Food Addiction Support Group
An individual suffering from a food addiction disorder frequently experiences episodes of uncontrolled eating, or binging, during which they may feel frenzied or out of control. They will eat much more quickly than is normal, and continue to eat even past the point of being uncomfortably full. Binging in this way is generally followed by a period of intense guilt feelings...
Today I binged again. My last binge was 2 days ago and the one before that was 4 days ago and the one before that was 7 days ago. That's a lot of binges... I'm starting to feel hopeless. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to have a healthy relationship with food, at least without professional help. Luckily, for awhile now I've also had SOME sense during the days that I binge. I don't buy as much junk from the store as I did before. I try not to eat anything if I don't actually enjoy it anymore. I try to have a break from eating when I'm feeling full (not completely stuffed yet) or satisfied. I eat slowly and drink water. I focus on the food and how it tastes.
But at the end of the day, I'm still binging on unhealthy food, eating alone and ending up feeling a bit gross and sad. I want to be able to eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full: eat healthily and normally again. I also want to lose around 10 kg (22 pounds) so that I'll get a bit more confidence. Weight loss (on purpose) and recovering from a binge eating disorder don't really go hand in hand though. But I know I'll start losing weight slowly if I start eating normally. I just can't seem to be able to do that.
Today was a bit different, I purged some of the cinnamon rolls I ate. I almost never do that. I don't get the urge to do that basically ever, since it really doesn't feel nice at all. But sadly, after a half an hour since that happened, I started to crave unhealthy food again. While I've been writing this though, the craving has subsided a bit!
I'm going to (at least very very much trying to!) write in here every day for the next 21 days. Why 21? Because it's supposed to take 21 days to make a habit. Now I'm not saying that my eating disorder could completely go away in just 21 days. What I'm trying to do for the next 21 days is to create regular eating habits (3 meals, 2 snacks) while eating mostly healthy food and to not have any binges. Writing in here seems to give me some kind of support (even though nobody read these) and it's holding me accountable a bit as well. But whatever happens, I try to write in here anyway. Write my feelings and thoughts. Maybe it will teach me (or someone else as well!) something.
I'll also write daily a small, different kind of goal for the next day. The goals will probably have something to do with gaining confidence or trying something different to take my mind off of food.
I'm going to set reminders on my phone every day so that I remember to come here and write! I will comment this text every day, not make any new posts.
See you tomorrow! :)
TOMORROW'S GOAL: Take your camera/phone and go outside. You have four themes: your four favorite colors (red, yellow, dark green, purple). Try to take as artistic/beautiful/cool photos as you can and pick your one favorite from every color.
Hello again! :) I just had my last meal so I've officially succeeded today!
I had an amazing gym session and I've had 3 meals and 2 snacks. I ate mostly healthy: I only had two oreos with my coffee at work and four small pieces of candy for a dessert after my dinner. This seems like a good amount of treats daily; the goal after all is to not be too strict so I don't start to feel too restricted. I'm feeling great now and very motivated as well.
Tomorrow is Friday, my hardest day not to binge. But every time I find myself worrying about it, I stop myself. I'll take it day by day and focus on the 24 hours in front of me. I've recently realized, that I've always been worrying and thinking about how hard Friday will be to not binge, before Friday is even here! Therefore, when Friday arrives, I don't have enough trust in myself to be able to fight against the urge to binge. Or I've been eating pretty good during weekdays, and a binge on Friday will be a reward for that.
This Friday I've planned something to do that will stop me from binging! I'm going to visit my dad after work and stay there until Saturday evening. We're going to play cards and board games, go play some tennis on Saturday and possibly go for a swim as well (if I have enough confidence to change into bikinis). I've learned, that the key is to find something to do that will take your mind off of food/binging.
My daily challenge was to take those photos but I've got to admit, I took 2 photos and they were both from the gym hehe. But all is good, I had a lot of other things to do today so I didn't have a lot of time to think about what I'm craving.
TOMORROW'S CHALLENGE: Go swimming with your dad even if you don't feel confident enough. Go anyway!
Thank you katie for your comment! :) I'm quite proud to say that second day is about to end and I've succeeded again!
