Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
I've been in a serious funk lately. That seems to be what my life is about... being in a funk. It's strange because I always imagined myself a positive person. BUT then I look back over some journal entries I wrote 7 years ago (before I started gambling) and I talk about how sad I am. The truth may be that I've always acted positive but felt sad. I became such an expert at acting positive that I even fooled myself sometimes. I created an image for the world to see (and like) and then got lost in that image.
While facing the demon that is addiction, I made a conscious decision to pay close attention to my feelings. I made a decision to not hide my feelings. I decided to allow myself to feel my feelings instead of run from them. I've had to learn to accept myself as an addict, someone that is hurting, someone that needs help.... that was not what I portrayed or even believed about myself so doing this was a major life change for me.
So here I am, sad.... When I was gambling, there was an excuse for every single negative feeling that I had - gambling. I didn't have to face anything else because gambling was such a huge problem that nothing else mattered.
It's kind of like being fat and losing a bunch of weight. You think that it will just make your life happy. You have blamed that fat for all of your unhappiness. Then it turns out that the fat was just one part of your unhappiness and although being skinny rocks, it doesn't make you happy.
Recovery, for me, is peeling away the layers of unhappiness and healing them. I have a lot of layers! It's a lot of work. It's okay that I'm sad. I don't have to buck up. I can appreciate everything that I have in my life and I can find comfort in things while I heal. I am not wallowing in my sorrows. I am not a negative person. As long as I am taking steps to heal my life, then I am moving in a positive direction.
While facing the demon that is addiction, I made a conscious decision to pay close attention to my feelings. I made a decision to not hide my feelings. I decided to allow myself to feel my feelings instead of run from them. I've had to learn to accept myself as an addict, someone that is hurting, someone that needs help.... that was not what I portrayed or even believed about myself so doing this was a major life change for me.
So here I am, sad.... When I was gambling, there was an excuse for every single negative feeling that I had - gambling. I didn't have to face anything else because gambling was such a huge problem that nothing else mattered.
It's kind of like being fat and losing a bunch of weight. You think that it will just make your life happy. You have blamed that fat for all of your unhappiness. Then it turns out that the fat was just one part of your unhappiness and although being skinny rocks, it doesn't make you happy.
Recovery, for me, is peeling away the layers of unhappiness and healing them. I have a lot of layers! It's a lot of work. It's okay that I'm sad. I don't have to buck up. I can appreciate everything that I have in my life and I can find comfort in things while I heal. I am not wallowing in my sorrows. I am not a negative person. As long as I am taking steps to heal my life, then I am moving in a positive direction.
I too like tennisjon am a recovered alcoholic and learned many years ago that the booze was just a symptom of underlying problems. I always blamed the booze for my problems when in all reality it was ME who was the problem and I merely used the booze to cover/hide those problems.
Hence Im doing/ or rather did the same thing with gambling. I have many character defects.. (which can cause me to be sad and be in that 'funk' that you are talking about). When I get down to the root of the problems... cause and effect, then Im able to work on those and heal... I get better/healthy.
For me, and I can really only refer to myself... if Im in a funk, or sad or upset or angry/mad, I know why.. I may not want to admit why, or work on the problem, but deep down inside of me, I know what the problem is. The secret and answer is to work on the solution to the problem.
I think you are getting there, to a very good point of understanding yourself first of all. I agree with you.
I would listen to some stories, how people unhappy and crying, can't build anything in their life, just because there are too overweight, or their nose too big, or their breast too small, or they not making enough money, etc. It would turn me off from beginning from this kind of stories and people, because no amount of support in this world would help that person, until they decide to accept themselves in this world.
I am beautiful, I am perfect! And it is not stuck up statement, it is a statement of Accepting who you are and how much you value yourself in connection with the rest of the world.
Yesterday I went to my GA meeting and it was Marylin Lancelot's 23 years GF B-Day. Lots of people! We all talked about how Marylin touched our lives in GA. I shared also, at first I didn't understand why this 82 year old woman (BTW she looks awesome and I would never give her more than 68) tells me over and over again: Let us love you until you love yourself! I was concentrated on my urges and financial problems.. only few weeks later it came to me, she just trying to tell me - I don't love myself right now.. But I deserve love!
Also she was a reason, why I came back to GA after 8 months of being MIA. I felt physically, she is just waiting for me and she misses me there in that room. And it was true!
I don't like hypocrites, show offs, in front of the group, who would go above and beyond to build a respectful impression, but would never have time to talk to you or accept your call. I went to lots of GA meetings, did a lot of searching and I found love to myself in my Friday night women only meeting!
Remember you own words, Lisa - Urge is not going to kill me, but if I act on it...
Love you, Vicky
Is it 32 years of Abstinence or Recovery? There is a big difference...
Vicky.