It's hard to not feel very comfortable with ourselves. I suffer from anxiety too. My weight gain is getting really bad and I feel like nobody really understands. It's good to read your post. You're not alone.

I have read many posts on here tonight which really helped me feel like I'm not alone, and there are so many going through the same thing. Thank you for reaching out.

You are not alone. This is what it means to be human - to be a bot mess, to fail, to disappoint.....and to pick ourselves up and try again.

Now, how can we help you break the pattern? How can we help you not binge this evening? Let's think through what your day holds, and figure out a plan. If evening is your danger time, what can you change to make it less of a problem?

Describe, if you want, what will happen tonight if you just let things play out the way they have been. If you're willing to do that, maybe we can find a way to alter the course of things.

Most of my days are the same...I get up, send my son off to school and begin home schooling our grand-daughter who lives with us...she will be going back to school the end of this month..but for now, home-schooling it is. Normally I teach her all day until around 3:30 when my son gets home from school and my husband gets home from work. Today I have a house cleaning job right after lunch. I take her with me and she does some independent work while I clean. We get home about the same time as the guys. Everyone is starving when they get home so we usually have early dinners around 4:30 or 5. Then into the living room to watch T.V. My husband usually falls asleep on one couch by 9, and since we don't have dish at the moment so I can DVR, I am stuck staying up until 11 most nights so I can watch my shows on our antenna T.V. We are really broke right now, just moved into a new house but haven't sold the old one yet so paying for two places on one income...tough. That's why we don't have dish, and silly as it sounds, I think that is part of the problem. Every time I see a food commercial, it is a trigger. Whenever my husband grabs an evening snack, it is a trigger. When I'm tired...which I have been...because I am staying up past 10 (yes...I need my sleep!) I eat. I have tried doing other things like writing, crocheting, etc. to distract myself from eating, but that doesn't seem to be very effective. A couple years ago I was pre-diabetic. I actually changed my diet, was doing really well...went to the doctors and was no longer pre-diabetic, and now...a hot mess! This past year has been super stressful, we remodeled the new house, moved, got married, went down to one income due to the home-schooling...which there were many reasons for :(...etc. I feel so guilty.

Hugs, hugs.........husband asleep on the couch and nearly broke - that's the story of my life!

And I'm triggered by commercials too. Or even, silly as this sounds, the funny pages. Seriously. There's a bookcase in our bathroom with collections of some of my favorite comics. i pick the books up at yard sales. Calvin and Hobbes, Doonesbury, Bloom County or any of the other Berkely Breathed strips......and it took me years to realize that i'd stop in for a pee and idly grab a book and read a few pages, and immediately head for food, because someone in those strips would be holding a cup of coffee (Calvin's parents especially) and that would set me off! How weird is that?

So, you've described things perfectly. Let's figure out how to sabotage the Food Monster just for tonight. First, think about this. If you were sailing across the ocean with a compass as a guide and you were off by one one-hundredth of a degree, you'd end up at a different place then you intended, right? So, we don't have to make a huge change, we just need to reset your course slightly, interrupt the usual momentum, to get you to a slightly different place.

And honey? The guilt's got to go. It is doing you no good. Replace that with "I am doing the best I can in a challenging situation. As I learn to do better, I will make changes, but right this minute, this is what I can do, and that's okay." because that's true. You're educating a child and cleaning houses and worried about money and struggling with blood sugar and you've had other life changes.............you're a superhero. You shouldn't feel guilt, you should feel proud that you get up every day and keep fighting.

Now. let's brainstorm and find that one change that will turn just this one night around.

Here's some ideas to start. Maybe one will click with you.

You're eating early, and then you give into snacking later. Can you plan a healthy, protein-rich snack at around 8 to head off the Hunger Beast later? Split your dinner in half and eat half with the family, because that's important, and half later?

Crocheting is good, anything that keeps your hands busy............are you crocheting with a goal in mind, is there a specific project with a deadline that can motivate you to do more of that tonight? Are you good at it? Can you do something that might sell on Etsy and bring in some extra income? I've got a friend who crochets themed hoods, she can crank one out in two hours and she sells them for $60 on Etsy. I think they're hideous but what do I know? People eat this stuff up apparently. Maybe you could take some time tonight to do a search for crocheted novelty things and you'll find one that fits your skill set and your yarn stash, and you can earn a little extra money from it. It's early November so you'd have to work fast, but I bet you could sell some stuff for Christmas if you got on it.

