Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I have read that I will not be able to be a social gambler. I took that to heart and I stayed away.
This month it was my bday, and I thought, just for fun I would visit the casino again. I have been good, giving all my money to my husband and paying off the 20,000. dept that I racked up due to my addiction. I will add a twenty to the free money. No big deal. Yeah, right. I hit a jackpot. I actually rolled my eyes and was mad. Am I crazy? Deep with in me I knew that it was going to start the ball rolling again and it did. Where did the Jack Pot money go? Not all in one day did I give it back. I spread it around to different casinos. When that ran out, I had to get more money, because I was hooked again. It is 2 Am and I can not sleep. I remember how good it felt to sleep again, after I confessed to my husband about my addiction. Now, 6000. is what I have to figure out how to pay back in credit card dept on top of the money I am paying back.
I have watched hours of videos on gambling addiction, written my husband a email and now reaching out again to all of you.
Starting over with day one.
Jackpot leads to more pain. The more you play the more you lose, it is a fact.
The worst thing is I was earning his trust again.
Here is to day one.
This month it was my bday, and I thought, just for fun I would visit the casino again. I have been good, giving all my money to my husband and paying off the 20,000. dept that I racked up due to my addiction. I will add a twenty to the free money. No big deal. Yeah, right. I hit a jackpot. I actually rolled my eyes and was mad. Am I crazy? Deep with in me I knew that it was going to start the ball rolling again and it did. Where did the Jack Pot money go? Not all in one day did I give it back. I spread it around to different casinos. When that ran out, I had to get more money, because I was hooked again. It is 2 Am and I can not sleep. I remember how good it felt to sleep again, after I confessed to my husband about my addiction. Now, 6000. is what I have to figure out how to pay back in credit card dept on top of the money I am paying back.
I have watched hours of videos on gambling addiction, written my husband a email and now reaching out again to all of you.
Starting over with day one.
Jackpot leads to more pain. The more you play the more you lose, it is a fact.
The worst thing is I was earning his trust again.
Here is to day one.
What will you do next payday? What will you do to take care of yourself on Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Eve/Day? Why did you have a credit card? Is that a good idea?
You work and your taste of abstinence is not all gone or done in vain, you can gain resolve from this.
There must be a part of you (the gambler part probably) that still believes you can be a social gambler again. Why is it so important? What need have you not been taking care of that gambling fills? Perhaps you need a relaxing hobby, something to turn to when you want to feel like you are escaping? Art work, really helps me to fill that, even coloring in a coloring book. (They make coloring books geared for adults now.) Just a suggestion, you will need to look closely at your triggers and take a clue from your feelings about what needs to be taken care of within you.
Using the relapse as a learning tool, embrace it, find it's secrets and the truth will set you on a path to freedom.
Hugs and Prayers
After watching video of people telling their story. I realized I was still isolating myself. The depression that started me going to the casino 2 years ago is not an issue anymore. It is a whole other depression now. Yes, I think I was wading in the mire of my addiction, because I could control it. After all it sure seemed like I was.
This morning I have already Journal. I have talked to my husband about needing more road blocks put up. I cut up my bank card and will hand over credit cards.
I was feeling mad at my husband because he has so much self control. Dumb thing to be mad at person for. I felt he was baby sitting me, always asking me where I was. I think I was trying to prove to him that I was okay. I was cured. This morning I can tell him, I am not mad at him, I am mad at the addiction. He said it was the first time I had named it.
I am naming it for what it is. An addiction.
Acceptance is absolutely believing in your heart that you cannot change the past. We are all a product of our past experiences, but we have control at any given moment to choose how to think about things and to choose intentionally what our reaction is going to be.
Much of my gambling was to "not think" - I have found that exercise, hiking, coloring, photography, meditation fills this need. But if I don't recognize it when I need that, it becomes a trigger to go to the casino, because that's easier and less effort than consciously thinking about action, consequences, fulfillment, and self-care. Much the same the need for being social, that is why loneliness is trigger for many - the casino offers a sort of "ready made" quick social fix. Which we all know is like eating junk food, it is not ultimately fulfilling the need.
It is not an easy road to recovery but it is a real and better road that ultimately helps us feel better every day.
I will copy and past your words.
Thanks
A few years ago, I managed to quit for ten months. But then I started to go back -- $20 here, $50 there. I was in my first six weeks, back to going almost everyday, when I hit a drawing for $5,000 free play. I am not a slots player, I was a craps and blackjack player, but I won $3,200 on slots from the free play and it was enough to keep me reeling until June 24, 2015 -- my sobriety date from gambling.
I'm so sorry you went through this too. I don't think it was an accident I won that drawing, nor do I think it was pure serendipity that you won that jackpot either. I wouldn't doubt if casinos have "addicted gambler triggering" built into their marketing systems. But regardless, I am sharing my story because I don't want you to shame yourself. You and I were in the same boat and did the same thing. Just start over, from where you are today.