So Friday is here and I've ate a small piece of carrot cake, a few pieces of chocolate and a small scoopful of ice cream. I was at my mom's and she bought a jar of ice cream and a chocolate slab. And very very surprisingly, it was easy to just taste the ice cream and have one tiny piece of chocolate!
This is great, because those who have a binge eating disorder usually either eat no treats whatsoever or eat all the food they can find. It's tricky to have little treats because they might trigger binge eating episodes. I've been the same way.
Today felt actually very easy! Maybe it was because I was so determined to finally get through Friday without binging or because my last binge was such a little time ago. But anyway, I had 3 meals, 2 snacks again. WIN WIN WIN!
It feels so good to feel like I'm in control of what I'm eating again! Like I could actually taste some delicious ice cream and then just stop after that! And it was easy! In fact, I have no doubt that tomorrow will be binge-free and as healthy as possible!
And by the way, yesterday's challenge was not possible to carry out today. My period started and it rained all day, so no swimming for now. Now that I've actually tried to do these two challenges, I've found it quite hard. I think it's enough work, for now, to fight against the binging urges and treats and go to the gym every now and then. So I'm gonna drop the daily challenges right now. Gotta choose where I set my focus on! I think I'm going to share a daily quote instead. I scroll through motivating quotes every day on WeHeartIt and I want to share the one's that I've found helpful!
So TODAY'S QUOTE: "Success is a series of small wins."
Happy Friday! :)
Just as I said yesterday, it was very easy not to binge or eat unhealthy food today! I had 3 meals and 2 snacks today. We played tennis for over an hour with my dad and I was sweating so much! Still feeling motivated! :)
Tomorrow we will drive 3 hours to my cousin's confirmation party. I'll have time to eat my oatmeal with vegan vanilla protein powder and natural peanut butter for breakfast. I will take some meals and snacks with me in a cooler so I have healthy, nutritious food with me and I'll be less tempted to eat the unhealthy party food. I will do my best at picking the healthiest choices from the food table there! And no stopping for McDonald's burgers and fries on the way back home!
TODAY'S QUOTE: "What you plant now, you will harvest later."
Today's party went sooo well, I had lots of fun! And I only ate salad from the food table!!! No chocolate cake, pastries, cake or anything! I had 2 meals and some snacks with me so I ate healthy the whole day even though we had to drive a lot and there was a party. So proud of me! :) I am already starting to feel like this type of eating is developing into a habit!
And there's more good news: I woke up earlier so I had time to go to the gym before we left to the party! Had a great morning session there. I was feeling a bit cranky before but the workout enhanced my mood a lot.
TODAY'S QUOTE: "It's a good day to have a good day if you want a good day!"
I had a great day today! I trained my legs and glutes at the gym and ate at least 2500 calories worth of food. That's quite a lot when it's healthy food :D I was craving something sweet after my lunch, so I had a small bowl of ice cream. When I took it, I wasn't sure if it was enough for my sweet tooth. But then I ate the delicious ice cream slowly and after finishing the bowl, surprisingly, it was easy to stop myself from taking more because I felt satisfied! It was so weird. Like for the first time in my life, I was satisfied after such a tiny portion!
So it's safe to say, this challenge is going very well so far! :) I'm already feeling a significant decrease in cravings and the urge to binge. And today I've noticed how good and energetic my body (and mind) feels.
Sometimes out of nowhere, a thought of staying at home and buying lots of food to binge on pops up. But they are now just fleeting thoughts, I stop myself from even thinking about it further. I feel very motivated right now! I actually don't think I'm going to binge at all during these 21 days. I want this binge-free life to become permanent, so I don't want to break the strike. Of course I'll have these small treats every now and then when I'm feeling like it, but I won't lose control and eat whatever I can find! Not binging is my ultimate goal.
TODAY'S QUOTE: "Stay focused on your goals. Picture the end result and all the satisfaction it will bring."
A suggestion I keep for myself (doesn’t always work) is not to grocery shop when hungry/craving and ONLY buying healthy foods. That way in the middle of the night it’s basically impossible to binge unhealthily. And way less often do I snack when I don’t have things to snack on. If I’m hungry I’ll go for the veggies.
