I can so relate to this - going back in and losing it all! Only I gambled alone. So glad you found your way back here. Please take off your shoes, grab a blanket and a cup of cocoa and stay a while.

Welcome back, you know it can be better. You have been to a better place in your life, not all that long ago. Time to get back at it!!

Thank you. New55. I want it so badly this time. I just want to be GF again and stay that way!

Yes, you want it because you felt it before.
Nine months wow,
I am in awe.
Read the posts since you've been gone.
we have been putting so much good stuff
about quitting and planning for the relapse and
how to stay "quitted" (sorry couldn't resist) and
how to keep the money UNavailable and how to fill
the void of not gambling and just what is that void
and howcome our brain can't be controlled and is
my brain ever going to let me be and and and

You know what you did and how
and you can probably figure out how and why
and what prompted you to go back.
Did you have money?
Did you go near a casino?
Did you think for one little moment that you could gamble like a normal person?

Start a new
and make the new committment and
put the new hinderances in place
and start counting the new days
and go to GA and here and read and
post and and and

This addiction / illness is like forever, okay
you will always want to bet want to feel the rush
want to escape some feeling want to escape all
feelings so you must make gambling absolutely
UNAVAILABLE to you through NO money and no
time and no no no.
Good Luck
Keep coming,
I relapsed and I made changes in my game plan
and I am right back at it,
Not many succeed the first true committment to quit,
it takes perseverance and patience and the
true and utter committment to not want to throw your
life away.
After all money is how we maintain a life and a lifestyle.
What else are you doing but throwing your life out the window?

ps,
can you believe it?

lisadawnb,
can you please tell me,
when you went back out
was it even worse than before?
I've heard that it can be even more
devestating and I've noticed that drug
addicts can literally kill themselves after
a long abstinence.
I know that I relapsed but I didn't have much cash
available I just was wondering for the future.
Please take all of this with the utmost sincere and
deepest level of appreciation and intent to help.
the very best of luck,
please keep right here
and you will do it better this time.

welcome back. I came back a few weeks ago, after loosing my mind for over a year. and everyone welcomed me with open arms(posts) and no judgement. keep posting. sounds like you feel off the horse for a minute or two. climb back on, and lets continue this road to recovery together. tell me how you remained gamble-free for 9 months. tell me. please.

Thenewway... Thank you for your advice. I really needed to hear it! Yes it is WAY worse when I went back. I just had my bills caught up and had money for a minute. My husband likes to gamble and that makes things so much worse. He doesn't get the addiction part for me.
Stopat56... I took it second by second each day. I self banned at first. I literally would sit and play games on my phone for hours at a time. My friends at GA said it was ok because it kept me from gambling.
I read a lot of inspirational books, I fished, took walks. I had withdrawls so bad for awhile that I would be very restless and shaky, but I pulled thru. I want to feel that way again. The feeling of being proud of myself.
Hugs Lisa

Welcome back. Lisa, you know us gamblers, sometimes it takes hard proof to make us realize that nothing in the gambling world has changed, we are still addicts and the house still wins. So now you know and the business end of quitting is on your mind. I get the feeling you aren't messing around with gambling anymore, so kick it to the curb and use all tools available to keep it there. You go girl!

I bought a book called Taking Back Your Life and in one section it talks about writing a goodbye letter to gambling. One woman's letter is in the book and takes up 4 pages. Starts out by saying "Goodbye to the excitement of jumping in the car to head to the casino at 10 or 11 at night" and "Goodbye to anxiously hurring in from the parking lot, money in had, hearing the casino noise, finding my favorit machine empty, and suddenly relaxing...I'm home," goes all the way through "Goodbye winning big, then putting it all back, then withdrawing even more money," then Goodbye to telling myself all the way home I'll never go back, Goodbye to where can I borrow from to cover my losses, Goodbye to opening the cupboard to see what I'll be able to eat for the next 10 days until I get paid," then finally..."goodbye to my pride that told me I could handle this on my own." It then starts the "Hello to getting throught the first 2 weeks, Hello to -in spite of all of that- gambling onw more time. And losing. And another one more time. An yet another. Hello to paying of loans, Hello to quitting gambling now not later when I've lost my car, my house, my family, Hello to not working overtime to supposedly pay debts, but in reality using it to gamble more, Hello to living everyday without the crushing burden of this secret," and finally, ending with "Hello to a little bit of hope that with a lot of help I can get through today without gambling." Reading that letter helps me stay focused and not want to feel those feelings again.

It may help you to write your own letter like this and read it everytime you get the urge.

The two things I'll have in my letter is "Goodbye to the walk of shame from the casino to my car" and "Hello again to my husband who, knowing everything I've done, still loves me"

Good luck, don't stop trying.

Dear cloris,
just so profound and so right on..............

"sometimes it takes hard proof to make us realize that nothing in the gambling world has changed, we are still addicts and the house still wins."

yes, the hard proof of the bank statement and when relapsing the hardest proof yet.


Dear Grandmato3,
yes,

I am not married but I hear it so often here that upon telling someones spouse they remain and are helpful and understanding......
wow,
that is so cool, so amazing and just what an addict needs.