get back up and get on track again, this disease is insidious....we'll make it out of this one day

could have been any of us. caught of guard and under the right (or wrong) set of circumstances. don't let this relapse diminish all you've accomplished w/ your clean time. you've made some very important and positive changes w/ the quit.
what I can learn from this --
out of town - can be a dangerous time -- off schedule, no one at home to report to, more able to be anonymous and not accountable, not excluded there....... for me I need accountability w/ humans who know where I'm going and can be accountable to them w /calls and check ins

having finances back on track - can lead to forgetting the "pain" of the financial destruction. can make me feel like I am healthy, whole, back in "control". this is a fallacy and the financial destruction of the past needs to be a reminder IN FRONT of me.

it can happen - it just is there. it may always be there for me. sometimes a breeze, just a thought, sometimes a whisper, sometimes a scream in my ear.

lately I have REALLY been called to go out. I've been trying to assess why -- and I can see things in my life needing the work for health and sanity --- but this pull is STRONG. so don't think you are alone.

I really didn't want to re set my date w/ ga group and friends. and I know the winning gig is up. I don't even want to go to "win" I just miss the entire escape. the ease of it. the environment. the oasis (not true) from reality.

and this too, is total bs. because I am compulsive -- even the little bit of going will progress into going weekly, then quickly wanting it all the time.

I didn't go. but one day at a time.

please do treat yourself w/ care and w/concern. I know you don't want this to slide into years of self abuse. you are worth a life well lived.

It’s a slippery slope that starts with one bet. I know it well. Too well. I’ll never understand my self-defeating behavior when it comes to gambling, but I know I can’t win. It’s not about winning for me, it’s about losing. I won’t stop playing until I have to. I know this about myself because it’s happened to me so many times I’ve lost count. But today I haven’t lost cost of my clean time away from my addiction, almost eight months. That’s huge for me! And as the saying goes “if I can do this, so can anybody”. Try again, I am are here for you and grateful to be so.
Today I will not gamble

Saw the square one and a song by Tom Petty came to mind...We have all been to square one many many times. kind of like monopoly all we need to do is to land on chance and then it can be "don't pass go, don't collect $200 go directly to jail (dungeon)" ....Think you have made the right decision getting back into a support environment. I don't personally know you but we all have been there done that...Some times the circles make you dizzy but close your eyes stand still and know....Today is the first day of the rest of my life (free from gambling)

Had to find some higher ground,
Had some fear to get around
You can't say what you don't know,
Later on won't work no more

Last time through I hid my tracks
So well, I could not get back
Yeah my way was hard to find,
Can't sell yourself a piece of mind

Square one, my slate is clear
Rest your head on me my dear
It took a world of trouble,
Took a world of tears
It took a long time to get back here

Tried so hard to stand alone,
Struggled to see past my nose
Always had more dogs than bones,
I could never wear those clothes

It's a dark victory,
You won and you also lost
Told us you were satisfied,
But it never came across

Square one, my slate is clear
Rest your head on me my dear
It took a world of trouble,
Took a world of tears
It took a long time to get back here

Square one, my slate is clear
Rest your head on me my dear
It took a world of trouble,
Took a world of tears
It took a long time to get back here

Square one, my slate is clear
Rest your head on me my dear
It took a world of trouble,
Took a world of tears
It took a long time to get back here

Thank you all for your support. This site helped me rebuild myself and I shall succeed again. I walke out feeling like crap. Kinda felt like crap going in but I didn’t have the strength and will power to walk right out. I didn’t want to win...I wanted to play and chase the imposible. Gosh I didn’t miss feeling the way I do right now. I want to cry, I feel sick to my stomach and I feel extremely guilty. Thank you for your support. Day 1 of no bets.

Square one is not so bad considering the other alternatives.

Get back on it,one day at a time only way to go!! GA is always there and has been a huge help for myself

Your post is a good reminder for us all. I am sure that there are days when some of us may forget those “sick to our stomach” feelings of shame and regret that had once been a daily part of our existence. Yes, you hit a bump in your road to freedom, but it’s just Day 1 (well hopefully Day 2 or 3 when you read this) from that road bump! You are not really “starting all over,” because you have already traveled a long way! So, remember to still count in all of those other hard-earned days if recovery! They don’t disappear because you made a poor decision. You recognized that you don’t want to live that way, again, and you had quite a sting. Perhaps it was best for it to happen as it did because had you walked out with full pockets, you might have started believing you could control your compulsion and set yourself up for a much worse fall.

Sometimes, our trigges can com from dwelling too long on the pain we feel and the desire to try to reverse it by winning back our losses, so don’t beat up on yourself too much. It happened, you are done with it, you’ll learn from it and put a smile back on your face because you are a winner, already! You have proven that you can turn your life around and your slip up was just what it was. You’ll pay off that credit card and move on. The purse will have to wait for a bit, though, right? Cheer up, now! You need to stay strong mentally so you can continue to enjoy the life you had to rebuild for yourself. You are really not back in Square One, I don’t think. You just stepped into it for a bit. All of those months that you advanced still do count!

Your post resonates with me , its like I would write it myself, everything, credit cards, months clean and then business trip to Las Vegas even the purse aspect, wow!
I remember it was the first day of my 3 day convention trip, walking by the Louis Vuitton store I saw this purse in the window display, asked how much it was and was thinking that I could buy it, I had enough money on me, but then the beast on my shoulder whispered to my ear: " don't buy it, you won't have money to gamble" ....Few hours later I had no money and no purse, gambled it and of course lost it all.
I knew I needed money for three days, for business and for food and I just couldn't stop.
It happened couple of years ago but still I remember every moment of this sick feeling. No more!
Tomorrow I will have three weeks clean and I will fight for my life and I will succeed this time, join me.

there is no shame in starting over again...it only proves you have the power to stop.

dont give in and dont let the monster take over

No shame in starting over, I love the way that sounds. I never want to give up hope on myself. I’ve had so many stops & starts when it comes to my abstinence from gambling, it shames me to think about all of them. Stops to face reality and starts to escape reality. What a wicked addiction gambling is!
Today I will not gamble

I am not ashamed at all over the times I returned to gambling. It was very simple for me as I was not ready to quit even though I knew for years I was compulsive and hooked. The difference is now I am ready to quit,still compulsive,but not hooked because I am not in action. Will be 3 years Dec 4 but still just one bet away and no different than someone with 1 day clean.