about sales and coupons and budgets...until i am there..then it is like play money. I've never won a jackpot, which pisses me off considering i lose $6000 a year, and i frequently sit next to people who do, like the universe just wants to piss on me. Last time there a lady sat down and won $1600 in 3 spins on a machine i was just on. In the 20 years I've gone there I've never ever won more than $800. I am now just angry. I feel resentful to see others win, which makes me feel like such an asshole. I feel like i deserve at least one jackpot in my life, which is irrational, but it drives me in this ugly, bitter frustration. It brings out the ugly in me and i fucking hate it. I never want to gamble again. I think about the college fund or vacation or nice automobile we could have had with that money but instead it went into a machine in the hopes of a big bonus round and some flashing lights. I am a total loser in the truest sense of the word.
But none of that helps you right now and you posted because you need words of help (not words if criticism). And that's a brave and honorable act on your part. Here's my advice to you. You lost money gambling. Many people have. That doesn't make you a bad person. You wanted to make some quick cash to help with the bills and it didn't work out. Rather, it made things worse. Much worse,
So here's the lesson. Gambling will not answer financial woes. You know that now. So how do you deal with your financial issues? You address them with your creditors. You call and set up payment plans. You prioritize the bills you need to take care of your children. The electric company can't shut off your electricity if you set up a payment plan with them. The bank can't foreclose on your home if you're willing to work with them. And food and necessities take priority to any other spending meaning you should tell your creditors that a certain portion of your income must be dedicated to necessities (grocery, gas, not gambling) and that is why you may be a little short this month. It's ok. They'll work with you as you try to get back on track. So that should get you through the short term.
But that's just phase one. That's what you're here for . But phase two is more important. You should stop gambling. You probably won't because you haven't hit your "rock bottom" yet. But you should. And how you do that will be very personal. Read posts on here. You'll see our struggles. You'll see our successes. You'll see our failures. There is no one size fits all answer. But start studying the addiction so you can put together a plan that works for you..
Finally, don't beat yourself up over this. It happens more often than you might think. A gambling addiction is not cancer or leukemia. It's a disease that, with a lot of hard work, can be defeated.
I don't know if rehab helps, I'm sure it could. One thing that I know helps, for sure, is to quit gambling. You might not find something to replace the rush, but you don't know what you will find until you try. One day at a time is how to put distance between yourself and your last bet. I hope to hear more from you. Stay strong.