Dear legolady,
It's been a week since your first post and thought I will share something that you may find interesting.

In your initial posting, you've mentioned "unhappy marriage..."
There is other topics in this site regards to relationship as well.

I am sure you are experiencing many difficult issues right now and hope you will find all the strength you need to obstinate from gambling while dealing with life issues.

love,
victoria

Thank-you friends for the great advice. I was pretty pumped and proud of myself this morning but this evening.. my gambling mess has caught up on me.

My mom gave me money to pay a bill back in December and the check was just cashed now and it bounced.. my mom asked me about it and I lied and told her the money should be there.. I was hoping to use my check on Friday to pay it but now she has found out and I am so ashamed to tell my mom the truth. She will be so disappointed and i know she will judge me. I am so stressed.. she is stopping by tomorrow to talk to me and ask me to call the payer to see why they did not get their money. I am so tired of the lies but I can't get myself to tell the truth.

Keeping up with this addiction is very stressful. Are you ready to quit, and put everything into stopping? Tell your family the truth. It is humbling,embarrassing, painful and very freeing. I did not want to come clean to my husband, of course he knew something was up anyway, but after telling him I didn't have to lie. I could say "I need to get my mind off of gambling" etc. I had to earn his trust again and work through this. I suggest you come clean-let the jig be up, it is time.You can do this

Telling the truth is ideal, but if you are not ready to do that, please don't try to fix the mess by gambling. I know how overwhelming the temptation must be.

Dealing with the financial fallout is really hard, but it will be impossible if you are still gambling. In the months before I quit, I tried the "controlled gambling" approach - small amounts of money, etc. Needless to say, it didn't work.

Stay strong!

way to go,
newlife2014,
recognizing the "controlled gambling" approach to solivng and
facing our problems.
That is what GA talks about,
facing life on its own terms,
meaning we DEAL with the small problems,
I call them small because there is nothing that has
been as devestating as dealing with the brunt of the
gambling out of control and to extremes.

This site is so wonderful because you can come
ANYTIME,
day or night
24 / 7
and just read and post to your hearts content,
no judgement
and repurcussions,
maybe some hard truths at times,
but this is what we need,

I truly beleive that ADDICTIONS are all
somehow based upon the premise and the fact
that we are not connected to someone or society and
we are feeling lonely, shameful, scared or afraid of
just life so we gamble or drink or drug or etc.


Reach out and "post" someone whenever you want
and come here and begin and stay in recovery.
For LIFE.

Friends--it really sucks to know how many people we have hurt because of this horrible addiction. My mom is old and she's heart broken. I couldn't even tell her everything and I don't know if she will get over this and sadly I can't comfort her cause I am going through so much. I also don't think she gets it..why I've done the things that I have done. It just doesn't make sense to people who have not had to deal with this horrible disease.. heck it doesn't even make sense to me. I feel so disgusted at myself and for everyone that I've let down.. my kids and my mom. I just want them to know that none of this is intentional and it was to hurt them, but it hurts too much to even speak the words - I'm sorry. I just wish I could crawl into a cave and not come out until I was ready to face the world. I have such a heavy heart. Please say a prayer for me. My heart is so distant from God and I feel so alone and lost.

I suggest that every day you do something kind for someone, especially your mum. That way you will be repairing the damage with your kindness. You will also start to fell better about yourself.

I will keep you in my prayers, Legolady. I always include the great people in this forum.

I can hear the pain in your words. I've struggled with some of the same emotions. There are days when I am swimming in regret. However, I refuse to define myself and my life by this disease. I am so much more than a gambling addict and the only way I can live to my fullest potential is to put gambling behind me. Is it easy? HELL NO!

You can't undo what has been done. What you can do is to dedicate yourself to your recovery. These feelings you are having have been there all along - you've just been medicating yourself to blunt them. But facing them is part of recovery.

Keep reminding yourself that you are not a bad person - you a person with a bad problem. God loves you and you are not alone. Forgive yourself.

theneway, this site, and the wisdom I've gained through posters like yourself have been a godsend to me. Thank you! I wish I would have found it earlier and read about other peoples experimentations with controlled gambling. Not only did it not help - I became more reckless and out of control! But I keep reminding myself that it was better to bottom out completely rather than lingering a little above the bottom indefinitely.

Take care!

Dear legolady,
As newlife mentioned, forgive yourself. You are not alone.
Someone is walking this journey with you, by your side, right now, this moment.

Come as you are, that's how I want you
Come as you are, feel quite at home
Come to my heart, loved and forgiven
Come as you are, why stand alone?
No need to fear, love sets no limits
No need to fear, love never ends
Don't run away, ashamed and disheartened
Rest in my love, trust me again
I came to call sinners, not just virtuous
I came to bring peace, not to condemn
Each time you fail, to live by my promise
Why do you think I'd love you less?
Come as you are, that's how I love you
Come as you are, trust me again
Nothing can change, the love that I bear you
All will be well, just come as you are.

you are special and unique in your own way!

Love,
Victoria

Lego. I felt the same way. Very distant from God, alone and lost. So, so ashamed. Good news! It can get better, like someone said put it all into recovery. Everyday not gambling is little steps away from that crazy life. I tell you I stopped and started so many times, beat myself up so many times, we all know the routine. Once you start putting distance between you and gambling life starts to look better and normal! You can do this