Of course allll of this is easier said than done.
Keep up the good work :)
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DAY 6#
Today was a great day again! Exceptionally, I had an evening shift today so I had to leave at 8.45 to work. I had set an alarm for 6.30 so I would have time to go to the gym. And guess what? I managed to get up and have an amazing, energizing workout before work! I usually never want to go to the gym right after I wake up, but for some reason I found enough motivation and willpower to do that today!.I've felt good all day!
I packed all my healthy meals for work, I only had 2 small chocolate truffles with coffee. I've had a temptation to step on the scale but I'm not sure if that's beneficial for my progress. Right now I want to focus on how I feel, mentally and physically. If I'll continue feeling this energetic and happy then I don't think I want to step on the scale at all, that might just mess with my head. I need to give this time!
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Grateful for where I'm at, excited about where I'm going."
Hello everyone! I don't know what to say... After dinner today I took a bowl of ice cream for my sweet tooth. But it has been a week since my last binge, so there was a thought at the back of my head that today could be the day for a bigger treat. So after the ice cream, I had some watermelon, 8 small cinnamon rolls and 2 bowls of (pretty healthy) cereal. All of these I ate slowly, while drinking tea and water, and I enjoyed every bite. So... I don't really think this counts as a binge. I didn't eat until I was stuffed and I wasn't eating fast or mindlessly. The amount of food I ate wasn't nearly as much as I've binged on in the past either.
But nevertheless, it was a bit more unhealthy food than I was planning on eating. And I was planning on having a bigger treat tomorrow, not today. But since this day ended up being a rest day from the gym, I thought it would be more relaxing and satisfying to have the treat on my free day from the gym.
I'll be 100% back on my grind tomorrow! The most important thing now is to not repeat this kind of day tomorrow and the day after that. A few extra treats actually sounds kinda healthy to me when it's only once a week. What do you guys think?
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Winners are not people who never fail but people who never quit."
An amazing, amazing day!
Didn't feel super motivated to eat healthy and go to the gym but, after work, I went anyway. I had an amazing leg workout (glute focused) and the rest of the day after that I've been in such a good mood! I just feel so accomplished, motivated, strong, happy and ALIVE when I've been eating healthy, doing all of my planned workouts and winning the mental game.
I did a meal prep today as well. If some of you are not prepping meals, you're seriously missing out! It's a game changer.
Tomorrow is an evening shift again, so I'm gonna set my alarm for 6.30 so I have time to hit back and biceps + do 20 minutes of cardio before work. I actually have no doubt that I'm going to get up and kill my workout instead of continue sleeping! It's such a good feeling when you can trust yourself like this!
TODAY'S QUOTE: "Every single one of us knows what we got to do to get where we want in life. If you're not getting there, you have only your laziness to blame." -Jessica Arevalo
Yaaasss I managed to get up and go to the gym this morning...just as I predicted! After my workout I took a cold shower and I was feeling amazing after that! I ate my healthy meals, drank my water and took my supplements. So a successful day again!
Now in the evening I've been feeling a bit cranky but I think it's just because I'm tired... I'm so happy it's Friday and tomorrow is a day off from work. I'm sure I'll be happier tomorrow hehe.
TODAY'S QUOTE: "Life is not about finding oneself. It's about creating oneself."
I hit shoulders and abs at the gym and did 30 min of cardio today. That cardio session was the most intense one I've done in a long time! L¨The last 8 minutes were extremely hard and I was sweating like a pig. But I pushed through and oh the feeling I felt after! I laid on the ground so exhausted, heat was radiating off of my whole body and I was dripping sweat onto the floor but I was sooo high on endorphins. I won all the mental battles especially during those last 8 minutes and I'm feeling mentally strong af right now!
I ate a good amount of food today as well, worth of a bit under 2500 calories. That is a lot of calories for me daily since I've basically always eaten under 2000 before this challenge. It was to make up for the calories I consumed during my binges and to lose weight faster. Every now and then I'm worrying a little that I'm eating too much and that I haven't lost weight at all. But I'm trusting the process and resisting the urge to look at the scale. I'm really curious to see how my weight has reacted after this change in eating habits and going to the gym more though.
