Food Addiction Support Group
An individual suffering from a food addiction disorder frequently experiences episodes of uncontrolled eating, or binging, during which they may feel frenzied or out of control. They will eat much more quickly than is normal, and continue to eat even past the point of being uncomfortably full. Binging in this way is generally followed by a period of intense guilt feelings...
Today I binged again. My last binge was 2 days ago and the one before that was 4 days ago and the one before that was 7 days ago. That's a lot of binges... I'm starting to feel hopeless. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to have a healthy relationship with food, at least without professional help. Luckily, for awhile now I've also had SOME sense during the days that I binge. I don't buy as much junk from the store as I did before. I try not to eat anything if I don't actually enjoy it anymore. I try to have a break from eating when I'm feeling full (not completely stuffed yet) or satisfied. I eat slowly and drink water. I focus on the food and how it tastes.
But at the end of the day, I'm still binging on unhealthy food, eating alone and ending up feeling a bit gross and sad. I want to be able to eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full: eat healthily and normally again. I also want to lose around 10 kg (22 pounds) so that I'll get a bit more confidence. Weight loss (on purpose) and recovering from a binge eating disorder don't really go hand in hand though. But I know I'll start losing weight slowly if I start eating normally. I just can't seem to be able to do that.
Today was a bit different, I purged some of the cinnamon rolls I ate. I almost never do that. I don't get the urge to do that basically ever, since it really doesn't feel nice at all. But sadly, after a half an hour since that happened, I started to crave unhealthy food again. While I've been writing this though, the craving has subsided a bit!
I'm going to (at least very very much trying to!) write in here every day for the next 21 days. Why 21? Because it's supposed to take 21 days to make a habit. Now I'm not saying that my eating disorder could completely go away in just 21 days. What I'm trying to do for the next 21 days is to create regular eating habits (3 meals, 2 snacks) while eating mostly healthy food and to not have any binges. Writing in here seems to give me some kind of support (even though nobody read these) and it's holding me accountable a bit as well. But whatever happens, I try to write in here anyway. Write my feelings and thoughts. Maybe it will teach me (or someone else as well!) something.
I'll also write daily a small, different kind of goal for the next day. The goals will probably have something to do with gaining confidence or trying something different to take my mind off of food.
I'm going to set reminders on my phone every day so that I remember to come here and write! I will comment this text every day, not make any new posts.
See you tomorrow! :)
TOMORROW'S GOAL: Take your camera/phone and go outside. You have four themes: your four favorite colors (red, yellow, dark green, purple). Try to take as artistic/beautiful/cool photos as you can and pick your one favorite from every color.
YEEESSS it has officially been 2 weeks of binge-free life. It feels like a lot longer though. Not because it has been so awful but because I've learnt so much and the quality of my life has improved significantly already! I'm happier, more confident and energetic. I never want to go back to where I was!
I've had a rest day and 2000 calories worth of food today. So it's going well!
TODAY'S QUOTE: "Too strong for any obstacle to stop me!" -Jessica Arevalo
It has been a rest day today again. It's my last day at my workplace. I had planned to train abs and go for a brisk walk today but today I didn't have the discipline to do so! It's all good though, I've had two well-earned rest days that have probably done only good for my body. I'll be back hardcore tomorrow again when it's glute-focused legday at the gym.
I've eaten around 1800 calories worth of food today. I've found it hard to have 2000 calories or less now because I'm already so used to the 2200-2400 calories that I've been having during this challenge. But today was a rest day and I didn't move a lot during the day anyway, so 1800 calories feels perfect for a day like this!
I remember that before my very first Friday I told you that I've always had a big urge to binge on Fridays. Well, tomorrow is Friday and binging is not even an option anymore! Trust me, when you've been succeeding for this long, you won't want to ruin the progress and take multiple steps back again. I've learned a way of eating and living that feels way better than laying on the bed, gorging myself with super heavy and unhealthy food until I feel uncomfortable and then usually guilty. And oh, the mornings after a binge. I don't feel mentally good at all. I basically feel regret and don't feel enthusiastic of what the day will bring at all. And what's worse, later that day and the day after that I get huge cravings for sweet and junk food again.
So, I'm 100% sure that on Saturday morning I will be happy, motivated and energetic because I've taken a step forward on Friday instead of having to make it up on Saturday!
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Ask yourself if what you are doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow"
Ok so it's Friday and after my workday I didn't want to go to the gym. And it was legday, the hardest day. I knew I would go (because of practicing my mental strength and discipline do much recently) but I didn't think it'd be be a good workout since I wasn't motivated at all.
But I went and after my warm-up I was killing it!! I was able to do heavier sets than before AND, for the first time in my life, I did 20 minutes of cardio after the legday as well! And what's even better, I gave my absolute all during the last 10 minutes! I'm breaking limits and barriers over and over again! I'm winning mental battles like I never have before!
