Yes, I feel it, I didn't decorate until this last weekend, which is very unlike me. Once I started to move, and do something, I started to get into the holiday spirit, I baked for my family and neighbors, and I have been staying busy, which helped me a lot. This time of year is always hard, no matter who you are, but combine that with an compulsive gambling problem, well, its twice has hard. But, here is the good news, rather than being at a casino, you get to participate in the journey called life. So, no matter what, continue to be grateful, continue to try and reach out to others, and stay busy. Happy holidays.

Your post resonates with me, Pennyluv, especially the "dark, numbing place". For me the holidays were tough from the beginning. Childhood holidays were often nightmarish. Around 20 yrs ago in my 40s I told my family I was not doing holidays any more. I have no children, my dog did not care, I wanted no presents and I am not giving any nor doing anything special.
Giving it up was much easier. I do not stress about things to do or decorations, I actually enjoy the season more. I sometimes work at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen over the holidays and I sometimes, when I have a enough $ go buy toys for Christmas and give them to one of my favorite charities locally. Giving up responsibility for the holidays made them healthier for me.

Staying busy is a good strategy, however, for me, I also need to not just stay busy to maintain my recovery, I have to spend some time just "being", it is not just about the activity but the relationships and the feelings. The more mindful I am in my every day activities and mindful of my own internal thoughts and feelings the easier it is to take care of myself and it is easier to to make healthy relationships.
Artwork or anything creative really helps anxiety even doodling or coloring in a coloring book. (Also would count as something creative: decorating for Christmas, designing, cooking, needlework, carpentry, sculpture, gardening, dancing, photography.)
Exercise helps release dopamine naturally in smaller doses and really makes most everyone feel better.

I look around and wonder why so many people are so stressed out trying to have the perfect holiday.
I did not do the whole festive thing this year. No tree, Don't care.
No gift. Gave money to people who needed it.
No baking, who needs all that sugar anyway.
This may be the words for a depressed person. Far from it.
I just decided that this year. No Stress.
It is late and I have two batches of fudge to make and one batch is done and if the other batch gets made, good and if not so what.

This whole gambling addiction has made me decide I have to care about me. Wow, I am important. Not how I make others happy, but how I have to be healthy in my mind and in my body.
I go to the gym now. I eat healthy now and I don't care about how perfect I have to make other people's lives. I care about me.
I am hoping this new year will be more of the same.
I have never put me first, it is weird.
Gambling Sucks!

Absolutely had holiday blues too. It's my first Christmas without gambling. I'm an introvert, so it was hard to get through all of the socially-required parties and events with friends and family without either gambling beforehand (to take the edge off) or afterwards (to feel like I was escaping or giving myself some excitement as a reward).

At times this holiday was mind-numbing. It wasn't easy. I excused myself on Christmas Eve and said I was sick and laid down and napped for an hour. I left one Christmas party early and started another one late so I would have a few hours just for myself.

I thought about gambling a lot too. I had daydreams about driving to the casino, what it would be like, what I would play. I was really dying to go (thank god for self-ban)!

But I think the takeaway here is that I have to learn how to take care of myself and my needs and my wants. I can't attend every holiday party, send holiday cards to every single person, bake and cook and decorate and spin plates and socialize and dress up and give the perfect gift to everyone at every invited event. Conversely I can't give up the things that make me excited. I love exercising and reading and detoxing and journaling and doing what I need to do to be happy and healthy.

At times I need to say I can't or I don't want to do something. And I have to know I am enough, even if I'm not living up to someone else's expectations or am disappointing someone else. It's about setting healthy boundaries for yourself so you feel relaxed and excited and you don't need to gamble.