Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I spent the last hour reading the previous posts from so many who have come to visit this site. I found myself reading one person's positing, although they didn't write a journal, I was able to track their postings but clicking through the view all and scanning the name. I think that's called stalking lol. To see the initial posting of pain and despair, the days they were GF and their many relapses, and then disappearing from the site, made me so grateful, and humbled and a bit of fear.
I found myself mesmerized by the stories, so many of them I could relate too, and they reminded me just how tricky my addiction is. Although I am on day 78, I also know, I am one bet away from relapsing. Relapse seems to be the most common post. Over my 10 years of gambling, the amount of times I said I wasn't going to gamble again is gross, the times I would cry, consider hurting myself, tell my family I wouldn't go again, just gross. Its amazing to me, how strong this addiction is. If I allow it, it will convince me that I'm okay and I can go again, just one more time. If I don't stay on guard, its a matter of time, I know that.
I don't want to gamble again, I pray every day, and I'm not super religious, but I pray for the strength I need to protect my recovery. Its a different type of praying, when I was gambling, I used to pray to God to let me win, and I would go home and not come back, "I swear to God." There were times I won, and times I left with my winnings, but of course I would go back and lose it all. Even when I won, I still had that disgusting feeling. Winning would be after days in the casino, and many times I thought "phew" I saved that.
My prayer today is for the strength to stay in recovery, its to thank my God for each day that I have, to be grateful for all I have, for my family, and my rising spirit, my heart is full, today. I remember one time I was in a casino and so upset that I went into the bathroom and literally tore my cross off from my neck. Not because I felt my God left me, but because I felt undeserving of his love.
So many memories, that will never go away, today, I pray, we can all stay in recovery.
xoxoxox
I found myself mesmerized by the stories, so many of them I could relate too, and they reminded me just how tricky my addiction is. Although I am on day 78, I also know, I am one bet away from relapsing. Relapse seems to be the most common post. Over my 10 years of gambling, the amount of times I said I wasn't going to gamble again is gross, the times I would cry, consider hurting myself, tell my family I wouldn't go again, just gross. Its amazing to me, how strong this addiction is. If I allow it, it will convince me that I'm okay and I can go again, just one more time. If I don't stay on guard, its a matter of time, I know that.
I don't want to gamble again, I pray every day, and I'm not super religious, but I pray for the strength I need to protect my recovery. Its a different type of praying, when I was gambling, I used to pray to God to let me win, and I would go home and not come back, "I swear to God." There were times I won, and times I left with my winnings, but of course I would go back and lose it all. Even when I won, I still had that disgusting feeling. Winning would be after days in the casino, and many times I thought "phew" I saved that.
My prayer today is for the strength to stay in recovery, its to thank my God for each day that I have, to be grateful for all I have, for my family, and my rising spirit, my heart is full, today. I remember one time I was in a casino and so upset that I went into the bathroom and literally tore my cross off from my neck. Not because I felt my God left me, but because I felt undeserving of his love.
So many memories, that will never go away, today, I pray, we can all stay in recovery.
xoxoxox
He makes things possible. He never leaves us, no matter how much we pushes Him away.
Lord, I thank you, for the many blessing, most of all is the gift of recovery. I can't thank YOU enough.
hugs.. Leapy :)
This road is a lifetime choice, He will back us up forever :) We just have to choose Him :)
Love,
Victoria
John