Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
HI still not being able to navigate this site. anyway, my last bet was on 5th August 2012. I am at a point right now where i am trying to deal with emptiness and boredom. I think i have overcome alot during Therapy (talking) sessions, writing online really has helped me overcome alot of issues, and i am not in denial about my weakness and limitations, but it just seems like i have lost the spark of imagination, finding it hard to concentrate and really enjoy my life. Some people would find it hard to live my life as i would find it hard to live theirs. However i am still going on, before recovery i was self loathing and pessimistic, i was thinking about suicide alot. But i have worked through all that. Last time i gambled i learnt that feeling empty and lonely and bored is far better than going gambling, gambling is like adding fuel to the fire. this time i have told myself i want to remember that first off i don't particularly enjoy sitting at the machines because i can see right through them, second i know that i can not walk away until i have lost my money, i will always be back soon whenever i have walked away. i just want to focus on what i can do other than gambling.
This site is not the only activity though. Think of the things that you enjoyed doing before gambling and casinos overtook your life. I find myself going back to some of those activities...I liked to crochet, play chess, play scrabble, etc. Make a commitment to volunteer your time in an area that you enjoy, the time you would of spent at the casino in a week can be spent helping some worthy cause. Even if that worthy cause is fixing up your own home...with the $$ you are saving from not throwing it away of course. The first step is to remove the thought that casinos are the only form of entertainment or activity.
I last gambled in February. I was just about at rock bottom financially, my husband had no idea that I'd been gambling away bill and tax money and was in a hole so deep I never thought I could dig us out. At first, I was so filled with shame and hopelessness that I could barely get out of bed. I went through the motions of living, had to "perform" for my family, but I was truly disconnected and disassociated in my mind. After a few weeks, I started to get a little bit of my "being present" back, but I felt physically sick, fatigued, and nervous, definitely a type of PTSD of what I had done to myself and my family.
. Once those withdrawal symptoms went away, I focused on the peace, the "coming out of the fog", what someone once referred to as the Pink Cloud. I was floating high on living an honest life, being responsible, working on recovery instead of destruction.
Then, a family friend was diagnosed with ALS, and that gave me the reality check that of all the afflictions to be struggling with, this was one of the easiest to "fix". I kept thinking that if all he had to do to stop his body from deteriorating would be to stay away from a casino, that he wouldn't even think twice about saving his life by not sitting in front of a slot machine!
After the "high" of peace and stress-less days began to wear off, I realized that I needed to "throw myself" into something, anything except gambling. I wanted the adrenaline, the rush, the excitement and anticipation of something! In fact, I needed it! So, I decided to start working with someone in sales, and got the rush from making money, closing the sale. Used my "need for excitement" for good, not evil!
It's a process, allow yourself to heal, to forgive yourself, to learn from it. Not everyone goes through it exactly the same way, but the boredom seems to be a common theme at a certain point of the recovery. Find something that will get your heart racing, awaken those feelings of excitement, just don't let it be the slots!