Foster Care Support Group
Foster care is a system by which a certified, stand-in parent(s) cares for minor children or young peoples who have been removed from their birth parents or other custodial adults by state authority. Responsibility for the young person is assumed by the relevant governmental authority and a placement with another family found.
I'm not sure this is really the right place for me to do this. But it's the only place I could find.
In the past we have been a Kinship Home. My older sister was in to crack and her girls were both molested numerous times, raped, starved, and in the end abandoned. We were called in the middle of the night for immediate placement. I was 21, my SO 22, and the niece we got was 11. So as you can imagine my life was flipped upside down over night. The next year was the most challenging and rewarding year.
Fast forward 7 years. Same sister. Now her boyfriend is in trouble. He can't pee clean and CPS tells him if he has somewhere to surrender his kid too then they won't take him. Once again comes that phone call. This time though it wasn't done through CPS per se so I don't have a TGO or anything. Basically it's like he is visiting.
He is four years old. When I took my niece I had no kids and I ended up dropping out of college because her needs took up too much time and I figured school could wait. Now I have a five year old daughter.
I am slowly finding things out and I find myself getting angrier and angrier at his dad any my sister (who is his only mother model). When this little boy, who is so clammed up, terrified, and beaten down, plays with his toys one dinosaur will yell to another that he hates it, he want's it dead!
Today my daughter was playing soccer and after the game she kicked the ball to him to kick back and he goes "stop it, what are you, an idiot???". So we stopped everything and I got down on my knees and told him that we don't talk to people like that. I explained that please stop or please don't is the proper response and that we will never speak to him like that.
But we have no idea how long he is with us. And we have no rights to keep his "parental" figures away from him. Today was a good day. He ate breakfast, lunch and a full orange for snack. Food is a HUGE issue with him. And then we were out eating supper and his dad showed up to visit. Immediately he stopped eating and hunched in to himself. He didn't want his dad to leave but he didn't want him there either. And we learned the first go round that a child will love a parent regardless. But it was a brutal supper. The little boy wouldn't talk, eat, he was close to tears, and his dad was busy commiserating on his life and sniping at his son to eat. He was eating fine before then.
And my sister! She is a monster. She never should of been a parent in the first place and now she is acting as a step parent. I lost it on her (not in front of him, I know better) and she threatened to call CPS and have him removed. And they totally could. Because we are not blood related to him. If CPS was to apprehend him they would find family to place him with, not us.
I'm just getting angry the more I learn about why he is the way he is. I've never met a more helpless little boy. Nor a boy more terrified of trying in case he messes up and get's in trouble.
In the past we have been a Kinship Home. My older sister was in to crack and her girls were both molested numerous times, raped, starved, and in the end abandoned. We were called in the middle of the night for immediate placement. I was 21, my SO 22, and the niece we got was 11. So as you can imagine my life was flipped upside down over night. The next year was the most challenging and rewarding year.
Fast forward 7 years. Same sister. Now her boyfriend is in trouble. He can't pee clean and CPS tells him if he has somewhere to surrender his kid too then they won't take him. Once again comes that phone call. This time though it wasn't done through CPS per se so I don't have a TGO or anything. Basically it's like he is visiting.
He is four years old. When I took my niece I had no kids and I ended up dropping out of college because her needs took up too much time and I figured school could wait. Now I have a five year old daughter.
I am slowly finding things out and I find myself getting angrier and angrier at his dad any my sister (who is his only mother model). When this little boy, who is so clammed up, terrified, and beaten down, plays with his toys one dinosaur will yell to another that he hates it, he want's it dead!
Today my daughter was playing soccer and after the game she kicked the ball to him to kick back and he goes "stop it, what are you, an idiot???". So we stopped everything and I got down on my knees and told him that we don't talk to people like that. I explained that please stop or please don't is the proper response and that we will never speak to him like that.
But we have no idea how long he is with us. And we have no rights to keep his "parental" figures away from him. Today was a good day. He ate breakfast, lunch and a full orange for snack. Food is a HUGE issue with him. And then we were out eating supper and his dad showed up to visit. Immediately he stopped eating and hunched in to himself. He didn't want his dad to leave but he didn't want him there either. And we learned the first go round that a child will love a parent regardless. But it was a brutal supper. The little boy wouldn't talk, eat, he was close to tears, and his dad was busy commiserating on his life and sniping at his son to eat. He was eating fine before then.
And my sister! She is a monster. She never should of been a parent in the first place and now she is acting as a step parent. I lost it on her (not in front of him, I know better) and she threatened to call CPS and have him removed. And they totally could. Because we are not blood related to him. If CPS was to apprehend him they would find family to place him with, not us.
I'm just getting angry the more I learn about why he is the way he is. I've never met a more helpless little boy. Nor a boy more terrified of trying in case he messes up and get's in trouble.
I just want to say that taking in your niece was a great thing for you to do. Because of you and your wife, this child has a place she can call home and will have a change of a normal life. Regarding this young boy, maybe you should call CPS and have them file a petition so that he can have a secure placement, whether with family or a foster home. He obviously needs counseling and stability. You have no legal authority at this point, and this child needs some permanency. Don't feel bad about it, you are doing the right thing for this little boy.
I honestly don't want to see him placed with his family. We have known the family since I was born and I know that the family is messed up in so many ways, most of which will be damaging to a child.
But due to severe shortage of foster homes if I was to get CPS to take him that is exactly where he would go. They would have no where else to put him.
I want to talk to his worker about counselling anyways. She is meant to be phoning me in the next couple days to introduce herself and what not. The hardest thing for me is getting him there. I run an inhome daycare. Meaning I also have several other kids I look after in my home for 12 hours a day. I can't take time off every week to take him. But I'm sure I could get a family member to help me out if need be.
I don't have any legal authority. It's brutal. But to me it was better then the Big Green House. It's basically our only foster option in this city and it's a group home with a horrible reputation, or his grandparents who are alcoholics with violent tendencies.
I am having a helluva time 'co parenting'. I told them that while he stays with me he goes by my rules as I won't have different rules for him and my daughter. They didn't like that. And then they brought him clothes at surrender date. More clothes a few days later, and toys. No sandals. It's summer. So we picked him up some cheap $8 sandals at Walmart. Then they lost it on me because he already had sandals. Ok, well not at my house. And he has two pairs now. Whoop dee doo. It's been reaching levels of 23C, so yea, I need sandals at my house and I'm not going to hunt them down every time I need something for him. I'm just going to get it.