I wish I had a magic wand that would make this go away for you. I wish there was an easy answer. For now at least, know that you're not alone. And you're not flawed, or weak, or bad, any more than you would be if you had, say, diabetes. This is a Thing.

I am only now finally starting to get this under control (I'm the person who is ranting daily in the thread that is currently below this one). There are a few small things that I can suggest to you.

Keeping this in the dark will never, ever solve it. This does not mean you need to bare your soul to the world or tell details to every single person. But, you do need to be honest with yourself; you need to be able to look in the mirror and acknowledge that you have a problem here, And you need to find a team for support.

That team can take a lot of different forms. Your family doctor may be of some help. Perhaps your insurance would cover therapy. Perhaps there is an OA chapter near you, or some kind of general support group for addiction. You may have a spiritual advisor who could be helpful. Think through your friends, because there might be someone there. You don't want someone to just pat you ont the head and tell you it will be okay, and you don't want someone to say you look fine so there isn't a problem here. You know there is one.

My team is a mishmash. There's one close friend who knows all the details. My daughter in law has been amazing. A checkout clerk at the small town grocery store has become an ally, even though I don't know her last name. I feel a weird connection to all of the hurt souls who post on this board, and even though I only know for sure that one person has ever read anything I've posted, it has helped me enormously to post almost daily updates. I have a customer who is a personal trainer who has been generous with advice. There are some books that have helped, both the fix-yourself-up kind and random fiction, usually with strong female characters who inspire me. I have a friend who is an alcoholic and we pull each other up out of the metaphorical gutter often.

You said you're a private person and that's fine - you can find support online and never need to use your name at all.

Once you have that team - or even while you're assembling it - reconcile yourself to this truth: fixing this is hard, hard work. In the last nine weeks I have hit horrible lows. This is pretty awful. I am really digging into the psychological crap that I carry looking for reasons for this, and that's difficult to do. I am fighting temptation all the time (I know all about the peanut butter thing. I really, really do.)

But also remind yourself that you are worth the effort. If someone you loved told you that they have a huge problem of some kind, something that was really tormenting them, and they knew that solving it would be hard so they were tempted to give up, you would surely encourage them to face it. You would tell them that they are worth it. That they deserve to be happy and pain free. You'd tell them that you'd stand beside them and they could lean on you while they worked through it. Right? So - you are every bit as beautiful and valuable as that person. Go look in the mirror again, and tell yourself the things you'd tell that friend who was hurting.

This is not an active board, it seems. I feel a bit weird about all my posting, but I've decided that it's something I need to do, and until someone tells me it's inappropriate I'll keep doing it. So, I'm here. I'm here in your computer, on this support group, and I'll help you in any way that I can.

You can do this.

Thank you so mch for your words of encouragement! I understand that I should tell some people but I get anxious, I've always been the person to fix people's problems and be the one who listens to them. It hate putting things in people even know it soul probably help me. I think talking to my dr will be a good first step. It makes me so much less scared when I know I'm not alone. I am wars wondered what was wrong with me but now I can work towards fixing it. Thank you!

At twenty, I was that person too, who fixed everyone else and sort of brushed off my own needs. I can tell you that it backfired spectacularly.

I wouldn't want to have been the opposite, mind you.

But I wish in retrospect that I'd found a middle ground that simply respected my own self a little more. I'm working on that now. And you have the opportunity to really make a change that will impact the rest of your life now.

You know the thing in airplanes, when they tell you to put on your own air mask first? And parents always think oh, but I need to take care of my kids first? And then the stewardess says yes, but if you don't put on your own air mask, you won't be able to put your kids' on.

Well, it's time to put on your own air mask now. You have a problem that you need to address, and it will mean focusing on yourself a bit more than your current comfort level.

but once you get yourself together, you'll be of more service to others anyway. You can do this.

Are you quite busy during the day? For me, I also eat fine during the day, and binge at night. I think this is because during the day I am distracted. At night, when all comes to rest, I am stuck sitting with my thoughts and anxiety, and food is a way to distract and soothe the anxiety. It's also a time when nobody is watching. I am going to guess that you, like me, are a people-pleaser who rarely demands space for yourself and rarely says no. I'm going to guess you try to be perfect for others. When you remove everyone else, it's my belief that there's a rebellion, your deeper self demanding to be fed now that you don't feel the pressure to perform for others and push down your true sentiments. That's just my hypothesis, based entirely on my own patterns. <3

You're exactly right! I feel the need to please people and I grew up very fast, I raised both of my siblings and now even know I don't have to raise them as much I still feel this constant need to be what everyone wants me to be. I have a very had time say no. It would have to be my biggest weakness. I feel the need to please people and make their days better. I feel that saying no is rude. I get that sounds pretty stupid. I am usually busy in the day but then there is times I'm not and I just eat out of boredom which is crazy! I just can't help it I eat all the way up until I'm sick and then I still keep eating. I can go a day or two without completely binging but that's about it. Having the online support helps <3

Have you noticed that there's times of the day when things are worse for you? I've got a really vulnerable stretch from 4-6 pm. It doesn't seem to be connected to my actual diet - my stomach can be full or empty, it's still a problem time for me.

Oh I get those but mine don't happen at the sane time everyday they just happen when m not doing anything with my time I'm a huge bordem eater.

I'm working hard on waiting fifteen minutes. I'm telling myself: you can have it, but you need to wait fifteen minutes, now, let's start this cool project until then. Next week it will be twenty minutes. I figure if I can just delay the terrible eating longer and longer each week, eventually I'll be doing less of it.

That's a great at to look at it, dos it seem to be working for you?

No. It seemed logical at the time. What's working right now is that I've gone back ON the caffeine - I was so sure that giving it up was going to be helpful overall. Now I'm back to my usual jittery ADD self, but I think it's helping me keep my face out of the refrigerator.

I think I need something to substitute eating food so,trying to with my Ganda and mouth when I'm bored, that's when it's gets me the most.