Much better day today. Yesterday, although I worked, it was Friday, and my old way of thinking was coming out and torturing me. I did not go and gamble, I didn't do it, I stayed put. This addiction is so overwhelming, that only another compulsive gambler could understand. Its hotter than heck here, on with the AC, doing work around the house, and feeling a bit like Cinderella coming home from the ball last night, meaning, I didn't act on the thoughts of going, just for a little bit, I didn't place a bet, and today, it gives me even more hope. Day 26 getting closer to the 30 day mark, and as noted before, 30 days or more, I have gone back out, convincing myself, it would be okay, and we all now how that turns out. I think for me this time, rather than just talk the talk, I need to walk the walk. I need to get to the other side, I haven't allowed myself to do that for 10 years now. I have gone 30 days before, and then triggered something, got in my car and headed straight to the casino, without looking back. I am staying very aware this time, I am working a recovery program, at least my recovery program, and I'm reminding myself, when I get the urge, and I do, that this will pass, to feel it, work through it, and not to act on it. Its so hard, really hard, I'm not going to sugar coat it, but, for each day I get past, I feel slightly stronger. So, I am leaving the ball, with my head held high, and a slight song in my heart. I can do this, I have to do this, I want to do this, and I'm grateful you are all here with me. This is definitely a rambling post :) xoxoxo