My addiction started out of depression. I ran to the trap to self sooth. It was fun at first, but latter became my hell hole. You would think a place that is so awful to me would be a place I would not want to go. Nope. I was stuck in a circle of insanity. Many time on the way home I would tell myself that was the last time. I would be awake all night hating myself, only to drive back in a few days. I would tell myself, "Today was the day, and I needed to do something for me."
Feb 12 was the last day I placed a bit. For Valentines day I gave my husband the gift of me self-banning. We did this together.
The biggest thing that I gained was my self respect and his trust again.
After trying on my own, I can say, "I wish I had self banned a year ago." What I have learned is there are so many people that are stuck in this awful addiction and now I can feel the pain with them.
We live, we learn.
Glad you are taking steps towards a happy life. It will be hard, but it will be worth it. Kick this addiction out of your life.

@HopeOpera --

You're really smart for acknowledging that you run to gambling to "numb out" and escape. I didn't know that about myself when I self-banned eight months ago, but I have found that the urge still becomes almost unbearable when faced with stressors, especially unforeseen or particularly difficult circumstances.

I can't speak for everyone, but I'll speak based on my own experiences.

Some of this does get easier. You'll find new habits to replace going to the casino. Some of the ones that worked for me were self-banning, exercise, meditating, affirmations, visualizations, dream boards, reading, seeing a therapist one-on-one, shopping on a budget, redecorating my place, playing non-gambling games like Plants vs. Zombies, and filling my time with meet ups with non-gambling friends and appointments like fitness classes or seeing a nutritionist.

Some of the things you will try will not work for you, in that you might not find them relaxing, soothing, or enjoyable. Don't be discouraged -- just keep trying other things. For me, the techniques that didn't work were attending GA meetings (I am introverted and could never get myself even to go through the door), cleaning (I hate cleaning and that would drive me to want to gamble), tapering off gambling (it was all or nothing for me), and seeing a spiritual advisor (didn't work for me).

And I'll tell you what I wish someone had told me: Some of this just doesn't plain get any easier. I had surgery two weeks ago and the urges were almost unbearable. I wanted to go before the surgery as my "anti-anxiety" therapy and after the surgery as my escape. I didn't end up going, but I'm not going to lie to you and say that extreme stressors don't still set me off, eight months later. I spent considerable time last week looking for casinos outside of my state, watching gambling videos, and daydreaming about going to a casino two hours away. This forum, my therapist, and my husband saved me.

It's a hell. It's not for the weak. You must be brave and courageous and check into a strength you never knew you had. You must learn how to watch yourself and simultaneously not to judge yourself. But, like Winston Churchill said, "When going through hell, keep going." The only way out of this is through.

My compulsive gambling got to the point that it seems like everything was a trigger. Good thing, bad thing, boredom, depression, grief, celebration, too much money, too little money, hunger, anger, lonely, tired, etc, etc. No matter what path I was on it led to gambling. I did not think I could quit at one point.
I had to do everything I could every day to NOT gamble. Like Nancy I had to get 1x1 counseling/therapy and go to support group and use many many tools. It would have taken me forever on my own to gain the tools that GA, therapy, D/S and my face to face support group have given me.
Artwork (any kind - even coloring) and exercise seemed to help me with urges and anxiety in the early days.

Thank you all so much and all the input is so very needed right now. I'm dreading walking into this GA meeting tonight because it is at a church and I am a non believer since childhood (incest survivor and don't believe a "true god" would put any child through that) So I'm hoping to make it through the door and continue on this damn journey out of this hell. The longest I've gone over the past 2 years is 2 weeks without and for right now i'm going hour to hour. I have started painting which I agree is a great outlet but the stress'ers are still around every corner every minute waiting to rear their ugly head and I truly hope this time, February 27th 2016 was my last day of gambling ever. I know that I am the only one that can do this and I am grateful for all of you on this site that have helped me though other hurdles in the past in other groups. Thank you again and later tonight or tomorrow I will check back and let you know if GA was a right fit for me.
Thanks again for all the tips and I will reread them each and every time I'm feeling weak and know that I am never alone.

HopeOpera, I so hope that you find some help and support at the GA group. Your feelings about the meeting being at a church are completely understandable considering the awful things you went through as a child. And there's no doubt that that terrible experience informs your gambling one way or another. My own experience is that GA groups vary widely. If one doesn't work for you, another might. And if another doesn't, there are a number of supports you could try. I hope you will give yourself the gift of a good therapist if any of the options you try don't work out. You've been through a lot. Try to be as good to yourself as possible.

Thanks so much and I will keep in mind when I go tonight that much like therapists and shoes it often takes several tries to find the perfect fit.

look up joyce meyer, she'll help you w/your past and future, she went thru it.

Well I went and I believe I will return...to the meetings, not the casino. Of course someone at the meeting pointed out that my start day will mean that my 1 year anniversary will actually be in four years when leap year returns :) just my luck!
Wanted to thank you all for your encouraging words and I like this format on daily strength much better because it isn't so formal and I don't have to hold hands at the end of talking to any of you :)
Thanks again for everything today, 2 days down and hopefully many more to come.

I do not regularly attend GA, I apply 12 step principles to my life and use it as a tool for my recovery. I go to GA or AA if I am out of my home town and need a meeting. Even though I am not an alcoholic an AA meeting works just as well for my purposes. That purpose being, to do something other than gamble.
I attend a weekly face to face support group of women who have gone to treatment for compulsive gambling and are in recovery. We only occasionally hug each other at the end and it is by choice, not forced. I too am not religious, for similar reasons as yours, but I do feel a spiritual connection to something bigger than me, I think of my higher power more as the universe. (All I really need to know about a higher power is I am not it.)
I cannot say enough about the value of a group of same sex people with the same addiction working toward recovery. In the beginning I made myself go to group but now I run to group. I can rely on this group to have my best interests at heart, to tell me when my thinking is twisted and to warn me when I go into dangerous waters. My best spurts of internal growth don't happen in isolation but in community.

Quit4good ....Oh wow that is good...."my best spurts of internal growth dont happen in isolation but in community". That was the first thing I did wrong. I isolated myself.

Qwit4good thanks so much for the perspective and you are correct that this was a women's only group and just the fact that I had to face someone made me feel like taking more ownership of my issues and also knowing that there are no enablers around that table like my husband is a huge relief. My story like everyone's is long and hard but they've all been there and their input was good but also realistic. I am thinking of finding another meeting today just to have some comparison but also to keep myself on the right track because today is my 3rd day and I have no idea what God made on the 3rd day but for me I always make a run to the casino by the 3rd :(