TODAY'S QUOTE: "Success is not a competition with the world, it's a competition with yourself. When you can sit down in your own silence and feel truly amazing about yourself, you've won."
Same old same old: I ate a good amount of healthy food, went to the gym and I'm feeling great!
Soooo I do have some news....I stepped on the scale this morning, I was just too curious. I'm not completely sure how much I weighted before this challenge but I would guesstimate I'm about a kilo down right now. I have to admit I was a bit disappointed at first when I saw the number. Earlier I've found it very easy to drop a kilo fast, especially after a binge (when you still have a lot of food in your stomach).
But you know what? I looked particularly good this morning! Without the scale I would've felt even happier for this progress in looks. I've been training harder recently; I've for sure put on some muscle as well as lost fat.
I was just thinking some time after I saw how much I had lost that even though I've only lost a kilo, it's a kilo that will stay off. The difference between how I'm eating now and a diet is that I CAN CONTINUE THIS FOREVER! There is no end limit. I don't need breaks. I feel energetic all the time. AND I already look quite good: when I think about it, I don't need to lose weight faster. I don't need this to go faster. I've been working my ass off, I've been breaking mental barriers and limits again and again, I've learnt so much already and I've set my mental strength on a whole another level ALL THE WHILE kicking binge eating disorder's ass!
And would I even want this to go faster? After all:
[TODAY'S QUOTE:] "The harder the battle, the sweeter the victory."
Today was an excellent day! The only unhealthy thing I ate was two mouthfuls of ice cream. I was not that motivated to go to the gym and do legs, but I went anyway. I'm enjoying the mental challenges! I actually kind of want to be very tired or very busy so that it'll be very hard to go to the gym. I want to push the limits of my mental strength and discipline. Even today when I didn't feel like going to the gym I knew that all this pondering is useless. I know I'm going to go anyway. I want to see what I can achieve by just controlling my mind!
It's funny how it has only been 12 days since I started this challenge and I'm already in such a different place. The amount of thoughts about binging have decreased to almost zero! My mind and my body have genuinely learnt to eat a certain amount of food at certain times. I love the foods I'm eating. I have very few cravings and they're not nearly as intense as before. I can easily stop after a small portion of ice cream or one or two cookies. And I'm way happier than before!
Note to myself: Eating lots of delicious, unhealthy food doesn't actually make you happy at all. THIS IS WAY BETTER! Remember how your body feels and the amazing feeling you get when you've won your mental battles again and again!
It seems like this challenge has slowly (or actually quite fast) changed from fighting against binge eating disorder to trying to overcome all obstacles that don't lead me to my healthiest self. I'll let it go to this direction happily! It doesn't quite go with food addiction anymore though, but I'll keep on writing under this category anyway. After all, it's only been 12 days and any addictions come back easily if you're not careful. This is how I'm overcoming the dangerous thoughts that occur every now and then!
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "When it hurts, observe. Life is trying to teach you something."
Today I found out that I have to stay the nights at my workplace Wed-Fri (today is Tuesday). The place that I work in (for the summer) is kind of in the middle of nowhere so when my Mom has days off I have nobody to drive me there. First I was really bummed out because I had my gym schedule all planned out and I was feeling motivated to go there as well. But after some rearranging I planned it all out again (what body parts am I gonna train every day). So today I had to do a bit longer workout (back, shoulders, biceps + 20 min cardio) BUT I STILL KILLED IT! Feeling mentally super strong!
I had planned out a cheat meal for today as well. Something unhealthier to eat after I had done my workout, worth of around 1000 (extra) calories. But you know what? I haven't even craved that much of anything! I bought some grapes today that I have eaten around 200 grams but that's it. It's 8pm right now but I think I'm gonna still eat like a big bowl of cereal and call it a day. That would mean I only had like 500 extra calories and that's all grapes and semi healthy cereal. I'm feeling proud of myself! No urges to binge anymore!
TODAY'S QUOTE: "To be in the 1% you have to do what the 99% won't."