Much thanks Toey..I will do it again...I hope you are well too

Mate, know the feeling and did the exact same thing myself. A piece of advice - don't try a chase the monies you lost as hard as that is!

Accept and learn from it and move forward!!

Recognize it as reinforcement to what you already knew would happen. It will never change so next time you will make the change in yourself and stop hitting your head against a brick wall. Next time you have an urge, pat yourself on the back and tell yourself you will not fall for that evil voice trying to get you to succumb...you're stronger and wiser now...just for today, "I will NOT gamble". I guarantee you will wake up the next morning and feel good and proud of yourself, not like you have a hangover.

Today I will not succumb!
Tomorrow will the Today that I do not succumb.
Thank you one day at a time seems a lot easier.
Dear So sick, I pray that your heart aches less today than when you posted on the 12th.
Be strong. I need you posting it really helps!

I also have to admit, after a mere 17 days of being gamble free, I relapsed and had several horrible trips to the casino. Right now, I have to say that my mind feels like its going to blow up or something. I have again began entertaining thoughts of "possibly winning lots of money" which can get me back on track financially. Damn, stupid slot machines. It stole all the money I was able to save during the 2 weeks I wasn't gambling. Then I was able to sell a few stuff on ebay and of course, the money went to the machines. It's sad to imagine but I am sometimes losing hope on myself, if I will be able to change. I guess I was able to start with 2 weeks, maybe I can improve on that. I don't know. I thought I finally had a grip on this disease but I guess I was wrong. Fighting this alone is going to be an uphill battle. One that I cannot imagine how I will be able to survive. :(

I began to gamble again last Tuesday when the stupid casino here had tempted me to use the points I have accumulated to play again. They have this points for play thing going on and since I had accumulated about 7K points it meant that I can play 2K max per day. And being an addict, what a temptation it was of course knowing that I will be able to play again without shelling out cash from my pocket! At first, I thought I was just going to play a little bit and then once I had the points converted into cash in one of them machines, I will take the cash and run. LOL Well, guess what? In the 3 days I played, I won all the time and at some point, I was able to triple the 2K credits! But as expected, I ended up losing them all again! I was close to escaping with a "win" but couldn't resist the thought of "playing just one more time." Well, we all know what that one more time is, one more time until everything is gone. Stupid.

If there's one good thing about this relapse, I barely lost money. It was mostly my points from playing unimaginable amount of money and although I did loose a few bucks from the stuff I sold off ebay, it wasn't a lot really. The really bad part though is having back the thoughts of possibly hitting it big just like the other people I saw winning huge progressive jackpots. And I hate having these thoughts!!! I really do. :(

I also feel guilty because my mom had to sacrifice a lot and may even have to take out a loan on her pension so she can pay some of the loans I had taken out. I told her not to but she keeps on insisting that she will. She has been handling my finances since last month. I hand over to her my salary every payday and she just gives me some lunch and transportation money for work daily. I had promised her that she will find me dead before I ever set foot to a casino again. And though I'm not thinking of killing myself to keep that promise, I feel like garbage because I let her down again. I now have to find some way to get back on track and I feel so ashamed, so low, so disappointed and I don't know where to find the courage to start again without having doubts about myself that at one point, I will just cave in and gamble again.

Most casinos here in my part of the world is owned by only one corporation. Others and new casinos have to get licenses from them in order to operate. This is why there are only few and far between casinos here. Well, not until the dawn of those online internet gambling cafes as they are everywhere now but those are not as strongly appealing and addictive to me than the live action at the casinos. Anyway, my worry is that I just saw on the news that another huge casino will be opened here soon and a couple more by next year! This is just plain terrible and for a third world country, I am wondering why we have this much casinos now when most people are supposed to be in poverty! I just hate the fact that more casinos only means more temptation for me and of course, I know, more people will be addicted.

Oh well, I guess I just have to take it one day at a time again and really focus on why I want to recover from this disease. I am hoping to have better days soon because I know I deserve a life way better than this one I'm living right now. I just need the courage to change and the patience & faith that I can and deserve to have a life worth living again.

so sorry to hear that story. guess ya got your best foot forward just need to stop tripping up on the other one. yeah its a battle to say the least to stay away and free promo stuff dont help either. guess arround here ya dont see nothing for big money tossed at ya. hell if they send ya something for 10 or 15 dollars that would be about it. lol so yeah since that can be gone in as much as a couple pushes of the botton i dont bother. lol lol lol guess if they sent one for a 100 i probrably couldnt get there fast enough either. lol geees i guess its a good thing too i never used a players card. hell i dont want them to know what im spending and guess neither do i.

Thanks dewit2it. Yeah, 2000 Philippine pesos is only like 50 bucks. So it wasn't much but still, a temptation is a temptation and I let it get the best of me.

Last Friday, I just found out that my manager here at work was let go. I reckon he was terminated but our company is nice enough to let him resign instead of firing him. The reason is because he had so many absences.. probably about 2 months or so in total. And guess what, I found out that he owed a lot of money from the people here at work. And I think he had that many absences because he was gambling. I kinda knew that he was a CG too when I saw him a couple of times at the place where I gamble. We were actually both surprised to see each other at that place. LOL

Well, he was a nice manager and frankly, one of the best ones I've had because he knows how to handle people well. He knew how to please his people without breaking the rules and it is hard to do that for managers. Most of my previous managers where suckers to management and I hated them. Hahaha! Well, it is sad because he has 2 or 3 kids and his wife probably doesn't know about his issues. And also, the shame and humiliation that he will probably face if he ever shows up here at work. I just wish him the best and I hope he will recover just as I hope I will do the same.

This addiction destroys lives for sure and I have to keep reminding myself everyday of the effects that it brought me and the people around me.

yeah guess i know someone to who im not really left for sure for gambling reasons. but yeah she spent alot of time at the casino and ended up loosing their house and ended up moving into a cabin they owned. no longer works for the district but yeah word out there is gambling done her in. wanna say she was close to 60 at the time and everything but that cabin was taken from them because of gambling.

I pray that all is well with you. Nevertheless, please come back. People care about you. Check in. I'm praying for you. Keep fighting the good fight of faith. God Bless

yeah people sure check in and check out on this site almost in the same breath. wish i got the solution that quick. lol