Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
This has been months coming and I have been reading here for weeks and knowing I needed to join and at least thank everyone here who has posted their story to give me the courage to stop this horrible double life I've been living and that's been destroying my soul. My story is a lot like most of your stories I've read. I had always enjoyed going to gamble with my friends, and would do it a few times a year and have a great time, and then that was it... then my father passed away, my sister and best friend fell apart, a crazy divorce, son left for college and my other two are older teens who are busy with sports and friends blah blah blah. I sold my house and had a great big equity check and OMG that was so wonderful! I paid off my credit cards put the rest into savings and had really big plans. Went to the casino (which they built a few years ago just 30 minutes from my town) and hit a big jackpot and that's when it began and I was hooked on slots and couldn't wait to go back. I would spend entire days there and wish I had a million dollars to gamble with so I never had to leave...that's so sad that I've actually had those thoughts and really believe I would have done it. It was my escape from everything. Started only going alone and and lying to everyone and gave back that jackpot and then won another and it was a big one as well. Rinse and repeat. After I had given it all back I couldn't believe what I had done, but that didn't stop me bc now I had all of these freshly paid off high limit credit cards with cash advances readily available and I went at it. In about 7 months went from more money than I've ever had on my own in savings, zero credit card debt, great credit to three maxed out cards; over $30K, no savings, and felt like I had no way out. Embaressed, lying to everyone that life was great, and I can be quite the actress.. award winning happy hard working mother of three. What a phony and fraud I had become. A total out of control Addict. Monday I went to the casino (had been every single day that week before) to self exclude and ended up spending half of my paycheck and left feeling like ending my life bc I had no idea what was wrong with me. I knew deep inside I wouldn't bc of my children, but I can't believe how easy it sounded to just get out of this mess. I read this board most of Monday night after I got home and it helped a lot, so thank you all for sharing your stories for all of us who are completly lost and feeling hopeless. Then the next day I went to my sister and let her know what I had done and asked her to come with me to self-exclude. I did it and it was so freeing and just to tell her this awful secret I had been carrying. Hard to believe that I wrecked my financial future in that short amount of time, but I'm now going to attend a GA meeting I found in town this Friday and dig my way out of this mess I made. Getting on the self exclusion list was the best thing I've done, and I thought it would be awful but it wasn't and I felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted off of my shoulders and chest. I didn't have to go back! I can't! I had no idea this was a real thing, and I sure know it is now. I became a different person and I need to get my brain straight and now to come clean to my family and boyfriend. My sister and now this board are the only ones I've told of my addiction. Today I will not gamble. Thanks for reading.
When you say that help is a phone call away, do you mean the GA phone line? Sorry, pretty brain dead this week and just kind of in a daze...
We can do this one day at a time
I too wish I had self excluded months before, but it is what it is at this point.
I know exactly what you mean when you said you’d become so anxious driving past the casino. Same here. I hated going anywhere passing the casino and not being able to go in....
No passing the casino since self exclusion on Tuesday, and think I will take alternate routes for a while, but you give me hope. Thank you.
This destruction DEFIES logic! I can feel your astonishment. I too felt it for so long -- of course when in action too. Just a crazy, destructive life and I wanted more.
Your desire for that 1M just for the action/escape to continue -- oh yes. I too would have given that over and more.
So welcome back to sanity. It will arrive. But it will take some time. HUGE step exclusion and like you, the BEST tool along w/ GA for me.
Yes get some numbers from GA meeting -- most have a phone list. TRY to get to a variety of meetings if possible in your area -- very very helpful. And commit to going at least 3 x . The "flavor" of the meetings change, even within same meeting, and you'll notice your thoughts/feelings change.
ALSO you can USE THE 1800 GAMBLER hotline. I have had friends use that often -- and its 24/7 and anonymous. Please think of that when you need to talk too.
BEST to you and Welcome. Please keep posting.
I did have a major major urge this morning and knew I’d be alone all day and that is a sneaky trigger for me. I planned to take a road trip across the state line (one hour drive) where I’m not self excluded, but instead I had my bf take my car keys and my spare keys to work with him. That was embarrassing, but I’m so relieved that I’m now homebound. Sad that I did that right after I attended my first G.A. meeting last night and felt pretty good when I left and then thought about what I could do today and started formulating that plan. My brain is so messed up right now.
Today I will not gamble.