Hello Again Everyone. Just felt the need to write and check back in here. I still get on here 3-4 times a week. Reading the posts, re-reading my posts, etc. Has been awhile since I posted. Mainly shame and guilt I must admit. But I have to let that go. I have made progress over the past 3 months. I put many roadblocks in place. The most effective has been cutting off the access to any considerable amount of money.Counseling and meetings also have helped me to clear my mind and understand myself much better. However, I have to admit I have visited the casino several times in the past month. Playing comps and of course some of the money I do have access to. I have found the amount really isn't mattering anymore. Even losing forty dollars makes me start having those awful feelings that overwhelmed me when I first came to this site. Don't want to be back where I was three months ago. Of course still working on debts from my gambling but we are making it. I know I will never be a person who can gamble for fun. Just like an alcoholic cannot be a social drinker. I hate this disease and the control it take from me. It's pulled me back a few times now and I know what lies ahead if I continue to tempt myself. What is done is done. Can't change that. But I know I can make a difference for the future. I just want you all to know how much I appreciate the shared stories. I feel the pain that many others write about. I also feel the hope of the many that have gotten their lives in control. More than anything I am thankful that I can come here and write about my own struggle and not have to be worried about being judged or condemned for my set-backs. Again, thank you!!!!