11/22/17 was the day I got my life back. I am a few months behind on my bills however I am calm, because I know now I can dig myself out of debt and not into it. Last Friday was the first Friday i can remeber in some time in which, my paycheck was mine. What a great feeling. Although I owed every dollar, it was still mine, and the casino didnt and couldnt get to it first. Now i am looking forward to Fridays, getting my pay and coming out of debt. Treating myself to something small like starbucks once in a while.
In 12 days, I find myself focused more than usal. In 12 days, I seem to be laughing more than usal, doing a few things around the house, over all having a life. When I talk to my family member who gambles, I have other conversation and if gambling comes up, I change the subject becasue i dont want to hear who won what at the casino. I work a part time job and i am looking forward to that paycheck to be mine as well. I still have to pay my bills, but not having money after all the bills are paid is a much greater feeling that not having money after you left it in th casino. Its a much happier feeling.
In the 12 days I get the urge and laugh to myself becasue I self excluded, and no I wouldnt risk arrest. I dont believe my mugshot would be flattering. lol. Arrest scares me more the finaicial ruins that gambling has gotten me into, thats why self excluison was best for me. When my over due bills come or I get that call, I want to run down and hope to hit big, knowing I would put it all back in plus. But day by day, my urges will pass gradually. I will stay strong and I will not gamble today.
12 days and counting,
This time of year can be "slippery" for me. I'm starting to feel vulnerable because of the strong feelings and memories, both joyful and sad, that always come up around the holidays, not to mention the extra stress from the out-of-control consumerism, unrealistic expectations, crowds, traffic, etc all around me as the season ramps up. I'm posting to remind myself to breathe and remember that...
I am feeling sorry for myself tonight. Yes, i went on a bender at the casino and lost our last $200. I am 43 and have no money. I have two kids, who have tons of stuff, nice clothes, don't need for anything. I just hate that it's another Christmas that i don't think I'll bother with a tree as i can't afford it and there is nothing to put under it. My husband has had a trucker license the last...