Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
It's Friday night after work and I'm typing this from my phone as I sit here at the wharf near the casino.
It's been close to 14 days since I last gambled, andpredictably, I can feel the urge creeping in. I spent the day working fairly productively, but as the end of the day nearedI started thinking about it.
It didn't help that I learnt yesterday that my mum would need laser eye surgery next week which would cost $1000. I have about $2000 in cash and now I just feel like I've lost so much progress. But I did think about how much more shit I'd be in if I was still $12000 in debt.
I left my credit card at home deliberately to avoid the consequences of how I feel now (depressed, lonely). I feel like a lion with its teeth pulled out - despite sitting outside the casino, I am not in danger to myself or my family.
Why did I come here? Maybe subconsciously I wanted to be near the casino. But it is also peaceful with no one around, just hearing the ripples of the water and staring at large commercial buildings. I have been here before and done this. It is my thinking place.
I think about the girl in the office next to me who I like so much but who doesn't like me. I think about money - I see all these bank buildings and people driving nice cars and I wonder how I can get that much money. I think about my career - recently I was overlooked for a promotion which left me angry and depressed.
As tempted as I am to try to win some money to alleviate my mums medical expenses, that thought is tempered with the thought of walking out the casino a loser. No, I don't want that.
I sometimes think about how much money I'd have now if I had never fallen prey to this addiction.
I wonder if I am ever going to get married. I want a kid so bad. Will they ever know about my illness?
I tell myself that I can gamble tomorrow - that alleviates my current urges a bit. But I know its a lie - I won't be gambling tomorrow.
I tell myself that I am now 30 and need to take my life seriously. The fun is over. I hope I can move on.
Thanks for reading my thoughts. I thought I really needed to capture ot and seize it in the moment before I lose it, so that it can be best portrayed to others.
Off to the gym I go.
It's been close to 14 days since I last gambled, andpredictably, I can feel the urge creeping in. I spent the day working fairly productively, but as the end of the day nearedI started thinking about it.
It didn't help that I learnt yesterday that my mum would need laser eye surgery next week which would cost $1000. I have about $2000 in cash and now I just feel like I've lost so much progress. But I did think about how much more shit I'd be in if I was still $12000 in debt.
I left my credit card at home deliberately to avoid the consequences of how I feel now (depressed, lonely). I feel like a lion with its teeth pulled out - despite sitting outside the casino, I am not in danger to myself or my family.
Why did I come here? Maybe subconsciously I wanted to be near the casino. But it is also peaceful with no one around, just hearing the ripples of the water and staring at large commercial buildings. I have been here before and done this. It is my thinking place.
I think about the girl in the office next to me who I like so much but who doesn't like me. I think about money - I see all these bank buildings and people driving nice cars and I wonder how I can get that much money. I think about my career - recently I was overlooked for a promotion which left me angry and depressed.
As tempted as I am to try to win some money to alleviate my mums medical expenses, that thought is tempered with the thought of walking out the casino a loser. No, I don't want that.
I sometimes think about how much money I'd have now if I had never fallen prey to this addiction.
I wonder if I am ever going to get married. I want a kid so bad. Will they ever know about my illness?
I tell myself that I can gamble tomorrow - that alleviates my current urges a bit. But I know its a lie - I won't be gambling tomorrow.
I tell myself that I am now 30 and need to take my life seriously. The fun is over. I hope I can move on.
Thanks for reading my thoughts. I thought I really needed to capture ot and seize it in the moment before I lose it, so that it can be best portrayed to others.
Off to the gym I go.
My first instinct after reading the first sentence was to hit reply immediately and say "NO, Don't GO IN!!). Instead, I employed my Evelyn Wood speed reading techniques and continued through the rest of the post! So relieved...can't even begin to tell you how much better I felt once I saw the word GYM!!!
Great job working through the urge.There's something so peaceful about that time in the morning...I call it the innocence of morning. Serenity...the sun's alarm clock goes off just about that time...it drags itself over to a power outlet, and thinks about what the day will hold and what will unfold. Partly cloudy, partly sunny, hot and humid, scattered rain showers, intense heat?
Today, its decision to set the dial for " brilliant radiance" prevails. Power begins to surge through it's mass as it's energy begins to grow strong along with it's light-it whispers " I will be constant-I will be strong-I'll share my strength for all to enjoy!"
Patience is the key for all those "will I" thoughts. If those be your goals, know that they will be achieved - always remember that happiness is not measured by WHAT we have, but by what we DO with the things that are currently in our possession.
Peace and serenity is with you-light up the sky!
Warm regards, Tagg
2,000 is a nice little cash pile and yeah keep leaving that card at home. hell 2,000 at a casino can be lost in no time and nothing for it but some really bad after thoughts. ya know ya cant double it so keep it safe where it is.
ya got some nice dreams and thoughts toey the best things in life seem to come when we aint looking for them
Thank you for writing.
Congratulations!!!!
Not only have you made a great choice by going to the gym vs the casino...you shared the trip with all of us. I love happy endings...I will admit that you had me on the edge of my seat for a bit there.
About the dreams you have for the future...when we least expect it something comes into our lives that we have been waiting for. In the meantime...we are here.
Have an awesome day...you inspired me to let go of those negative thoughts of gambling and replace them with something good for myself today.
God Bless....
Have a great weekend,
Smokeygirl
It is hard for me to do that. I had to cancel my horse racing wagering accounts because I could make a deposit at any time using a debit or credit card. Make it so convenient. You can be at the track, at home, friends house, practically anywhere with technology now.
I can also identify with the age and maturity thing. I'm 37 and living at home because I couldn't show the will power and responsibility needed to be self sufficient. Time to grow up huh? Thanks for the post. I am like Tagg. I was ready to cringe by reading the first part, but I was pleasantly surprised at the ending.
Good job and good luck. Keep coming back.
tagg - good to see your Evelyn Wood speed reading in action, wish I had it as well :)
dew - yes, best way for us is to have as little money as possible. I have my cash in an online savings account which takes a day to get to get to me if I want to transfer it out. In terms of readily available cash, I have left myself with $100 to survive until the next pay day.
linda - I know what it's like to have those urges. But I also know that we all have a 'Dr Jekyll' side to us, and the results are always good when we listen and take actions from Dr Jekyll to stop Mr Hyde :)
praying - thanks, I like to think if I've helped at least one person, then me sitting in the cold typing that out was worth it, hehe.
Jabot - it always feels better to keep the mind occupied with positive activities than the negative of trying to refrain from gambling, that's what I find anyway :)
smokey - 3 weeks is great! Keep it up!!!
Cathrynn - lol, as ironic as it seems, the casino here is called 'The Star' haha.
Bbird - good to hear you cancelled those accounts. I believe, where there's will, there's a way. There will always be a way to safeguard our cash from...us :)