Glad to see you posting today. Keep on posting. I am learning that relapse is part of our recovery. We learn a lot about ourselves when we relapse. We also learn about what parts of our program are not working very well. If you can learn from the relapse then you will be ahead. Try not to beat yourself up too much and continue to work the step.

Katmandu has a great point. Failure in my life is what has brought about changes for me. I don't change anything if everything is comfortable. And if I pick up an addiction or go back to an old one can numb myself to any discomfort and spiral more and more out of touch with myself and the people and world around me. I can become more and more isolated if I do not stay aware of my inner thoughts and feelings. It does not work well in isolation, it works when you have others to talk to about feelings and struggles.

The opposite of addiction is connection. Connection to the world around us, our communities, our families and our friends. It needs to be honest and authentic and we need to invest energy in those we love and the world around us to become an active member of society.

You can do this, the important part is NOT giving up and keep on slogging along. Day one is the most important day, it is the day we decide to do something different.

You know what, I guess I am disconnected with people. I am a loner. I want to be alone. I don't want trouble , i like peace . Which i do Not get iny family. People's drama drains and frustrates me, makes me want to run away. If I had plenty of money. I think I would run away. Go to a quiet place. Stress is causing major heart issues, son issues, mental issues,gambling problems , I'm just not happy at all and haven't been in years. And I can not let this gambling and misery in my life continue to do the damage anymore. I'm on a road that needs to be changed. Has to...

We have to learn to make healthy relationships that are kind and supportive. Sometimes some of us will not get that from our families. (The kindness and support.) It has taken me most of sixty years to start sorting out the unkind and unsupportive. It can be done.

I think I understand what you mean about wanting to be alone and peaceful. Running away to gamble was my escape. For a long time I thought gambling provided me comfort and relief from anxiety, but now when I look at it honestly, I see that it was only adding to my stress and robbing me of true peace of mind. For me, working on deepening my spiritual life and taking better care of myself physically have been crucial in learning to live realistically with the normal stresses and anxieties of life without gambling. It's a daily process, and sometimes it's a struggle, but I believe it's worth it. I hope you will stay with it!