I came here broken, sick and desperate. I was so in debt I was about to lose everything. Compelled, almost propelled to go to the casino every single Friday and lose hundreds a week, thousands a month. Feeling hungover (even though I wasn't drinking)and taking to my bed all day Saturday. Frantically trying to cover losses with payday loans and loans from friends and family. Pawning everything I could possibly pawn. Thinking about gambling, or scrambling to figure out how to cover bills 7 days a week. My 2-3 hours per week at the casino would result in hundreds of hours that week of anxiety, guilt, stress, panic attacks and distraction. I was a mess, physically, emotionally and financially.
Now, 3 years later, which seems both like like a blink of an eye and a lifetime ago, life is completely different! Wonderfully, energetically, positively different. Those dark days seem like a distant memory, yet come roaring back in vivid detail every time I re-read my old posts or journal entries. I am so glad to have had those accounts to refer to whenever a friend casually remarks that they were planning a casino night and would I like to come? I can just as casually respond "No thanks! I don't gamble. But whenever you have other plans, let me know!"
That's me now. I don't gamble. I'm not a gambler. I'm a very happy, busy, social woman who no longer lies to her family and is compelled to ruin her life anticipating the thunk or ding of the third bonus symbol to rush endorphins to my brain like a lab animal.
This site, and the people on it were instrumental, no, CRITICAL in my recovery.
For a long time I needed to focus on NOT thinking about gambling, moving forward as a non-gambler, and felt so guilty about not paying forward enough on this site, this life-saving site. So I'm back, and hopefully can be a resource for anyone else who is traveling this road to recovery. Because I can assure you, once you get out of the dark woods, there is a wonderful journey!