Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as few people described by the term experience true compulsions in the clinical sense of the word. Problem gambling often is defined by whether harm is experienced by the gambler or others rather...
So, I was thinking last night, in my recovery, I keep thinking, I'm going to "get back" to the person I was, so many moons ago, and then it hit me. I don't think so, its been so long since I was that person, that in my recovery, I believe there is another part of me that will come out. Someone told me last night that they noticed I'm more "real" meaning, I am not holding back, they said even when I seemed okay, I didn't come across as my "real" self. Hard to explain, but I think its true.
I have been so busy raising my daughter alone, working super hard, almost too much, concentrating on family members that needed my help, and running to the casino over the last 10 years, that quite frankly, I have no clue who I am. I feel who I am, I have this mind that tells me I'm younger than I am, I feel younger than I am, but, I have a heart full of adventure.
I woke up at the crack of dawn this morning, not because I'm just walking in the door from going out for a card game on a Friday night, but because I went for a walk last night with my dogs, and fell asleep early. I have been sleeping so much better, my head hits the pillow and my thoughts are not of my regrets for going out. I called those days or nights my emotional hangovers, I would wake up with tears streaming down my face, and fear. I would have to go back out and try to win my money back, of course in the end, it was no longer about money, I knew there was no way I would ever get all the thousands and thousands back.
This morning, I got to wake up, and there were no tears streaming down my face, there was a house full of dogs that needed to go out, coffee and thoughts of all the things I get to do today, what a gift.
Be real, be true, and never forget where I come from, that is who I am. Life is an adventure, I plan on doing it, one day at a time, in recovery.
hugs
I have been so busy raising my daughter alone, working super hard, almost too much, concentrating on family members that needed my help, and running to the casino over the last 10 years, that quite frankly, I have no clue who I am. I feel who I am, I have this mind that tells me I'm younger than I am, I feel younger than I am, but, I have a heart full of adventure.
I woke up at the crack of dawn this morning, not because I'm just walking in the door from going out for a card game on a Friday night, but because I went for a walk last night with my dogs, and fell asleep early. I have been sleeping so much better, my head hits the pillow and my thoughts are not of my regrets for going out. I called those days or nights my emotional hangovers, I would wake up with tears streaming down my face, and fear. I would have to go back out and try to win my money back, of course in the end, it was no longer about money, I knew there was no way I would ever get all the thousands and thousands back.
This morning, I got to wake up, and there were no tears streaming down my face, there was a house full of dogs that needed to go out, coffee and thoughts of all the things I get to do today, what a gift.
Be real, be true, and never forget where I come from, that is who I am. Life is an adventure, I plan on doing it, one day at a time, in recovery.
hugs
so true, we discover our new self in this journey. Better then who we were. I said it in one of my jounal that I did not get back who I was before gambling. Who I was before gambling led me to be an addict of gambling. Good person in me then was not good enough, strong enough or wise enough. And gambling put a halt in my growth as a person i wanted to be emotionally, psycalogically and mentally.
It is a strangely revolutionary lifting of ourselves when we fianally realize how much we have grown and change by walking this journey.
You are so much better today in everyway because of this experience. It's the "new me!" We have to live with now and I will take this "new me" all day long! :)
After all, we are exactly where we should be at the right place and time. To gain what I've gained, I embrace everything it happened, the good, bad and ugly.
where would I be today? if I didn't hit that bottom of the bottom?
I am so happy for you to found that peace and sharing this journey with you! Enjoy the ride, more to come!
Love,
Victoria
Hugs & Love to you Leap! You are an inspriration to all!
Cher
Words could never ring more true! Recovering from this debilitating illness is a lesson in discovering a new us! Many of us long to return to our "old self", but when you think about it, much of our "old self" is what led us into the dark abyss of this addiction.
I'm liking the "new self" that is emerging as a result of 25 months of clawing my way out of the dark hole.
Keep enjoying the journey...and warmly embrace the new You!
Be well, stay strong.
Tagg
PS. Big hug to all, especially Cherbear...good to see you here!
I think with the gambling and for so long
we forget who the real person is
and also just how wonderful life without
gambling really was.
It takes time for the goodness
of living without addiction to come back
and so a lot of time and events and stressful
sitautions have occured and so we are changed;
quite a lot, but for the better
and hopefully for life, for a life without gambling.
You are showing the progress and the work
and the necessary introspection that I believe it
takes to achieve abstinence,
so helpful to us all on this journey of recovery from
addiction.
THANK you so much.