Lisadawnb,

I'm glad you came back!

I'm sorry you relapsed. Most of us here know all too well what it feels like to drive home after a huge loss. It's devastating.

You both need to reach a point where you are determined to quit. Then develop a plan to deal with those times where one or both of you is feeling weak. Agree upfront how you will handle it. It may also help to put real roadblocks in your paths - make sure that one cannot get money without the other's knowledge. I don't pretend to know how you will do it, but you need to find a way. Do you have access to GA? Perhaps you both can attend together.

Please don't hesitate coming here - even if you are still gambling. We've all "been there done that" and no one will judge you.

Stay strong and keep us posted.

Welcome back, Lisa.
I can't imagine having a spouse that also is a compulsive gambler, so I won't try and tell you I know how you feel because that has to add an awful lot to the weight and draw of this damn monster.
What I can tell you is never be afraid to come back here and never give up! I can also tell you that I know you can do it- you were doing so very well for quite a long time. I say that not to throw it back on you, but to encourage you and hope that you see it is possible to get right back on the horse and start back on the path to a better way of thinking and living.
Find as much support as you can and just don't gamble for today.
Jay

relapse is a part of recovery. when a little child is learning to walk, that child stumbles sometimes, and falls, but that child gets back up, and tries to walk again, and again until he/she gets it right. that is how I see recovery. we have to try again, and again. it will happen.

God bless you for your honesty. welcome back!

So happy you posted, I was worried / wondering about you and how you were doing. There have been a lot of things I've done to try and stay or live in recovery, but I honestly can tell you, that this site, this therapy for me, this time around has made a huge difference. Just know, we may be strangers, but, we are so much a like, that in a strange way, we aren't. I get it, and so do 99.9% of the others on this site. Hang in there, I know its hard, but you got this, please take care of yourself. First and foremost, take care of yourself.

My heart hurts for you - we are all in this together. Know you are not alone. I think most of us have been where you are right now. Days like these, you have to make it "one minute at a time." I wish you all the best.............

Thank you for all your kind words. It really helps to know I'm not alone in this. I'm not stupid. I know what its like to be GF. I'd give anything to not be an addict. But I am, and I need all of you, plus I need GA. I haven't been in months. Last night I should have gone there instead of where I ended up.
Hugs Lisa

hi lisa . great to see you back! i had a pretty rough stretch myself a few weeks ago. this addiction is a s.o.b . it is relentless . after leaving the casino at 10 am from the night before after about a month binge i finally had enough . dont want to ruin this summer like so many before . i remember we both had that really nice gamble free streak going last year ... no reason we cant do it again! hope ya feel better i know how owerwhelming it can be. best wishes love and hugs. johnny

Lisa my darling. I know exactly what you are going through. I had a relapse last week two days before my son's graduation party. I cried because I too was angry at myself and felt so horrible. But I knew I had to resolve my situation myself this time and not ask for another bail out. So I didn't sleep all night. I prayed and prayed for an answer. So the next day I asked my boss for a special payroll to cash out vacation time in lieu of taking the time off next week. I hurt myself and my kids because I was going to spend time with them on my vacation. I got the money to replace what I lost during that stupid relapse which was for the party. I hope there is someone or somewhere you can also turn to that can help you to get by. My heart and prayers go out to you! I am so glad you came back and like me you will never be judge by your friends here. Big hug.... xoxoxo Chargergirl

Lisa don't beat yourself up too much.. I also had a relapse this weekend and spent my entire paycheck plus... it is a horrible predicament. After getting home Sunday morning and then sleeping for a few hours.. I called my sister up and asked her to go with me to self exclude. Over a month ago I self excluded from the closest cas.no and have not been there since. This other one was 1hr away and I've been there twice.. I was so angry and disgusted with myself that I had to use that to get something out f this last ordeal... I couldn't allow my mind to tell me to go back and lose more money. My sister was laughing at me when we drove down.. she told me next ill go to the one 1.5hours away..and was my plan to self-exclude from all of them. I told her yes... if I have to. With each relapse put more roadblocks in place until you can't think or see a cas..o from where you are.

We are here for you and don't give up!

The title of your post reminded me of this message called "Enough."

ENOUGH!

A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh,what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive,how and where you should live, and what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.

You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love.... and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms... just to make you happy. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely...

You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK.... and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch... and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve... and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time... FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful
and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God (whatever you believe him/her to be) by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

-- AUTHOR UNKNOWN
(But dearly appreciated)

Lisa, welcome back!

Hugsss...