Foster Care Support Group
Foster care is a system by which a certified, stand-in parent(s) cares for minor children or young peoples who have been removed from their birth parents or other custodial adults by state authority. Responsibility for the young person is assumed by the relevant governmental authority and a placement with another family found.
When we took FS in to our home almost six months ago we knew he was delayed. We knew he had a few issues.
It has come to light that a few issues where actually a LOT of issues. He is seeing a behavioural therapist, occupational therapist, physical therapist, speech therapist and soon a play therapist.
I am not giving up on him. By any means. But I find that every now and then I get angry, at everything in general, that all of this was ignored for so long that it now rests on my shoulders to try to fix it. I get mad that I never knew any of this and now it feels overwhelming at times to deal with it. I know it's normal to feel like you are drowning every now and then with a special needs child.
As well, I feel cruel most of the time. Due to his issues he is often on time outs, losing priveleges, early to bed.....and our bio daughter gets none of that as she is an incredibly well behaved and intellectually advanced little girl. Deep down I know that sending him to bed at 7pm is for his benefit, he needs a strict sleep schedule, but then I feel cruel as my own daughter can stay up until 9pm on weekends and 8pm on weekdays with no issue the next day. I know that he needs a severe sugar regulation, and we do our best to keep our daughter on the same level so that it is fair, but sometimes she will get that bit of candy and he will get apple sauce. I also feel bad because he hits, kicks, bites, spits, screams.....all things that result in time outs and such. My daughter does none of those so she does not get time outs. Save for the odd one or two here or there through out the year. And then I feel bad inside like I am picking on him.
We can't get him to turn off a light or flush a toilet. We have tried everything. Now we are taking toys away every time he leaves his light on...so daily. As reccomended by his behavioural therapist. But I feel cruel all over again. I have a heap of his toys taken away, and he has few, but none of my daughters in the pile as she turns lights off. We had him clean the toilet in his washroom hoping that cleaning that grossness would help....and nope. So he can only use the washroom on the main floor so I can moniter flushing, not the one right beside his room that is more or less his washroom. And then I feel bad all over again.
I'm trying to find a class or course that the community or our Mental Health centre may offer to try to teach myself coping methods for bad days with FS. But until I can it feels like I'm blindly trudging along doing more punishing then rewarding. And yes, he does get rewarded for positive things too.
It has come to light that a few issues where actually a LOT of issues. He is seeing a behavioural therapist, occupational therapist, physical therapist, speech therapist and soon a play therapist.
I am not giving up on him. By any means. But I find that every now and then I get angry, at everything in general, that all of this was ignored for so long that it now rests on my shoulders to try to fix it. I get mad that I never knew any of this and now it feels overwhelming at times to deal with it. I know it's normal to feel like you are drowning every now and then with a special needs child.
As well, I feel cruel most of the time. Due to his issues he is often on time outs, losing priveleges, early to bed.....and our bio daughter gets none of that as she is an incredibly well behaved and intellectually advanced little girl. Deep down I know that sending him to bed at 7pm is for his benefit, he needs a strict sleep schedule, but then I feel cruel as my own daughter can stay up until 9pm on weekends and 8pm on weekdays with no issue the next day. I know that he needs a severe sugar regulation, and we do our best to keep our daughter on the same level so that it is fair, but sometimes she will get that bit of candy and he will get apple sauce. I also feel bad because he hits, kicks, bites, spits, screams.....all things that result in time outs and such. My daughter does none of those so she does not get time outs. Save for the odd one or two here or there through out the year. And then I feel bad inside like I am picking on him.
We can't get him to turn off a light or flush a toilet. We have tried everything. Now we are taking toys away every time he leaves his light on...so daily. As reccomended by his behavioural therapist. But I feel cruel all over again. I have a heap of his toys taken away, and he has few, but none of my daughters in the pile as she turns lights off. We had him clean the toilet in his washroom hoping that cleaning that grossness would help....and nope. So he can only use the washroom on the main floor so I can moniter flushing, not the one right beside his room that is more or less his washroom. And then I feel bad all over again.
I'm trying to find a class or course that the community or our Mental Health centre may offer to try to teach myself coping methods for bad days with FS. But until I can it feels like I'm blindly trudging along doing more punishing then rewarding. And yes, he does get rewarded for positive things too.
I've taken a ton of parenting courses over the years. I've actually been a foster parent for about 8 years but we took a break when our daughter was born. I also run a day home so I take courses to help me with my business.
I think the main reason it is so over whelming right now is that it WAS getting better. And then his bio dad started calling to talk to him from jail. Two months of no contact with his bio dad and we saw real improvement. And then two weeks since the phone calls started and every last thing has been undone. So it feels like I am starting all over again.
Plus, because I run my own business, I can't take days off whenever I feel like it. My business would tank. And it feels like I am always booking days off and rescheduling appointments to cram eight in a day if I can. I can't afford to lose my only source of income so while I stress about helping our FS I also stress about keeping my own venture afloat and paying bills. It all just adds up I think.
I will for sure check out your blog. Thanks!
I did talk to his dad tonight. Told him FS was grounded to his room til supper because he spit on a boy on the bus. Frankly I was so mad I sent him there for myself as much as him. And even though he was upset he understands that he can't call as much. We are going to do Monday, Wednesday and Fridays right now.