Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
The longest period i was GF was almost 2 years (2014-2016). I quit because i had a "bigger" problem then, my partner of 10 yrs left me for someone else. Hence, i had this motivation to improve in all aspects of my life; physically, mentally, spiritually, financially,etc. i focused on my career, exercised, ate healthy, saved money, travelled, etc. Honestly, quitting the casino then was effortless since it was just a tiny portion of a bigger goal. i was successful.
But then eventually, i became complaisant and lazy, maybe because i've achieved what i wanted to achieve. i started to mindlessly gamble again. as usual, my bets started small and "harmless" but then as i won big, the bets escalated too. the biggest loss so far, $4k in a single trip. it's f****'n annoying! i wanted to come back and chase the loss but since i banned myself a long time ago, it'd mean i need to travel far to play. what a relief! but it's also stressful when the urge is so strong that i wanna give in already.
i certainly dont wish for a disaster to happen again so that i'd be pushed to quit. but how i wish it would be easy just like before.
I think for me is the key was that my goal was not just to quit gambling but to live a happier, better life. I had to first come to believe that I deserved a better life. This took the better part of 4 months of abstinence, counseling, group therapy, grief and loss workshops, affirmations, journaling, gratitude diary, artwork, socializing, building other activities into my life and learning to take meticulous care of myself. (Eating, sleeping, meditating, exercising, taking time to socialize, and to be alone, learning to like then love, myself.)
Finding other ways to tend to my feelings and other triggers, then finding ways to give to others. Giving up the idea that it can be done without effort might be a good idea, steel yourself for the effort it will take. It may be one of the hardest things you ever do, but know that it is worth it. NO, you don't have to wait for a disaster to come, but at $4 grand a pop it would seem there is one just around the corner.
You can decide to divorce gambling and choose to join back in with the world and have more peace and happiness or not. You are not very long in relapse, you managed almost two years, can you look at the abstinence period and pull out what you did to stay abstinent that long? When you started back gambling what was the trigger? How could you deal with it better now? You can use the experience to learn what you need to do a little differently. Those nearly two years are not gone, it is not like you did not get some abstinence. Analyze it find your weaknesses, make a new plan, dust off the old one, do everything you can to get between yourself and this nasty addiction. You are worth it and you deserve a life without constant chaos and worry.
your post scares me a bit, even after two years it comes back w/a vengence, but its not the money, its the healing of the inside to stop you from self damaging that needs fixing, cant just ignore it, it is there for life, so break it down inside and figure out why you have a need to harm yourself
best to you, god bless
I notice this happening with me. Something great happens to me, and all of a sudden, I have an urge to gamble. It makes no sense, until I stop and realize I am self-sabotaging because I don't yet believe I deserve good things, that I am fully worthy, that I am worth fighting for.
While I'm in the process of accepting and allowing myself to believe I deserve good in my life, I am learning just to say "thank you" and how to actually feel gratitude. Even if I don't feel entirely deserving, even if I don't feel ready for all of this good, I can learn to get quiet and thank God and the universe for it. And start there.
I don't know if this is part of your issue too, but realizing I push my good away until I feel I have reached some sort of a milestone/am more deserving is a pattern of mine, and I've always used gambling to keep my own good away -- until these past 17 months.