Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I want to thank you for all your advice and understanding. I banned myself for 10 years but that didn't help, Gambling has brought me to my knees this time and I am going back to a GA meeting tonight because not going didn't help and it made things worse for myself. I call it pride and and being stubborn that I could do it myself. WRONG! Its those insane thoughts that get in my head that I really have to deal with because those are the ones, that if I LET them grab a hold of me,(which I have so many times) I go and don't call anyone and once I'm in the casino, I am really insane. Conscience goes right out the window. I am no longer me even though I think I am. Does that make any sense to you. I've decided to make this my top priority. It takes everything damn it and I was the one who caused it. I'm really going to deal with this head on after 4 + years of constant relapse. I will out create it so to speak. I hope I have your blessings.
Makes sense to me. If I walk thru the door all control is lost. I'm like a woman possessed. My work ahead is in not walking thru the door.
All the best to you.... :-))
I had hit such a rude and awakening bottom that I knew that I was like an alcoholic, in terms of I was surrounded by places to gamble/get my fix. I would need to learn that gambling was not an option for me regardless if it was in front of me, if others were doing it.
I had to early on, change my FALSE beliefs: that gambling was a way to get ahead, that gambling was fun, and that gambling was a harmless escape for me. All WRONG!
It was never a way for me to get ahead, It may have been fun 40 years ago but it hasn't been for the last 15 years and it was harmful in so many ways. I not only lost money, which was considerable, I nearly committed suicide several times, and was within a hair of going to prison for my behavior associated with gambling. I also lost friends, and time with loved ones and I lost all self respect and self esteem.
I was lower than worm.
The effect of leaving the gambling place and wondering what happened, is called a brown out. Similar to an alcoholic's black out, we continue to function on an "automatic pilot" that is programmed by the slot machine designers. They had the help, by the way of many psychologists to make the bells and whistles and prizes line up in the most addictive way.
At nine plus months of abstinence, I have regained self-respect, self esteem, friendships I thought lost, health, spirituality and a love of life again. I have too much to lose now, I never want to go back to the dark, depressing, anxiety filled, self-loathing and isolated place that gambling took me to.
I stay abstinent by remembering the pain, going to a support group, noticing what I have to be grateful for, and keeping a close watch on my inner thoughts and feelings.
Glad you are still fighting - fight for your life, it is worth it!
What triggers you to go to the casino? To get that "insane" feeling, as you described it, or "insane" barrage of thoughts, what is occurring beforehand? What gets you going there? Is it an emotion, a place, an advertisement, an urge?
For me, it was stress. A feeling of overwhelm. My significant other is a lot more social than I am, and a constant barrage of social events sets me off, either to gamble beforehand to take the edge off, or after, to calm myself down and feel like I've had some enjoyment of my own. Or at work, I own my own business and unexpected requests from employees and emergent matters from clients and frequent phone calls and bills piling up on my desk and inbox tend to set me off to escape to the casino on ultra-stressful days.
I had to deal with the triggers. I had to be vulnerable and openly and honestly tell my significant other I couldn't go to every social event he wanted for me to, nor could I stay as long as he wanted me to. I had to risk looking weak and undedicated and start telling my staff I needed to take breaks during the day. I had to risk looking weird and strange and meditate, go for walks, out for lunch, and have time just to sit and breathe or read something positive rather than "hustle" all day long.
I also had to stop driving past the casino. It takes longer for me to get to certain destinations, but it is well worth it. It was too easy to pull in, risk not being caught while on self-ban, and just go for it.
I think a lot of us think that gambling addiction is an isolated addiction. But the truth of the matter is, it doesn't matter if the mechanism is gambling, alcohol, sex, shopping, or drugs. They are all a matter of dealing with life, coping with difficult and disappointing circumstances, and managing everything as best we can. It's just that this mechanism doesn't work. Addictions suck. In the case of gambling addiction, it hurts and harms us far more than it helps in the long run.
I'm day 58, and I'm doing better. But I think the turning point for me was sitting down, writing down my triggers, and finding alternatives to each and every trigger. It wasn't pretty and I made some people uncomfortable. But knowing you are worth it, knowing your self-worth as an individual, and knowing you deserve the best life you can possibly create for yourself are essential. I wish you luck, @happyhatter; write to me anytime for an ear :)