11/22/17 was the day I got my life back. I am a few months behind on my bills however I am calm, because I know now I can dig myself out of debt and not into it. Last Friday was the first Friday i can remeber in some time in which, my paycheck was mine. What a great feeling. Although I owed every dollar, it was still mine, and the casino didnt and couldnt get to it first. Now i am looking forward to Fridays, getting my pay and coming out of debt. Treating myself to something small like starbucks once in a while.
In 12 days, I find myself focused more than usal. In 12 days, I seem to be laughing more than usal, doing a few things around the house, over all having a life. When I talk to my family member who gambles, I have other conversation and if gambling comes up, I change the subject becasue i dont want to hear who won what at the casino. I work a part time job and i am looking forward to that paycheck to be mine as well. I still have to pay my bills, but not having money after all the bills are paid is a much greater feeling that not having money after you left it in th casino. Its a much happier feeling.
In the 12 days I get the urge and laugh to myself becasue I self excluded, and no I wouldnt risk arrest. I dont believe my mugshot would be flattering. lol. Arrest scares me more the finaicial ruins that gambling has gotten me into, thats why self excluison was best for me. When my over due bills come or I get that call, I want to run down and hope to hit big, knowing I would put it all back in plus. But day by day, my urges will pass gradually. I will stay strong and I will not gamble today.
12 days and counting,
I’m new here. I could use some friends. I’m making a mess of my life. I want to stop gambling. I feel so desperate. I almost wish this sick feeling of guilt would last all the time because it seems to be the only time I’m confident I won’t gamble that day.
I have been trying to get on a good streak of recovery for a while. Years. Done 40 days without shoplifting. I drink too much some weeks too. I might hit 30 units a week.My psychiatrst/Doctor have given me two pieces of advice.One tell my wife Im still shopliftingTwo-give up the boozeI have diasgreed with both pieces for various reasons. If I told my wife -she would lie awake at night. I dont...