I had only one cookie at work during my coffee break. I resisted the urge to take more! I ate around 2400 calories today (like 98% healthy). I'm feeling amazing!
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Mindset is what separates the best from the rest"
Today I got my ass up from the bed and did 30 minutes of fasted cardio and some stretching in the morning. Such a good start for the day! Then later, after my breakfast and first snack, I went again and trained shoulders, abs, chest and triceps (I need to stay at my workplace again next mon-wed so it was necessary to train so many muscle groups now) and did 20 minutes of cardio as well. I didn't feel like doing a longer session but I did it anyway. I was just telling myself over and over again:
[TODAY'S QUOTE:] "Discipline is the bridge between GOALS and ACCOMPLISHMENT."
So, when you don't feel like doing something that helps you to reach your goals, you have to do it anyway. What I've learned during this challenge is that you're not always going to be motivated. That's when you've got to continue with discipline. Discipline is actually something you can practice! You just do things again and again even when you don't want to and your level of discipline will rise and rise.
After my workout I did an amazing sauna, foot bath, cold showers and lotioning session. I was incredibly relaxed and refreshed after that!
I also had 2400 calories and I'm feeling great!
I did back and biceps + 30 minutes of cardio today at the gym.
I had planned to have a "cheat meal" tomorrow but since I'm going to my workplace in the middle of nowhere again, I decided to have it today. This was a better day anyway because I have to have a rest day tomorrow, but today I worked out so the extra calories will come to better use. I ate a bowl of delicious ice cream and about 70 grams of raw chocolate, together close to 700 calories. I think I did pretty well! I had the treats after my meal, so I wasn't hungry at all. I ate them slowly. Enjoyed. A bit after the treats I had my last meal, a bowl of oatmeal (with peanut butter). Now I'm full and satiated and don't crave anything anymore!
I actually didn't eat dinner at all in the end, because I was full after the treats. So because I only ate breakfast, lunch and 2 snacks, I had only 2500-2600 calories altogether. Not bad at all for a cheat meal day!
Oh, and I weighed myself again, it's been a week since my last weigh-in. I've lost 0.4 kg during the last week. I was hoping to lose half a kilo, but close enough. I'm really practicing my patience right now! A slow weight loss will ensure that I'm gaining or maintaining muscle as much as possible while losing fat at the same time. In theory, I know that this is actually a perfect rate, but it really requires a lot of patience! But this is good, I'm learning very important life skills while doing this!
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "'Tomorrow' is the magical day where all dreams go to die."
DAY 19# and 20#
These days were actually exactly the same. I had a rest day because of staying here at my workplace. 1800-1900 calories. Healthy food. Haha, that's about it, not much to say. Tomorrow I'll be back home and the gym! It's gonna be a leg day, the hardest day. My legs feel well rested though so should be a good workout!
THE MOTIVATING QUOTES:
"I woke up this morning and realized I don't have what it takes to sit back and be average."
"Whilst you were making excuses, I was making moves."
Today when I came back to my mother's house from work I noticed that my mother had bought some foods that I like a lot such as ice cream, mud cake and chocolate. Because I had eaten 1800-1900 calories during the past two days and I didn't get the chance to prepare myself for the sweet delicious things, I jut had to have some. I ate two small servings of mud cake and ice cream and like four pieces of chocolate. (In the moment I felt like I had eaten more than I actually did.) There was a moment where I just felt like skipping the gym and having some more chocolate. But then I watched a few Jessica Arevalo's YouTube videos and dragged my ass to the gym.
I ended up having a good leg workout and I also did 20 minutes of cardio and 10-15 minutes of stretching after it. Then I had a protein shake, a few rice cakes and a healthy dinner.
So even though I sort of had a cheat meal that I wasn't supposed to have yet, I'm super happy that I managed to snatch out of it and continue my day like it never happened. Before this challenge, on a situation like this, I would've just thought that the day is already ruined, there's no point in going to the gym etc.
I try to look this small "failure" as a learning opportunity. I learned that it's not wise for me to eat only 1800 calories on rest days. I felt a bit restricted and thought I was stronger than that but it's really all about the sufficient amount of food and calories! Lesson totally learned, I will continue having at least 2000 calories on rest days and see if that works for me.
TODAY'S QUOTE: "If you succeed in everything you're doing, you're attempting things that are too easy."
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Okay so the 21-day-challenge is officially completed! Three weeks sounds so little but because so much change has happened, it has felt a lot longer. I have totally different eating habits now. I can't even eat that much food at once anymore as I did before. I become satiated with way less. I've found the eating habits for me that make not binging way easier. I've practiced my mental strength, discipline and patience and they are on a whole another level because of that.
Tomorrow I will write a summary on what I learned and/or tips that helped me on my way of overcoming a binge eating disorder.