Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
Day 8 has been very hard to get to. I have wanted to gamble non stop since the mothers day fiasco. I have been in bed crying most of the time. I just can't get up. I have been physically and mentally abused most of my life, my father my husband my children my uncle my brother my co workers. I have come to realize when I suffer an onslaught or verbally abusive attack it kind of feels like a train ran over me. I have physical pain real pain, I can't move, think, or stop crying. I go over it and over it trying to make sense of it trying to understand what I did wrong. When my husband was alive he was physically and mentally abusive, I can remember feeling like this. Like I have been body slammed by a tv wrestler. It's going to stop. I am going to pay attention to my surroundings from now on. When someone just raises their voice at me I am out of there. no expanation nothing just gone. I have let people abuse me for 57 years but it stops here. If that means I don't see my grand kids well so sad because they are my life but I will live with that over any more abuse. I will no longer listen to the lies people tell me about myself. I am starting intensive addiction therapy at my counselors office. 10 hours a week, plus a support group plus GA. I will get through this . Today I will not gamble. I am in so much financial trouble, well I am a few months behind on everything. If a big if I don't gamble again it should work itself out in a few months with some frugal living and a little bit of sacrifice. I am not in actual debt just behind on bills. I know it could be a lot worse. I am so thankful that I did not gamble these last few days when the urge was so strong.
I have chosen not to allow abusive people in my life. We teach people how to treat us and in some ways, allowing abuse is being complicit and helping them to abuse us.
The first step is making that boundary, the second is sticking to your boundary. Sounds like you've got those two.
Now, time to quit getting upset about other people's behavior when they are not even there to make you miserable. By crying and being depressed about abuse that is in the past you are making your present miserable. You are giving your power up and standing in for your abusers who is not there. If you can enjoy each moment of silence as a victory of abuse, a joyous occasion, that will be the best for you ultimately. Alone time can be "me" time - practice self-care, counseling is a great start.
" I will no longer listen to the lies people tell me about myself." I learned in GA that what other people think about me is none of my business. This attitude helped me get over being a people pleaser and just focus on my own mental health. I give to others when I have the energy and the whim. (Not on demand by demanding people.)
You can get through this, one day at a time.