Food Addiction Support Group
An individual suffering from a food addiction disorder frequently experiences episodes of uncontrolled eating, or binging, during which they may feel frenzied or out of control. They will eat much more quickly than is normal, and continue to eat even past the point of being uncomfortably full. Binging in this way is generally followed by a period of intense guilt feelings...
I won't leave the house if I eat too much cause I feel bigger and sluggish the next day. I am afraid that ppl will look at me or that I won't fit into my clothes and don't feel comfortable within myself. UNLESS I work out, then I can go out no problem and face the world. Today unless I get to work out, I wont be able to go outside. Right now I have my son all the time. He is a toddler and until he naps I wont be able to work out in the gararge. I do have a gym membership, but I don't drive and I have to pay 20 bucks to travel there and today I would only be able to get there for an hr or less so its not worth my while. Trying to save money for moving etc.
If I didn't binge last night then I would have been ok, but since I ate bran muffin mix. Yes I know its NASTY.. why or why must have been the sugar. Plus other shit steak, rice puffs, cereal, but mostly a bunch of muffin mix. I felt bloated and fat and didn't even sleep well, kept getting up cause I was sooo full and nasty... I don't know why I do this to myself. I lost 60 pounds and I feel I am gonna put it back on or well some of it. not the full 60 I would die.
I stille need to loose another 25lbs or so that I would be comfortable. I am just going on and on. I wish I could work out right. Worst part is after eating all that shit then I have no energy cause if it. Gotta push yourself harder cause of it.
If I didn't binge last night then I would have been ok, but since I ate bran muffin mix. Yes I know its NASTY.. why or why must have been the sugar. Plus other shit steak, rice puffs, cereal, but mostly a bunch of muffin mix. I felt bloated and fat and didn't even sleep well, kept getting up cause I was sooo full and nasty... I don't know why I do this to myself. I lost 60 pounds and I feel I am gonna put it back on or well some of it. not the full 60 I would die.
I stille need to loose another 25lbs or so that I would be comfortable. I am just going on and on. I wish I could work out right. Worst part is after eating all that shit then I have no energy cause if it. Gotta push yourself harder cause of it.
It sounds like you think about food quite a bit during the day, then you eat it, then you feel like crap after you eat it - but, you eat it anyway. The "but, you eat it anyway" part is the part where you need to do some soul-searching. I, too, feel very self-conscious about my weight when I'm in public. I KNOW I look like crap, with hips the size of a small country. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to matter when I'm dying for love, comfort, understanding, a hug, etc. All that seems to matter in the heat of the moment is that meal of crispy tacos, rice and beans sitting in front of me.
I'm also a little confused about your feeling that you can't go outside unless you work out. If you feel like people are "looking at you", (I'm assuming you think it's because of your weight), they're not going to know if you worked out on any given day or not, so you've stumped me with that one.
Everyone who has lost a considerable amount of weight worries about regaining it. Plus, I think it's more difficult than people realize to adjust to the "new person" when you've lost a lot of weight. Several years ago, I lost 105 lbs in 18 months on Weight Watchers. Sometimes I would see myself in a mirror and not recognize me, which was unsettling.
I think you have a lot of soul-searching you need to do, hon. There's are old saying that if you didn't have time to do something the first time, how are you going to have time to do it over? If you didn't "push yourself" enough to not eat what you wish you hadn't eaten, how are you going to push yourself even harder? That's one of the (million) things that makes food addictions so tricky to deal with.
It's not about "pushing ourselves", because healthy relationships with food don't require this grit your teeth, I GOTTA do this existance. Healthy relationships with food are calm and pretty much effortless. Healthy relationships with food have very little to do with (satisfying) emotions, but, rather, just provide fuel for the body. THAT'S the holy grail we who look at a plate of food and have an orgasm seek to find.
I believe all the answers to all of our questions are within us. We just have to search until we find them, and remember to love ourselves along the way.