Your TV shows are important to you because that's your rest time and part of your self-care. Is there a way to watch them through your computer? It's probably a dumb question, I don't know a lot about recording shows to watch later, we don't have a DVR or anything, just three channels here with bad reception. But if there's an alternative and you can figure out how to watch earlier in the evening, or at another time of the day, that might help.

Commercials. What can you do during the commercials? Can you make up a list of exercises that last 60 seconds - walk up and down one flights of stairs, or dos ome stretches - and give yourself a gold star for every one you get done? just something to change that habit of getting up to eat.

A friend of mine cleans her kitchen right after dinner and says it stops her from eating at night because she doesn't want to make another mess once it's clean. My kitchen's never clean, ever, so I can't relate to that but I thought I'd throw it out there.

Anyone you can call to talk to, someone who might distract you, even if they don't know why? Maybe reach out to a relative or friend you've lost touch with, call and see how they're doing? It might distract you for a bit this evening.

What would you eat if you gave in? Can you move it out of sight? Can it go in the freezer? Can you prepare something like carrots or celery to crunch on that's a better choice? Can you make sure you're well hydrated so you don't confuse thirst for hunger?

And just out of curiosity, when you changed your diet and it helped you, did you cut out simple carbs? If that helped you, can you take some time tonight to look through the freezer and pantry and see what you can plan to eat in the next few days that's more along those lines?

Do you want to write back and forth tonight? I can start a thread called "getting through tonight" and i can check in every fifteen minutes or so and hold your hand through the computer - seriously. I bet some other people would help out too. Then if things start going all to hell, you can holler for help and we'll try to get you through the next couple of minutes. Because these cravings and feelings do pass, when you learn how to fight them. They really do.

okay, that's enough for starters - I never run out of ideas, but let's just think about those for a minute.

Thank you for caring and being so supportive! So, I went to my cleaning job and had to leave and come home to lay down...I didn't tell you I also have endometriosis and need to have a historectomy but keep putting it off to take care of everyone and everything else...and waiting to be added to hubby's health insurance. ..so, once a month I am in so much pain I can.barely walk...and it hits me fast and hard like today...fine one minute and not the next...so tonight will be even worse :( I am going to try and do some reading and go to bed early tonight...and I may even ask my husband to fix dinner...gasp...lol. I want you to know how much I appreciate all your ideas, advice, and input. I already feel so much better knowing I'm not alone...someone actually cares. and understands. Thank you.

Oh, that's an extra horrible challenge to deal with, especially when you're waiting for insurance. Take good care of yourself, do the things that help, and get to bed early - that sounds like the best choice you can possibly make tonight.

Tonight I am finally feeling like I can get a handle on this...I am focusing on one choice at a time...just ate sweet potato nachos...a healthy version...and feel very full and satisfied. ...hopefully tonight will go smoothly. ...I am going to write on here when I get the desire to eat tonight.

I did it! No binging tonight...heading to bed now

Oh, good! Normally I check often,what with, you know, having no actual social life, but last night I got caught up in a good book and didn't check in. I'm glad you had a good evening! Now, figure out what elements made it good, and which of those elements you can recreate or mimic. Make sure you eat deliberately and mindfully during the day, so you're not setting yourself up for a collapse in the evening.

And horrible as this sounds, recognize ahead of time that there will be a point where you will make bad choices, and you'll feel bad about it - but that's okay. Every time you can control this for a stretch of time, you get stronger. And after all, we have to eat, it's not like alcohol or drugs where you literally can shut them out of your life forever. We have to deal with this at least three times a day.

What you're doing now is learning that you DO have the power to make good decisions, and to keep from binging. The trick now will be increasing the time between 'oops' moments. And it's important to do this without piling more guilt on yourself. From what I can tell, totally normal people have the occasional 'binge' moment, it's just way smaller than mine were, and far less often. So it's crucial to separate that in your head even at the start: food is not bad. Abusing it is the issue here. And the elements of the abuse that we're focusing on changing are the extremity of it (i.e. the whole bag) and the frequency (every day or several times a day or whatever).

Katie, thank you so much...I feel really good this morning. ...your advice and this site are really what got me through it. I ate a protein filled snack around 6:30 pm and actually felt.full....and during commercials I picked up my phone...ready to post on here if necessary. ...just knowing I have support and a place to vent honestly is making all the difference.

So far so good tonight...am feeling the urge more though

Oh, I hope you got through okay. I fell asleep early. I can't deal with the clocks changing. I'm sorry I missed talking to you last night.

