Congratulations on 120 days! I have learned the hard way that no matter what else is happening - or not happening - in my life, I have to put my recovery first. When I first got stopped, I really expected that everything from that point on would be great, and it wasn't. I still had Illness, depression, frustration at work, family drama and more coming at me all the time, and I had to learn how to deal with those things without gambling. Not fun, but so worth it. I hope things get better for you, healing57 and that you will be kind to yourself and take pride in the progress you've made.

Well done healing! 120 days! So sorry you have been sick and still battling it. But count your blessings, you are alive! You could be sick AND STILL gambling - it can almost always be worse than the situation you are in.
The root of all of past addictions lie in my desire to avoid feeling, to be oblivious, and not have any feelings. Emotionally shut down - zombie like - feeding my addiction - that was the picture by the time I decided to get stopped. Forcing myself to be acutely aware of my thoughts, actions and attitudes, feeling my feelings, deciding to be honest with myself, doing the next right thing, is what keeps me from slipping back to oblivion. Now, I don't think feelings are so bad, in fact, the best thing about them is they pass.
No, quitting my addiction does not magically make life easier but it does make it fuller, more colorful, and allows me to see opportunities and abundance when I only saw roadblocks and scarcity when I was gambling compulsively. Today I will not gamble.

Congrats on 120 gamble free! Sorry to hear about the health issues. One day at a time as they say.
I am almost at one month GF. I think about past mistakes and I just have to let go. I do have friends that are still gambling and I have told them my struggles and that I dont have it in me to go to the casinos and have a good time.
So far, life has been calmer, focusing in on things that matter and bring me joy, bored to tears at times but I'm trying to see life as it should be. No longer feeling like a "fight or flight" response. This is HUGE for me.

healing57 - hi, I was so happy to read you made it to the 120 day mark, keep going. How strange that I came to our site this morning wanting to write about the fact that I am sick. I am. Being sick can sure effect my outlook on life. I was in bed all day yesterday. Fever and chills. I probably have strep throat, two of my granddaughters are just getting over it. I feel funny writing about this, Yet compelled to because I can understand how my emotional defenses are down even today. I’m on Enbrel for rheumatoid arthritis, it’s meant to lower my white count, so my immune system is lower. Ok, two weeks ago when my grand babies were diagnosed with strep throat is when I should have been tested. But no. I should know better. My daughter told be adults usually don’t get it, she was tested and didn’t have it. Hey, I’m an adult I thought, yeah, on meds that lower my immune system, plus I’m 63. I was relying on my magical way of thinking, I know I was. It sounds stupid now that I’m writing about it. I’m going to the doctors today. About time, huh?
So, enough about myself. healing57, you’ve been sick for so long, not the way to lose weight, but I’m sure you already know that. I hope the dr’s can figure out what’s wrong with you. Don’t even worry about your job, you can’t go to work sick, focus on getting better. As far as your recovery goes, I really understand how much harder the abstinence is to get the second time around, you would think it should be easier, but not with this addiction. That’s why we can’t gamble, we lose all control, we never get better at it, it just gets the better of us. No more going backwards, so what if we didn’t succeed the first time (or 1-10000 time), today I know gambling hurts me in every way possible. No more going backwards, I have proven to myself I cannot gamble, and I can live with that realization. Gratefully. Thanks for the post. Please let us know when you’re feeling better.
sparrow23 - almost at one month, keep going, it gets better. I’m glad you’re able to tell your friends about your struggles, that’s a healthy decision. Wow, do I ever understand that “fight or flight” response, so I understand how not feeling that way is HUGE for you. Now one day at a time time. We’re all here for you.

Thank you Robin-MC, that means a lot to me. I come here for inspiration and hearing the struggles, hardships, and the victories of this disease. It sure helps to hear how several of the members accomplish their goals. For me it was using my money monthly "first" as paying off my bills. Having a plan keeps me in check constantly. I keep close watch of finances. Before I was in fantasy land about everything in my life, whether it be making it big and paying off everything plus.....only to see it withering away and not wanting to even look at my finances and staying hidden for days. I just know that I am responsible for me and if I want to destroy my life, I will keep up this facade.
I choose to enjoy my life, my family and friends! I choose not to gamble!

Thanks everyone Feeling better today have eaten yesterday and today and kept it down. Saw my grand kids for the first time in a month which was great. Tomorrow I get my 120 day chip at Celebrate Recovery. Am finally out of bed for the first time since Jan 14th , besides going to and from the hospital twice and doctors. Anyway I thankfully am on the mend.

Glad to hear that you are healing. Eating and keeping food down is a good sign. I remember being very sick in my first few months of abstinence, pretty much bed ridden and having an urge to gamble. I was living out of town and I could barely make it to the. bathroom let alone drive into town, it was an impossibility but my addicts' mind in its magical thinking, was planning how to gamble. I remember laughing and realizing that I could do anything or nothing as long as I did not gamble (or watch others gamble) and the urge to gamble would pass.

So glad your on the mend healing57 .....its no fun being sick. I posted here not long ago myself .... I was depressed and sick too .....and just rambled on ....thank you to those who listened. Some days you just need to post and led it out..... and hope that someone somewhere is listening and knows how you feel. Congrats on 120 days ...your doing awesome !!!