L, I know what you mean. Being that we have this "disease" of compulsive gambling I guess that that voice is only ever in remission., It comes back to me as well. But, so far, it hasn't won out. So I am grateful for that. Still is is stubborn and persistent. My Aunt who I am close with will most likely pass any day. We also happened to be gambling buddies. She lives about 3 hours away, but whenever she would come [for family functions and the like] we would hit the casino. She really loved to go, but I do not think she ever had a problem with it. I was at her place the other day and was talking with a good friend of hers. We were talking about their trips to the casino and how much damn fun they had. I told her, well I can't go anymore and she was like "you should go, it is just so much fun". I just told her I couldn't handle it and she shook her head sadly. L, I only bring this up because that stupid opportunistic voice, [who is ruthless], says you should do it- in Her honor -how f'ing sick is that? Anyway I will be sending you the good vibes and today WE will not go. Keep up the good fight. Love, E

L, Atticus said it well. The bottom line is you didn't go. You are to be commended for that. I can feel your anguish as I have been there many, many times. I also have sucon=mmed to it many times. I felt worse after going and blowing it all than fighting the urge. Good going L and I would like to hear that you tried a GA meeting. Just a suggestion, not being critical. Stay in touch. I care, we care. And, thank you for your response to my post. Have a better day today. Your friend, Jon

It's still chattering a little today. There's an awesome football game on tonight so I'm feeling pretty confident. I'm sorry to hear about your aunt E. The junkie voice is about as sick as it gets! It seems like there is no line it won't cross. I know it will keep getting weaker and weaker though. We just need to keep moving forward and getting farther and farther away from that place.
Jon! Not you too. I mean now I have to seriously consider GA since I know you aren't trying to talk me in to going to "save my soul".

All we gotta do is make it thru... one day at a time. Good for you 2live, you made it!
Aww. E- Im sorry about your Aunt too. I know what you mean about that voice.
Its nice Jon that you too were here to share your esh with everyone, thankyou!
I visited my Dad today.. drove over 2 hours to see him. had to pass the Hard Rock Casino, which is only a few minutes off the interstate. I went right by it... didnt really have the urge to go, and besides, I dont have the money. ( not that THAT every stopped me before, lol ). But Im back home and safe now.

Yep, one day at a time.. we get thru the bad days by remembering... those awful experiences that led us here:-)

I just care L. Whether you go or not is entirely up to you. I don't like to see you having a bad time that is all. You know we think alike. Yes there is a good game tonight and I will be watching. Also L, I was born and raised in Bellingham. Are you near there or closer to Astoria. Or maybe east of the mountains. Please don't feel any pressure of what I said it was just an option and there are many. Try yoga or meditattion' There is a good site called Silent Journey. Look it up. Anyway, enjoy the game, you will not be alone as I will be watching it as well just across the Columbia River. Your friend, Jon

L & L -this gives me so much hope that I too will succeed in shutting down "the voice". I am terribly sad right now. My sister did just come to see me at work. Aunt Arlene passed about an hour ago. It never seems quite right when you lose someone special. You know the world will never be the same again. Kind of seems like time should stop for a moment in tribute. Doesn't it? I just have to get through the next few minutes. Thanks for all your well wishes. Jon you know maybe we will meet at that parade. She was a great Niner fan as well, and, well, now she might have a little bit more pull, lol. Mudh love, atticus

E - I am so sorry to hear that your aunt passed away.. times like this make us really go back and think about past times, both good and bad. I will be thinking of you - so sorry..

L - I'm proud of you for not going! Boy - we all know the feelings; it's a tough time of year also.. but you should be very happy that you resisted the voice.. ugh; I do wish the voice would stop in all of us.

Take care,
sg

Good for you for not going! Wonderful. Keep it up and I hope that tomorrow is a much better day for you. Build upon that fact that you didn't go and when you get the urge again say, "well, I didn't go ---day and I didn't collapse, so I don't need to go today".
@Atticus--So very sorry about your Aunt. I have had so many family members pass away and I am just about to come up on my mom's bday and anniversary of her passing so this time of year is really hard for me. I cannot tell you how much I understand.

I am with you in your struggles LL2 and completely understand what your'e going through. Tagg mentioned before that this is a progressive disease and didn't just happen yesterday or today, we need to work on it every step of the way, one day at a time... Every second at at time

Best,

Firstday

E, I am so sorry to hear about ur aunt, be strong and keep up the fight. Love you ...

I really don't know what I'm going to say. My sister and cousin are just making plans to go to the casino. They want to be there at midnight for, so they will be there at 12 on 12/12/12 -I want to thank everyone for their kind words and condolences. My Aunt was a very fun, witty, wonderful woman. She did enjoy hitting the casino. I am going back and forth in my head. I know I will regret it, but should I make this a lost weekend. What if I go, and I don't make it back for a while. I so miss Resolve, DewIt and others that I know are not "out there" -Bbird and YV. The F-it voice is here...

Atticus,

Fighting the f-it voice is the hardest. It's what this addiction does - how it operates. Tells us it's okay 'just this once'.

For me, there can never be another time. If I won, I'd be going again all the time. If I lost, I'd be back at hating myself, full of anxiety, feeling like a loser, bank account overdrawn, lowest of low self-esteem.

I know it's hard when others get all excited and talk about going - my girlfriend yesterday WHO DOESN'T HAVE A PROBLEM (key phrase) talked about winning this and that in the few times she's been the past few months.

The hardest thing to accept is that WE DO HAVE A PROBLEM. We just cannot walk in and act like the rest of the normal population...

I wish you the very best. We all love and respect and admire you. And we will continue to do so, even if you go.

Love,
Paula

FD. Thanks for keeping me outta the Hellhole last night. I so appreciate it. If you hadn't of been here, who knows what would have happened. I really did want to go and had talked myself into thinking it was okay. That "what could be a better last bet day than 12/12/12." Oh my, this voice is so clever. It knows all about me, and how to push my buttons. Paula, you are 100% right on. L, I am sorry, I hope I didn't hijack your thread. I thank you for your unwavering support. Vicky, when I grow up I want to be as smart and strong as you are. L, you never said truer words! SG, thank you. It means a lot! W4L, I appreciate that, so much. And TJ, the Mount Rushmore of strength and wisdom.Tagg who truly is a Wonder Woman. Thank you to all of you..You all had a huge part in keeping me away from the belly of the beast. One day at a time. Love ~atticus