It's Monday, a fresh start! What small changes can you make this week? Nothing overwhelming, just think of two or three things that you can do to change the trajectory a bit. Choose things that you can sustain. Choose things that are possible to achieve - this is not the time to aim super high.

I've reached a point where I've divided the mess that is my life into a number of categories, and I make one small positive change in each every week, something that I try to sustain going forward, It's a lot of work, but, that's what I signed up for, you know? The thing is, though, don't start with a huge list. Start with a few small things. If I had tried, when I started healing, to work as hard at it as I do now, I think I would have given up. Baby steps at first.

If you can target why it is that you overeat (and there will be multiple answers, it's never just one thing), then perhaps you can choose to do something that will address that problem. If you binge when you're lonely, figure out a plan for that. that's one of the things I'm adding starting this week, actually - since my work schedule is flexible and lighter in Nov-Feb, I'm going to find one different person and meet for coffee every week. I'm drinking coffee black now, and I will let me friend know ahead of time that I'm not going to eat but I don't mind if they do. I just want good coffee and conversation.

You might binge eat when you're stressed, and some exercise will help, or more fresh air, or closing yourself in a closet and screaming. i've done those. I've also pushed away a craving by writing "I am stronger than this" over and over on a piece of paper while I wait for it to pass, but my arthritic hand cramped up so that didn't end too well. But you get the drift.

Your bingeing might happen because you confuse thirst for hunger, or because you get so physically tired (I see that being a potential factor for you, with all the things you have on your plate right now).

You might binge because of a long-ago trauma or disappointment or abuse of some kind, and there may be big things you need to address before you can fully heal, and that can scare the shit out most of us. If that's the case for you, or possibly the case, you might want to start by writing about it privately, and burning the paper afterward - just a way to begin to get it out. Later, you might decide that you'd benefit from therapy or counselling and you can look into options, but you don't have to take such a big step right away. Just sort of pick at the edges of it and see if there's anything there that you'll want to look at more closely later.

And if it's too overwhelming to start working on why you abuse food, that's okay too - just think of a few small steps to take this week that will steer you in the right direction. I think my first week of recovery I tried to drink one glass of water a day (instead of nothing but diet soda and coffee loaded with cream), and to keep the kitchen sink clean, and to wear clothes that didn't have stains on them, and brush my hair. I'm dead serious. That's literally all I could manage at first. I couldn't even begin to tackle the actual food. i had to dig myself out of such a deep hole. I had bills that were overdue and if I even thought about them I'd start eating, but I couldn't manage to sort them out for almost three whole weeks without crying. (Because for me, all my life-messes connected to the food thing. I know it's not the same for everyone.) So. Start small. You can do this.

Oh..last night was good...today and tonight have been rough...I ate a little more than I wanted to but didn't go into a full blown binge so I am grateful for that. I am just an emotional wreck today and exhausted. I really just have to focus on one minute at a time tonight. Your input is incredible. ..thank you for being here.

Yes, sometimes it really is a minute by minute battle.

I think your attitude is great. Maybe you ate more than you wanted to, but it didn't lead to a full-out binge, and you're not freaking 0ut. That is a good indicator that you're going to keep doing well. Because shit happens, you know? Some days will just not be great. You pick yourself up and move on.

But the longer you can go between binges, the more confidence you'll have. I will never be totally binge-free, but I'm able to say to myself "for crying out loud, you've gone four months without a binge - you can hold out one more day." But, understand, when i started working on this sixteen months ago, I was literally setting the kitchen timer and staring at it hoping to hold off for ten minutes before eating a bag of two year old stale M&M's I'd just found in the back of the pantry. And the first time I tried that I couldn't even make the ten minutes.

But the next time I did, and the time after that, and then I increased it to 14, and then 20.

Once I could postpone a binge by an hour, it started getting way, way easier, because if I was going to wait an hour before indulging, I might as well go hang up the laundry or water the greenhouse, and then to my surprise even more time would pass.

I went from there to deciding that I would not eat after 7 pm ( we generally eat fairly early in the evenings). that was so hard, because my husband will sit and watch TV and eat loud crunchy things, it's awful. So I started walking in the evenings, in the summer, to get away from the noise and the temptation.

My next steps were to stop eating in the car, to cut back on fast food stops, to give up drinking diet soda, and to stop eating between lunch and dinner except for a small piece of fruit if I really wanted it.

These things are all built-in now. But they happened in tiny steps over a year and a half, and it really did start by watching the kitchen timer slowly tick its way to the bell after ten minutes.