Lisa... I feel like I know exactly what you are going through. Healing from this addiction is a process. I picture it as a winding road with a bunch of detours. I wish I could just go from point A to Point B and be done with it, but I don't think it works that way very often. We have successes and then failures, never quit. As long as you are trying, you haven't failed. It is not hopeless.

I read something recently by Frieda Kahlo.... where she is writing a letter to Diego Rivera and she says:

I am love, I am pleasure, I am essence, I'm an idiot, I'm an alcoholic, I'm tenacious, I am; simply I am.

I can relate to this. I'm flawed. I'm an addict. But.... I am so much more than that. You are too. You are not your debt.....

I don't answer the phone when bill collectors call. I'm very close to getting my bankruptcy filed and look forward to the day when I don't cringe when the phone rings or panic when someone pulls up into my rural driveway. I think I have aged 20 years just from the stress of the last few.

Hugs to you and know that you have a friend on this journey.

the stress from the financial mess we've made sometimes drives us right back to the insanity.

may I suggest you list the bills/companies out.

call them one by one and make a plan to pay back whatever you can whenever you can.

I paid one loan company back $35.00 at a time. they were not happy, but the took those smaller payments. I concentrated on house, and utilities, and gas for my car. then, if/when there was something left, the loan companies got a little.

each of our situations are different, and I'm not trying to make light of yours. I promise. just offering some suggestions to help take some of the stress off of you. if my bills had been large enough for bankruptcy, I would have filed it with a smile.

we're pulling for you.

Lisa doll I feel your pain. Your post is as if I wrote it myself. I get calls all the time from bill collectors. When I answer the phone I tell them that I do not want to be contacted by telephone anymore. I also tell them I want all further communication directed by mail. I ask for their address so I can send them a follow up written letter stating what I told them over the phone. They will always try to bully me and tell me they have a right to call me but then I tell them that according to the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act Section 805 (1) (c) I have rights protected by the FTC and will file a complaint if necessary (it doesn't cost anything to file a complaint). At least they know I am serious when i tell them this information. I may be a compulsive gamblers but I am not stupid. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a fighter always trying to defend issues. I am an intelligent woman suffering from a gambling addiction. But I will not let this addiction define who I am today. "THIS FINANCIAL MESS SHALL PASS" xoxoxo Chargergirl

Lisa, Stopat56, charger,
Thank you for your words of wisdom. I really appreciate you all.
I know things will get better financially, but I know it will take a lot of time and beating back the wolves. Do you think there's anything you can put in place to prevent them from calling your references? That's really humiliating! I haven't gambled in 5 days and I'm on the way to a better way of living.
Love you all
Lisa

Lisa,
This is just my opinion based on my experience. It may or may not work in your situation depending on the type of debts you have.

1. You need take a deep breath and take a honest inventory on all of your finances.
2. Prioritize your spending; your living expenses comes first. And pay your debt in order you feel that is priority or what your collectors are willing to take based on your ability.
3. Remember to negotiate with collector as to what you can afford and when.
4. Make a decision to wether or not you are able to continue paying your debts. You may have to choose a bankruptcy if you have no other options.
5. While you are deciding, tell the collector to" stop calling" (don't say anything else) and they must stop calling by the law. You may want to write a cease and desist letter to the company if you want them to completely stop collection activities. They still can go legal route to sue you depending on the amount you owe them and the nature of loans or credits. This is to buy you more time while you are trying to figure out what actions you will need to take without being constantly harassed by the collectors.

I do not recomend any borrowing at this time. In my experience borrowing of any kind did not work for me.
I know it's devastating period but if you do the leg work it requires, it will slowly get better.

My theory on this is, when you are devastated by money, you need completely distance yourself from it. If it mkes any sense. Its the only way you can find the most effective and intelligent solution to the problem.

I hope this helps little and as hard as it is, relax and take a deep breath.trust me, money is the least worry, when you look back from the other side of this journey.

You are going to be ok, alrighty?

Love,
Victoria